Why Victims of Female Perpetrators are Ignored: Part 2 (Hot for Teacher)
TW: Sexual assault (on minors), rape, pedophilia, misogyny, homophobia, and misandry
Welcome to the second part of this fledgling series. Last time, we looked at the Duluth model and how it reinforced the man-on-woman narrative of domestic violence to the detriment of male abuse survivors. Today, we are discussing how those survivors are often laughed at by looking at examples of female sexual abusers who get away with their crimes, often teachers performing this against young boys.
Before doing so, I must address the elephant in the room: Why is there a random screenshot of Tucker Carlson at the top of this blog? Well, dear reader, Tucker Carlson has much more to deal with this subject than you would think. (By the way, shout out to the fine folks at Some More News for the idea of using Tucker’s stupid face more than it is.)
In April 2014, the former FOX News pundit covered a story in which a middle school teacher from Texas reportedly performed a lap dance for the birthday of a 15-year-old boy. On the program, Outnumbered, Carlson remarked that charging the teacher would be insane because “there was no victim here.” You see, folks, Carlson believed that because the teacher was “hot enough,” it would never have been a crime to do what she did. He then doubled down on that remark in a later episode. Straight from the horse’s mouth himself:
“Notice that the breakdown [of people who reacted to his statement] is along sex lines. The women are upset and the man understands, and here’s the bottom line: A 15-year-old boy is not a 15-year-old girl, and so — I got a lot of mail about this — every man understands this. A 15-year-old boy looks at this as, like, the greatest thing that ever happened, and I think for a 15-year-old girl it would be traumatic. That’s just real. I don’t know what to say — I don’t want that to be true but it is true.
I’m not saying that all teachers should do lap dances at school, I’m just saying when a teacher gets so enthusiastic she breaks out into a lap dance, don’t send her to prison. That’s all I’m saying.”
Tucker is not the only media personality to espouse this view. Hell, he’s not even the only FOX News host. Very recently, in May of this year, on his show Gutfeld!, Greg Gutfeld and co-host Katherine Timpf covered a similar story, this time discussing a teacher from California who allegedly had sexual relations with a 16-year-old student. Gutfeld said that what bothered him most about the case was that she went to jail for it. He would have “died” for the “opportunity.” Timpf, to her credit, pushed back, saying she is “vehemently against banging kids.” Quote of the year, everyone. Put that on a mug. Gutfeld, however, much like Carlson, did not relent in his stance, stating the following:
“Let’s live in the real world, Kat… A 16-year-old boy! Sixteen-year-old boy with, like, a hot teacher. I mean — what was the Van Halen song? “Hot for teacher?” That was written about this! It wasn’t about, “Hey, let’s have a responsible relationship with someone close to my age.” … Am I right to say it’s an unfair comparison to do the female-to-male teacher? Like, a male teacher, 38-year-old, creepy. Female, heroic.”
(Now you see where the title of this edition comes from if you didn’t know the song!)
FOX News! Standing up for what’s right: hot female teachers having sex with male minors!
There are two central problems to address with this far-too-prevalent line of thinking. The first is about the stereotype that teenage boys are fueled by hormones after puberty. Consequently, they would likely consent to sex, even if it were against their will. The second relates back to what I discussed in a previous post, “What is Sexual Harassment, Exactly?” Namely, double standards such as “pretty privilege” can allow certain characters to get away with some horrendous crimes. Both do a disservice to male abusers and let female predators, teachers in this case, off the hook for their actions.
Let’s discuss the first problem. I’ll be frank here. Indeed, most boys after puberty are horndogs. Source? I was around many of them. Many do not know consent or boundaries if they hit them in the face. They are the type to get turned on if they find themselves standing within arms’ reach of a pretty girl. However, does that excuse allowing them to be groomed? Does that imply consent for someone not in the authority to refuse? It is the same kind of logic that pedophiles use to absolve their deviousness against young girls, that they are at the “height of their sexual maturity,” or something about periods, or whatever nonsense (Or should I say, nonce-sense! Get it? I’ll stop now.)
Just because hormonal imbalances arising from puberty are a thing doesn’t mean that they should act upon it with people much older than them. That is against both the law and common decency. And quite honestly, it’s exploitative. Not only are you using the innocence of CHILDREN for your debaucherous hedonistic desires, but you are also utilizing the fact that because of their sexual development, they will be less likely to say no. And no, you are not doing a service by taking their virginity and “making them into a man.” You are not Shang training Mulan. Stop trying to turn your evil acts into a virtuous means to some sick and twisted end. And, to that end, stop using silence and the apparent pleasure of young men to accomplish that misinformation campaign.
Do you know something fascinating about this whole charade? The fact that conservative pundits, the same ones attacking trans women and accusing them of grooming kids, are spewing this kind of rhetoric makes me ponder… Do they really care about the security of our kids? Or, is their soapboxing just plain transphobia, like our favorite TERF J.K. Rowling? More importantly, ARE THEY GROOMERS AND PEDOPHILES? Questions for another person to try answering. (Hint: Use this title for clicks: TUCKER CARLSON EXPOSED!!!1!!!1 PEDOPHILE??!!!!1!!!!)
Now, let us talk about the second problem. This line of thinking serves to absolve women from their crimes. Carlson and Gutfeld noted this very point: Had the teachers in both stories been men, they would have been rightfully vilified and penalized. In our society, there are double standards that remove any agency from women pedophiles that men have, both in terms of gender and appearance. It’s essentially the pretty privilege that leads to us asking what sexual harassment is. (Remember, if you’re hot, you can get away with anything.) The beauty factor (which, if this fact is not plainly obvious, is usually more involved there if the teacher is a woman) turns a sickening story into one so infantilized that, as Gutfeld mentioned, there was even a song written about it. That charted. It was #56 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. In 1984. The height of Reaganomics and conservative America. This played on the radio. And it has been so recently popular that it was on the U.S. Hot Rock and Alternative Songs list in 2020. At #23. (Granted, that was due to the passing of Eddie Van Halen that year, but still.)
As an aside, I think teachers do not get the respect they deserve, especially in this climate where education cuts are as common as rain in April. They deserve all the respect such a job merits. Not only do they offer the chance for children to educate their way out of a system, but they can be a great source for students who suffer from flawed family experiences. They can be excellent advisors for students to trust. I should know because the most influential figures in my life were teachers and professors. I have called them non-stop and even been to their houses. Not once was I ever propositioned for sex by any of them. I have even worked for them as a tutor and a TA. I also believe there is too much hysteria regarding the boundary between students and teachers. Teachers (much like men) should never be afraid of being slapped with false sexual assault allegations because their actions were misconstrued. Many are in the profession because not only do they want to share their expertise, but they also genuinely care and want to help those students.
However, there are bad actors. Some teachers use the power and trust they have from the job for their deviant lusts. And they should be rightfully condemned, regardless of gender.
Research into school sexual abuse is spotty as there has never been a comprehensive nationwide study dedicated to this issue. Most of that focus was dedicated to student-on-student assault rather than teacher-on-student. The most recent report of that nature was back in 2004. According to that report, 1 in 10 students will have experienced sexual abuse of some form by a school employee, according to the United States Department of Education. That is an alarming percentage, and its occurrence has even been noted to be rising over the years since then. And consider that sexual abuse of this kind can be under-reported, especially if the victims are boys.
What’s more, there is a gender disparity observed in the sentencing of teachers for sexual abuse (because, of course, there is). According to a New Jersey newspaper, male teachers receive harsher punishments than female ones. Even more so, the pretty privilege hampers any serving of justice, allowing a female teacher to be let off scot-free! For example, the defense for Debra LaFave, who had been charged with lewd and lascivious battery against a 14-year-old in 2004, claimed their client was “too pretty” to go to jail. Yes, really. According to lawyer John Fitzgibbons, sending LaFave to a women’s penitentiary center would be like “throwing a raw piece of meat to a den of lions.” Apparently, that reasoning convinced not only the court but also the nation. There was even a website dedicated to her, with the usual comments like, “That boy has to be the luckiest in the world.” LaFave would never face jail time, instead facing some time under house arrest, probation, and a lifetime trip to the sex offender registry.
Unrelated to teachers, I want to reflect back to my article on sexual harassment. Remember that I included a situation in which a security guard, Michael Anello, accused Mariah Carey of being basically naked (she was dressed in a see-through négligée) in front of him and forced him to move luggage while he was uncomfortable. People were divided on this issue for the short time it was discussed, with those in the anti-Anello camp using victim-blaming tactics. “He did this for money!” “He was a Nazi white supremacist, according to Mariah!” And, my favorite: “How could anyone not want to see Mariah naked!” I spoke a bit about that last comment in that article. To reiterate my opinion, just because Mariah Carey is seen as attractive does not excuse her actions. No amount of “Well, if I were in that situation, I would’ve enjoyed it” does not change the fact that what she did was harassment.
And this is rich coming from me. I may be a lonely virgin loser, but I will never want to be in the situation that Anello had been in. Even if I had a raging hard-on for Mariah Carey (I don’t, but I was a massive fan of her music), I do not want to see her in a négligée. Yes, I get that she dresses similarly in her performances and her music videos. Coincidentally, I never watched a Mariah Carey music video nor attended one of her shows. (Side note: listen to “Emotions” if you want to. It’s an underrated gem in her discography.)
By the way, the statement, “Since she dresses like that in public, the harassment is acceptable,” is a cop-out. People (generally) consent to seeing her that way. Sex sells, after all. If you never wanted to, then it becomes a problem.
This has the same energy as those women who advocated heavily for Chris Brown to beat them up after the horrifying revelations of his relationship with Rihanna. It was a punchline (pun not intended) for comedians to make fun of members of #TeamBreezy. These women practically wanted to line up to get battered by Chris Brown. Why? Because it’s Chris Brown, what more explanation is needed? (My favorite piece of media covering this was by ToddInTheShadows, who ripped into Chris Brown and his delusional fans for 15 minutes of rage-inducing bliss.) Some of these women went as far as to blame Rihanna for her abuse as if she apparently did something to warrant the demolishing of her face. I mean, if she cut off his member, burned all of his earnings, and carried a chainsaw home, maybe it would merit a fraction of the violence he laid upon her. Just maybe. Seriously, please explain to me, folks: Why don’t we see this sort of behavior as the disgusting trash it is when the genders are reversed?
I said this before, and I will say it here. MEN (AND CHRIS BROWN SUPPORTERS). GET A GODDAMN GRIP ON YOURSELVES.
And, of course, I can never leave this point without calling out homophobia. “That man had to be gay if he didn’t want to see Mariah naked!” I mean, maybe? I don’t know Anello’s sexual orientation. Nonetheless, and I know this may be a radical take from me, I don’t think not wanting to see a woman naked unwillingly means that you are gay. Would he be gay if he saw someone like Dolly Parton nude today? And for God’s sake, what year are we in? 1988? Do we still believe calling a man gay is a witty insult instead of a homophobic response?
Back to teachers, you can see that we as a culture enable this kind of behavior. We encourage teachers who carry the pretty pass to violate students’ autonomy, sometimes in quid pro quo circumstances. We excuse their actions, allowing them to possibly continue preying on young boys who usually act solely on their raging hormones without punishment. And, if they do face reprimand, they get a slap on the wrist compared to men who would dare do the same thing to children. As Erin Pizzey noted, pedophiles come from all genders, but women are better at hiding their degeneracy. (And that is a story for another time, friends.)
There is some shred of hope in this dark tunnel we call reality. Consider this recent development. Recently, a 74-year-old teacher had been recently charged with repeatedly sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy. Subsequently, she will reportedly face 600 years in prison for her crimes. This is a good indicator of progress that groomers cosplaying as teachers will face severe punishment for their actions. However, the cynic in me thinks that the sentence would have been much less, and the teacher would have been met with FOX News support if she was, I don’t know, a third of that age and looked drop-dead gorgeous.
And I must mention this: teaching is not the only profession that is prone to silence in female-perpetrated sexual abuse. I am sure this is prevalent in industries such as patient care, therapy, and other fields where a power dynamic is present. The issue is finding adequate research for these topics, but trust me: they exist.
So, why are victims of female perpetrators, namely men, ignored? Because, in this case, our society either disregards or outright supports the sexual assault of men. They claim that young men should never turn down the advances of “hot” women, including teachers. In addition, those who do so risk being mocked and scorned, as desperate losers claim they would suffer such injustices with a smile. The harassment of men has always been played for laughs, and I will cover that in another piece.
In the succeeding article in this series, I will discuss the recent controversy surrounding Jonah Hill and how it shows men, by and large, have troubles with boundaries, which are not helped by a society that looks down on men who enforce their standards. (I mean, when it comes to the Mariah Carey story, you can clearly see that is the case, unfortunately.) I will also have an addendum to this post which will be another rant, this time on the “manosphere” and specifically attacking Andrew Tate (a novel subject, I know).
And finally, a reminder for those who were or are survivors of female violence: You are a victim of abuse by a woman. Regardless of if you were a teenage boy and people presume you would enjoy the act, such an act should have never occurred, period.