A bad day
Today started like a bad day. I had had bad dreams, woke up tired, in a stormy mood. I didn’t want to get out of bed.
I had this crushing feeling that things were terrible, and I wanted to give in to it. I was on the brink of entering a self-destructive loop of addictive behaviour, procrastination, self-indulgence. I know that feeling. And I know the feeling later, once you’ve indulged. It feels bad, then worse.
Then there was a tiny light in my mind, a thread of hope. I could have ignored it. Decided that life was too hard, and today was simply a bad day. But I didn’t, I hold onto the thread. I chose the mindful path. I’m glad I did because now, today is a day of power.
Routine to the rescue
I remembered this was my last day in the south of France, I remembered that if I let myself down, no one should pick me up, I remembered I wanted to be a responsible person. This is when I started going about my day, sullenly, with the routine I had been trying to implement in the past few weeks: stretching, meditation, self-love in the mirror.
As soon as I was out, stretching out, I could feel life juice coming back to my veins. This was encouragement, so I pushed further. I still had a lot of bad thoughts coming in, negative talk, but I was mindful of it, heard it and let it go.
I kept on with my routine and this is how I kept my feet on the ground, on this stormy day. I must say that today is the day I truly discovered the power of routine. Sounds so silly, candid! But routine has just never been my cup of tea, I’ve always thrived more in chaos, following inspiration.
Today though, routine saved me. I had a good stretching, then an inspiring nature meditation that helped me feeling grounded, and a great self-love moment: my heart burst open, I felt love like I hadn’t in quite a while. Now I’m writing this, on time with my writing schedule. Quite amazing huh? (I had yet to actually respect this one hour slot in my calendar 😄)
Was there actually even greater power in that mood? Which can be destructive, but if harnessed, so creative?
Thoughts on “productivity”
Funny that a few days ago I thought about writing how wrong this saying is: “the difference is not what you do on your good days, it is what you do on your bad days”. I hated this sentence as it seemed to me in support of a productivist mindset I didn’t want in my life. I don’t want to compete with others, or myself, all the time. I want to respect energy going up and down.
But now I’m thinking, this might very well be true, but with a slightly different lens. It’s not about being productivist, about always being on top, crushing yourself with expectations you’ll never meet. It’s about knowing that when there is a bad day, self-love comes from trying to repair it, bit by bit, small step by small step. Accompanying yourself with care, patience, and eventually fixing the day.
There is so much knowledge about yourself in that process. It’s a step towards loving your emotions instead of despising them, running away from them, and ending up slaves to them.
Now you harness the power of your emotions, and sublimate your day into one that, in the final analysis, you will be happy to have lived.
Goodday, pals!
I wish you to endure bad days and have the strength to transmute them into, if not great, fruitful days. You deserve it.
Love this!