Anne W. Collins
What is Good Therapy?
How to find the right therapist to ensure a positive experience and successful outcomes.
Studies have repeatedly shown that the number one predictor of success in therapy is the therapeutic alliance you have with your therapist. This is why choosing the right therapist for you is such an important step in the process. Therapy is a unique and deeply personal experience, and the role of a therapist is to support you in understanding yourself better, navigating challenges, and achieving your mental health goals. But what should you expect from a good therapist?
As a licensed mental health counselor, I have had many clients seek therapy after a long pause. The long pause is often a result of not having a positive experience in previous therapy, being fearful and untrusting of starting the process again. We often spend time in the first sessions addressing what didn’t work in their last therapy experience and what to expect in their new journey. Understanding what to expect from a skilled professional can help you feel more comfortable and confident in the process. Here’s a guide to help you know what to expect from a therapist who’s truly invested in your well-being and qualified to provide services and work toward outcomes.
1. A Safe, Nonjudgmental Environment
One of the most important aspects of a good therapy experience is feeling safe and supported. A skilled therapist will create a space where you feel free to express yourself without fear of judgment. This is essential because it allows you to open up about personal, sometimes difficult, thoughts and emotions. If you can practice this skill in therapy then it helps to practice this outside of the therapy room. Expect your therapist to listen with empathy, respect, and a nonjudgmental lense.
What this looks like:
Your therapist maintains a calm, accepting presence and doesn’t rush you.
They respect your pace and allow you to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.
There is a strong emphasis on confidentiality; what you share in therapy stays in therapy (with exceptions regarding safety concerns, which will be explained to you).
2. Active Listening and Empathy
A good therapist will listen attentively to what you're saying and show empathy towards your experiences. They won’t just hear your words—they'll engage with your emotions and understand the deeper context of what you're going through. This level of empathy helps you feel validated and understood, which is critical for building trust. A good therapist will provide psychoeducation, ask questions and provide reflective feedback but won’t do most of the talking. Listening and reflecting are important in good therapy.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will reflect back what you’ve shared to ensure they understand you correctly.
They’ll show a genuine concern for your feelings, offering support in a way that resonates with you.
They might use body language, such as nodding or leaning in, to convey attentiveness.
3. Respect for Your Autonomy and Goals
A good therapist understands that you are the expert on your own life. They won’t impose solutions or tell you what to do; instead, they will guide you through the process of exploring your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so that you can make decisions that feel right for you. A therapist's role is to support, not direct.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will help you set your own goals for therapy, rather than imposing their own agenda.
They will collaborate with you to identify the changes or improvements you want to make and support you in developing strategies for achieving those goals.
They will respect your pace and will not push you into areas you’re not ready to explore.
4. Clear Communication and Transparency
Effective communication is key in therapy. A good therapist will explain their methods, the process of therapy, and how they can help you. They should also check in regularly about how the therapy is going and whether you’re feeling comfortable with the approach. You should always feel that you have a clear understanding of what’s happening in your sessions.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will clearly explain the therapeutic techniques they use and why they believe those methods are suited to your needs.
They will ask for feedback from you, saying things like, “How do you feel about the way we’ve been approaching things?”
They will be transparent about their boundaries, fees, and any rules regarding confidentiality, making sure you're well-informed.
5. Respect for Boundaries
A good therapist will maintain professional boundaries to ensure a healthy therapeutic relationship. These boundaries are vital to creating a space where you feel safe and respected. While they will be open and compassionate, they won’t cross lines that could make you feel uncomfortable or confused about the nature of your relationship.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will maintain a professional demeanor throughout your interactions, not sharing overly personal information about themselves.
They will respect your emotional boundaries and will not push you to discuss anything you're not ready to talk about.
They will also establish clear boundaries regarding time (sessions start and end on time), space (they respect your personal space), and touch (they will ask if physical contact is appropriate if needed).
6. A Collaborative, Problem-Solving Approach
A good therapist will not only listen to your concerns but will also help you identify patterns in your thinking, behavior, and emotions that may be contributing to your challenges. They will work with you to explore practical solutions and strategies for addressing your difficulties. Therapy should be an active, collaborative process, not a passive experience.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will help you break down complex issues into manageable parts so you can better understand them.
They might offer suggestions, coping strategies, or exercises that you can practice between sessions.
They’ll challenge negative thought patterns or behaviors that may be keeping you stuck, offering a fresh perspective.
7. Patience and Compassion
Healing and self-understanding take time. A good therapist will demonstrate patience as you work through your issues, knowing that progress may not always be linear. They won’t rush you, and they won’t judge you for setbacks. Instead, they will be there to support you as you navigate the ups and downs of therapy.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will understand that change takes time and will offer encouragement as you make incremental progress.
They won’t expect you to have all the answers or resolve everything immediately.
They’ll show compassion for the difficulties you're facing, acknowledging that healing can be a slow process.
8. Adaptability to Your Needs
A good therapist will recognize that each person is unique and that one approach does not work for everyone. They will be flexible and adjust their methods based on your preferences, personality, and progress. This adaptability ensures that therapy remains relevant and effective as your needs evolve.
What this looks like:
Your therapist might try different therapeutic techniques based on what seems to work best for you (e.g., cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, mindfulness, etc.).
They will check in with you periodically to see if the therapy is meeting your needs, asking questions like, “How are you feeling about the direction our sessions are taking?”
They will be open to trying new approaches if something isn’t working for you, ensuring you stay engaged in the process.
9. Empowerment and Growth
Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to empower you to lead a healthier, more fulfilled life. A good therapist will help you build self-awareness, develop coping strategies, and strengthen your emotional resilience. They will celebrate your progress and help you gain the tools you need to continue growing outside of therapy.
What this looks like:
Your therapist will help you identify your strengths and areas of growth, fostering self-empowerment.
They will encourage you to take ownership of your healing process and celebrate small wins along the way.
They’ll help you learn how to manage your thoughts and emotions independently, so you feel more equipped to face life’s challenges on your own.
When to question the process
When sessions become “venting” sessions. While sometimes clients need a good vent session, this should not be the norm. Your therapist should provide space for what you need to process while also keeping you on track and challenge you to keep working toward your established goals.
When you therapist talks about themselves. While an appropriate amount of self-disclosure can be helpful to the therapeutic process, too much disclosure takes away from the clients process. Therapy should never be about the therapist.
A good therapist should not shy away from confrontation. Therapy is a safe space where you can practice navigating healthy conflict. If you feel misunderstood by your therapist, if something they’ve said has upset you, or if you want to challenge the direction of the therapy, your therapist should be a supportive person with whom you can explore these issues. Addressing conflicts within the therapeutic relationship can help you develop important skills for handling conflict in other areas of your life.
Your therapists role is not to provide solutions or “fix” the problem. The role of your therapist is to help YOU find the insight to create the change that best aligns with you. They are a guide and supporter, not a problem solver.
It’s okay to try a new therapist if you feel you’ve reached the limit with your current one. Therapists have different skill sets and levels of experience. If you want to explore a new modality—such as shifting from talk therapy to EMDR, or trying an approach your current therapist doesn’t specialize in—you can discuss what that might look like. Therapy is an investment in yourself, so it’s worth taking the time to find the right fit at the right time and make adjustments when needed. A good therapist will be able to guide you through this process.
This one may be my own personal opinion so filter it through your own values. I personally think therapists should also engage in their own personal therapy. This helps them to process the difficulties of the work that they do as listeners and look at their own experiences and how that might bias the work that they do. I always say to my clients that I don’t ask them to go anywhere I haven’t myself gone in therapy. I feel that it is hard to practice the types of therapy that I provide without having been through it myself.
Final Thoughts
A good therapist serves as a guide, a supporter, and a sounding board. They create a safe space where you can explore your feelings, recognize your patterns, and make strides toward healing and growth. While every therapeutic relationship is unique, the foundation of a positive experience lies in empathy, respect, transparency, and collaboration.
While your therapist is skilled, educated, and experienced, remember that you are ultimately the expert on yourself. Therapy is like a salad bar—take what resonates with you, and feel free to leave behind what doesn't serve you.
If you're feeling unsure about starting therapy or questioning whether you're in the right place, keep in mind that a good therapist will make you feel safe, respected, and supported every step of the way. Therapy can be a transformative journey, and the right therapist will walk with you through it.
Please comment with any questions—I’d be happy to support you on your journey of finding a good fit.
