Today I was informed that the full time role at my job is being dissolved. We are able to move down to part time if we want to stay with the company.
Back in October I wrote this post where I vaguely shared about making career decisions. My initial decision was to go part time after the holidays. You see, I’ve been at this job for 4 years next week. There is a very high rate of burnout after 2 years of full time work and I was feeling it FOR SURE. In November 2022 I was also craving a break and feeling burnt out so this was something I was managing for a little over a year. This past November I declared that this was the year! I would make it through the holidays to get those 5 days of holiday pay that occur from Thanksgiving to New Years and then I was out. Well not out, but part time. Part time in 2024 here I come!
Between that decision and the beginning of January things shifted within me and within the company. We were given a tool that makes our jobs much more manageable. (Hello AI coworker. I’m very much anti-AI but this tool has saved my sanity.) With that, I felt the burnout soften a bit. I also felt within my soul that now wasn’t the right time to jump ship. I was afraid to lose health insurance and I felt that with this tool I could continue plugging along. And so, a new decision was made. I would stay full time.
Fast forward to today and I get a notification from a coworker chat about some crazy things like layoffs and dissolution of the full time role.
WHAT?!
I wasn’t working today but I immediately hopped on to get more details.
I will no longer be a full time employee and neither will anyone else who is doing my job.
Dang.
You’d think I would be happy, and part of me is, but I’m also upset because it was something that we’re all forced into. Removal of health insurance (really good insurance, at that), PTO, money, internet stipend, and other benefits that come with the full time label. Gone.
There’s also a part of me that is excited though. And that part sees this as divine intervention. While I’ll lose a lot, I’ll gain a lot too. Time and sanity being big ones. Oh, and some great bonuses throughout the year for staying and going part time.
Lately I’ve been really struggling with anxiety. Debilitating anxiety that makes me wish I was more open to medications just to feel some sense of relief. At the end of the day I’m glad I’m not into that sort of thing, but it’s exhausting to have stress, fear, anxiety, and cortisol galore pumping through your veins and filling up each and every inch of your being.
Meditate, do yoga, journal, spend time in nature, exercise, eat clean - you know the tips and tricks to reduce anxiety as well as I do. I do them all and I am still scattered and frazzled.
This morning I wrote in my journal about the anxiety and asked for help in changing my life. Seriously!! A few hours later, here we are. Life is changing.
When asking for something we often have expectations of what that will look like. We want it to be a certain way. I know that when I asked for help this morning I didn’t expect to have it happen like this. But those unexpected shifts are what we need to welcome and be open to.
Change my life and change it in any way that will best serve me. I am open to receiving the guidance and shifts that are necessary to put me on my perfect path in this moment. I trust that even though this circumstance feels scary, it is aligned and serving me fully.
Go back and read that out loud two more times. Read it anytime you’re afraid to make a change or are forced into change. Anchor it in and trust.
Trust.
What a word.
Do you fully trust?
That’s something I’ve been working to embody more lately. It’s a dang process with the raging anxiety I feel. But I’m working on it and bit by bit I can see a little more clearly.
God is always willing to guide us but most of the time we are not willing to be lead. The signs are always there but oftentimes we are distracted by frivolous things.
It’s okay. It’s all a practice. But one that is important to keep coming back to again and again and again.
So I walk into this weekend feeling all the feels and letting them be what they are. I am coming back to trust again and again. And I am recognizing the hidden gifts in this big change that will soon be revealed. Something “bad” may just be the thing to direct your life closer and closer to your dreams.
THIS WEEKS OFFERINGS