Prefer to listen? Here’s the recording.
Storylines may be hypnotic, but that doesn’t make them true
There are lots of ways to ditch a grim story.
Meditation is great, if you can do it. I find meditation pretty tricky when I’ve got a sucky story running with momentum. Emotional Freedom Technique(EFT) can be very soothing as a way into meditation at such times.
Distraction — having a sing, a dance, a nap, watching a good film — this can ease the story for a while, though you are likely to find the story returns when the distraction ends.
Emotions need soothing to let a sad story go
In my experience, the emotions are the drivers of all stories. Acknowledge and soothe the story’s emotions and you’ll find the story dissolves.
This is a simple statement to make, but it takes some doing, when negative emotions hold sway. They swirl hypnotically inside us, telling tales of grim despair. The story seems so TRUE!
The story may seem true, it may even be true… but it’s never the only truth. If you’re feeling wretched, regardless of how true it is, this story’s not serving you.
No matter how strong the hypnosis, any storyline will dissolve the minute you focus solely on soothing the emotions that entrance you. It’s a job of work, bringing yourself back to those emotions, telling those stories to step aside.
Many a time, I’ve rested my forehead on my kitchen cupboards, dripping tears onto the worktop as I tell myself out loud the truth of what’s going on…
Storyline is a red herring.
Soothe the emotions.
That’s it.
I let go of the storyline, asking, ‘What emotion needs soothing right now?’
I get to work.
My favourite tool for this work is Abraham’s ‘Laddering’ — climbing the emotional scale. It’s a great way to appreciate the job our emotions do for us, guiding us back into alignment when we’ve slipped into about-life’ mode.
I’ve recently added another dimension to this Laddering tool. Inspired by Byron Katie’s ‘Loving What Is’, and Jonathan Shaw’s ‘Do The Opposite’ process, enquiry brings even more relief at each rung.
Question your story to loosen its grip
Want to soothe emotions? Question your story. Explore its opposite.
“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is ‘out there’ — as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering — the situation is hopeless.” — Byron Katie
Talking your way up through negative emotions, in the order that’s just right for you, is a powerful, powerful tool. When you stop on each rung of the ladder to question the story, it releases its hold way faster.
Here’s an example.
I recently laddered my reaction to negative emotions.
I had been resisting feeling sad. Fearing fear… Scaring myself (subconsciously) with stories about how negative emotion was going to take over my life and finish me off. Grief can feel so overwhelming…
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” — Byron Katie
The lowest rung of my ladder on this topic went like this:
I feel afraid when I think that my negative emotions are going to overwhelm me.
(I add the phrase ‘… when I think that…’ very consciously now, to make it clear that it’s the thought or story that’s causing the problem.)
Then, before moving up the ladder as I would have done in the past, I use a combination of Katie’s and Shaw’s questions to release the fear. Like this:
‘My negative emotions are going to overwhelm me.’
Question 1: Is that true?
Well, they do feel pretty overwhelming…
Question 2: Is it really true? That ‘…my negative emotions are going to overwhelm me….’
Well, no. Not really. Not in an absolute sense. (Negative emotions are always based on flawed thinking, this thought can’t be the truth of who I am.)
Question 3: What thoughts would be the opposite or better?
My negative emotions are going to uplift me.
Question 4: In what ways could these opposite thoughts be true?
Well, I do find much greater joy once I soothe them. When I release the flawed thinking they signal, I am uplifted. They show me the way Home. They are always guiding me back to the truth of who I am.
Question 5: How do you feel when you think those, opposite thoughts?
I feel relief. Relaxed. Easy. Light. No big deal… Phew!
I move then to the next rung of my ladder.
Anxiety. (For me, anxiety is slightly less intense than fear. Talking myself upward to anxiety takes my emotion in the direction I want.)
Anxiety… What thoughts could bring me out of fear and into anxiety?
I feel anxious when I think the thought that I need to feel good. That it’s bad for me to feel negative emotions. Bad for my body and mind.
The enquiry continues:
Question 1: Is that true? That ‘I need to feel good’?
No. Clearly. Because I am here. Now. Feeling bad.
Question 2: Is it really true? That ‘… it’s bad… for my body and mind…’?
Well… it is really… toxic thoughts/toxic chemicals in the body etc… (That’s the beauty of this question, it doesn’t matter if we think the answer is a resounding YES. Simply asking the question loosens the grip of the scary thought.)
Question 3: What thoughts would be the opposite or better?
I don’t need to feel good. It’s not bad for me to feel bad… It’s good for me to feel bad?
Question 4: In what ways could these opposite thoughts be true?
Well, I’m here. That means I can’t NEED to feel good. It’s good for me to feel bad… it makes me stop and align. My body and mind are brilliant at alignment. As I soothe my emotions, I bring my body and mind back into balance and into even greater wellbeing. This is the natural process of contraction/expansion. It’s healthy. It’s good. It’s life’s creative engine at work!
Question 5: How do you feel when you think those, opposite thoughts?
I feel so relieved. I feel free to breathe easily… I feel at one with life. Aligned. I can love where I am now. Nothing has to change. I love Unconditional love!
Excellent! Now I talk myself into the next best feeling emotion, one rung up on my ladder— I head, with an inner grin, for thoughts that bring shame…!
Each negative emotion is calling you Home
If this approach resonates you’ll find it adds such power to the Laddering tool!
You’ll see every negative emotion is simply your Inner Being, cloaked. Each one is her, lovingly acting the part of a monster. Why? So you can peel back the shroud and reveal your true glory — which becomes greater with every unveiling.
Each negative emotion now brings relief, you can so appreciate their role. You may even want to give them a hug! As you tune into the emotions, releasing the story that had you spinning for a moment, you love the expansion at the heart of each one. Thrilled with its gift, you relish the next rung on the ladder, as you prepare to uncover its truth.
If you use the questions with any painful emotion and the thoughts that create it, you’ll find relief even without going further with the laddering process. Taking yourself from the scary story into relief is a joy you come to adore!
Use the questions with laddering and you’ll be laughing before you know it!
Why not give it a try?
Here they are for easy access:
Question 1: Is that true?
Question 2: Is it really true?
Question 3: What thoughts would be the opposite or better?
Question 4: In what ways could these opposite thoughts be true?
Question 5: How do you feel when you think those, opposite thoughts?
If you’d like a little help getting started, get in touch. This work is a joy to encourage.
Acknowledgement: My blogs, my coaching and my life are founded on wondrous teachings, most particularly those of Abraham-Hicks.