My reusable bags embarrass me? Plus cringe-worthy memories of middle school that keep me from volunteering, and the safety of zoom replays—who am I?
And other odd things I'm learning about myself as I do a "fear-setting resistance challenge"
Cheese and crackers.
Coffee and early mornings.
Best friends and weekend getaways.
Who says good things come in threes? Gimmie a good combo package and I’m a frolicking backpacker. I love it when two good things come together and feel like a Hallmark card.
Like writing and listening to jazz. Snowy mornings and cozy beds. Peas and carrots (just kidding, peas are gross—yes they are).
Here’s a rather unusual one for you though: Tim Ferriss and Reid Cox. I’ll explain… (and no, they’re not some new “it” couple, but I agree, they do sound like they could be!)
But First…
You know when someone from a really, really, really long time ago says something profound and you grew up hearing it from people like your high school guidance counselor to your present-day virtual therapist, yet you continue to dismiss it despite its magnitude of potential to make your life 1000% better—until one day in your late 40s a very bright light goes off in your head and you realize what a gem of wisdom it truly is and now all you want to do is follow that piece of advice forever more?
We’ve all had that happen right? Right??
Hold on to that thought.
Back to stellar combos
Tim Ferriss is a serial entrepreneur and all-around mad scientist of sorts. Every week he sends out this 5-Bullet Friday email blast of the top 5 things he’s reading, listening to, mulling over, you get the idea… it’s like a peek into the head of John Malkovich.
His latest one took me to a weight loss article about some dude who lost a lot of weight because he had a Harajuku Moment. (Don’t know what that is? Neither did I—ENTER RABBIT HOLE.)
Fortunately, I didn’t delve too deep into the hole before I got distracted by Tim’s TED Talk on Fear-Setting (causing me never to find out what a Harajuku Moment is now that I think about it…)
Anyway, it was a good talk, I enjoyed it, but on its own, I didn’t do anything with it, despite it being very good advice.
Sometimes just one thing doesn’t make a “combo”. It needs a catalyst.
Enter the catalyst
Sometime later in the day, maybe the following day, I was cruising around Substack, making friends, hitting “like” buttons like I was giving out candy to all the kids during a July 4th parade, when I came upon Reid Cox’s Resistance Challenge… and WHAMO, I found my catalyst.
Here’s why they work well together:
Reid’s Idea: Resistance Challenge. Reid wrote a post about how a simple 2-week resistance challenge is changing her life. In her words: “I have seen the light! I have felt the urge to not do something I know I should do now and then resisted the resistance by just doing the thing immediately! I have felt true bliss!”.
I’m in.
So a resistance challenge is focusing on resisting the resistance toward something we know we should do but because of some big wall of fear or whatever it may be, we don’t want to do it and that’s too bad for us because growth mindset and all, but when we end up doing it, we feel incredible. Unstoppable. Like, what was all that drama for?
Tim’s Idea: Fear-Setting. Rationalize your fears instead of bowing down to them like a doddery jestress. When fear has him by the balls, he writes out the worst thing that could happen, followed by all the ways he can prevent the worst thing from happening, followed by all the ways he can repair the damage should the worst thing happen. (Spoiler Alert: the worst thing usually happens only in our imagination, not IRL.)
Why these two pair so well: Fear-set the things you feel massive resistance toward and challenge yourself to do them anyway = life-changing results.
And that’s what I’m doing this week.
Now, remember that piece of advice from eons ago that I never followed until this week?
In the words of Elenor Roosevelt, I’m doing one thing every day that scares me. I believe her quote was “Do one thing a day that you fear.” (And I kinda have that feeling that maybe it wasn’t Elenor that said that?? Maybe it’s some urban legend like Thanksgiving and how we grew up thinking it was all lollipops and unicorns when the Pilgrims and American Indians sat down at the same table to break bread and eat cornucopias but now we all know it’s more like the Christmas dinner scene from The Bear in which Jamie Lee Curtis went bonkers??)
Now back to our regular programming
Things I’m doing that scare me:
On Monday I was supposed to go to a school volunteer meeting for International Day at my son’s middle school. (The immediate smell of middle school upon entering the building gives me the heebie-jeebies. I have literal flashbacks of Aquanet hair spray dripping into my eyes, drool from my mouth hitting the floor as my friends and I hung up pics of Jordan from New Kids on the Block in our lockers, and the always-in-style doubled-up neon socks which will always remain a bad choice 😖) I quickly decided I wasn’t going, it was too uncomfortable, too mom-ish, too PTAish, too filled with awkward flashbacks.
So I went.
Another day—and this one will clue you into how far my insecurities run because there is some stupid shit I think when it comes to me being in public—I grabbed my reusable bags to take with me into Whole Foods when I noticed how shabby and gross they were—one with a big ‘ole hole in it—and I thought it too embarrassing to bring these in with me should I come across another mom, so I PUT THEM BACK IN MY TRUNK. Am I a complete narcissist? Like who even notices shit like that?! (Sharing this is quickly turning into today’s fearful thing.) Anyway, I fished them out and faced my shabby bag fear??? So much I’m learning about myself—am I really like this?!
Another day I attended a live Zoom call instead of waiting for the replay because replays are safer—what if I pluck a chin hair by accident and everyone notices? And another day I walked out of the house with no makeup on. (Listen, nobody said any of this had to be life-saving work here.)
Wrap it up
My point is, doing something every day—no matter how small—can clue you into how warped your thinking is when it comes to how you see yourself, and how a lot of what’s keeping you back is complete and utter shit that only you’re thinking about.
Do the scary things. Resist the urge to flee the scene. Open yourself up to discomfort and begin to live a more interesting life! It really works.
Has any of this enticed you to want to begin facing your fears? Any thoughts on what you might discover about yourself if you do one thing a day you fear? Please share!
Oh my goodness!! I LOVE this!!! The honesty is so refreshing! The vulnerability was beautiful! And message very timely. Well done, Sis! I teach middle school soooooo all the middle school feels are so spot on. I also hate when I let myself get intimidated by other moms because they seem to have themselves a bit more together than me. I know we are all a hot mess, but I just don't hide it as well all the time. lol Last thing... no makeup!! You go, girl!! I have gotten better about this too. I have almost completely stopped wearing face makeup and only throw my eyes on for work. haha Once I got over that initial fear it was pure freedom! Anyway, love this! Thanks for sharing!
Wow LOVE this post AM! So cool to see that the "Resistance Challenge" inspired you to do the things that scare you! Please keep sharing, I really enjoy your writing!