When Good Books Replace The Good Book
A Reflection on a Year of Focusing on Human Literature over the Bible
The year 2023 closed in darkness for me. Inside my soul were hurt, bitterness, hatred, and a sense of fear and hopelessness that I could not shake. Illness fostered deep anxiety in me, and anxiety inflamed illness. I received no clear answers as to my sickness, nor to my dismal mental state, but I believe they are deeply connected.
When I look back on the year, I see an uncountable number of blessings, but also great change and great busyness. Amidst it all, I stopped doing my devotions and seeking God’s face sincerely. I focused on everything but God: on my education, on my new marriage, on my job, and on my writing and YouTube ambitions. I delved into some really great books for pleasure, and then used my reading to fuel my creative outlets. Many of these books offered true insights into reality and helped me understand the world and my place in it; they were worth reading - don’t get me wrong. But while I haply dedicated my spare time to reading good books and writing about them (which is not a bad thing in and of itself!), I neglected to read the greatest book of all, the one that offers the truest explanation about everything as well as the wisdom to deal with everything and the comfort to do so despite the brokenness of everything. “I’m too busy to read my Bible,” I told myself regularly. “I’ll read Scripture when I’m finished with this book.” “When this project is done, I’ll have time to do my devotions.” These were my excuses for procrastination: the lies I told myself. As a result of this neglect, a deep soul-sickness set in.
The irony of the matter is that I knew my lack of alone-time with God was the problem, but I did nothing to change my priorities, even though it was in my power to do so. I thought I could cope with my stress and responsibilities and up-start ambitions on my own. I couldn’t. As the year drew to a close and winter encamped about me and the soul-sickness lingered, I realised something needed to change.
I spent 2023 trying to pursue the things that “gave me life”: reading, writing, and academia. But while these things enabled me to use my skills and enhance part of my life’s God-given purpose, they did not assuage the soul-sickness setting in. I told a wise older woman about the deadness I felt towards many areas of my life, and I told her about my literary pursuits and my hope of success in them. She pointed me to Psalm 119 and told me to decipher what God says will “give me life.” So I went ahead and read the whole Psalm. There were nearly twenty references to “life” and “life-giving.” In verse 25, the Psalmist cries out: “Give me life according to your word!” There are further references to God’s righteousness giving life (v. 40), God’s steadfast love giving life (v. 88), and God’s law and precepts giving life (v. 93). Needless to say, this chapter shamed me. It is the Word of God that gives life, not the words of men. It is the Word of God that gives value and direction to my life, not my own literary achievements. In the end, no matter what I accomplish in writing or academia, I will die. Then I will stand before God and give an account for what I did with the time He gave me. Did I seek Him first? Did I strive to build His Kingdom, or my own?
God often uses our weakness and despair to bring us back to Him. That is what He has done in my life over the past year, and more specifically in the past few weeks. I’ve remembered why I’m here. I’ve remembered my own futility. My eyes have been opened to my own sin. I’ve remembered that there is hope for me in Christ. I’ve remembered that all sadness and sickness will come to a glorious end. Putting my faith in God and His promises doesn’t come easy, but it's my only way forward. I know I will fall again. I will struggle to believe these things at times. I will be hurt and will hurt others again. But so long as I am able to draw near to God, there will be hope.
Devotions - reading Scripture, meditating, and praying - must be my priority in 2024 and the rest of my life. It will take some time to get back into the habit of doing devotions once or twice daily, but I pray that God will give me persistence and dedication. Dear readers, I sincerely encourage you to do the same. Whether you know God already or not, you need to remember and seek him day by day. This is the only antidote to soul-sickness, and the only hope we have for our short years and beyond.
These are the devotionals my husband and I are using alongside The Bible:
Truth For Life by Alistair Begg
New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp
A book to put life into perspective:
Remember Death: The Surprising Path To Living Hope by Matthew McCullough
Wise words. I just finished reading through Truth for Life volume 2 last year- it was excellent at pointing me to Christ each day. May it do the same for you x
Thank you for this!