This holiday season let’s give a big shoutout to those of us who are often “the only woman in the room.” After making my way around several events, I heard various stories from successful businesswomen talking about being the only woman in their workplace. One works with men who say toxic things to her staff. She asked them to stop. Then felt pressure to apologize.
Another is a manager who couldn’t get her employee to do the simple tasks she asked of him. When she sent him a list of the things he had neglected, he sent back a long emotional word-vomit on why he didn’t like her tone. Then, her male boss sent the same employee a curt message saying essentially, “these things must get done or else.” The employee responded with a simple “roger that”.
One friend is high up in a private company completely run by men. She tells them there’s a problem and how to fix it. That’s her job. To analyze data and find problems before they become catastrophes. They pay her a lot of money for this because she’s good at it. But when she points out a problem, they say, “collect the data and we’ll take a look.” She does. They don’t. She brings it up again. They tell her they need more current data. She gives it to them. They ignore her. She rolls her eyes and collects a paycheck. One day she’ll own her own company so she can apply her knowledge. Often that’s the only way to be taken seriously in a male dominated industry.
A very good friend just got a new job working for a woman-owned business and is psyched! In her last job working for all men, she had requested time-off around the time her niece was being born. It was approved so she scheduled her flight and made all necessary arrangements. Then her boss decided to take a vacation around the same time and asked her to rearrange her plans. When she explained she couldn’t because her plans revolved around the birth of her sister’s baby, he suggested her sister get an early induced cesarean.
What’s your “only woman in the room” story? I bet you have one.
I know I’m preaching to the choir. But as women we are a very special kind of chorale. We’re resilient and emotionally intelligent creatures who must be heard or something in us dies. Validation is one of the best things about talking to women. We give it to each other so naturally because we know we need it. And when you’re the only woman in the room, isn’t validation for your own value what you crave the most? Let’s give it to each other.
As Rebecca Solnit points out in her piece Preaching to The Choir, “The time the choristers spend with one another, the sum of their sympathy and shared experience, is part of what helps them sing in unison and in tune.” And when we all sing together, we are no longer the only woman in the room.
Join us for our next AOT in-person event in NYC on December 20th. Email amongotherthingsnyc@gmail.com.