I have an enormous amount of empathy for my mother who was a single parent of four children. Her ability to give sage advice was only matched by endless patience. But she was no domestic goddess. Our house looked like a bomb went off and we were living in the rubble. Meals were whatever you could scrounge in the filthy kitchen or whatever drive-thru Mom could hit on her way home from one of her multiple jobs. As an adult, I spent more time in therapy discussing Mom’s dirty house than Dad’s complete abandonment of any parental duties.
I was always jealous of my friend’s clean homes with stay-at-home Moms that provided for their every need. I loved playing at their house. Snacks just appeared. Toilet paper was always in the bathroom. If you wanted something to drink, you could just get a clean glass out of the cabinet and pick from a variety of refreshing beverages. I also had friends with two parents that worked. Their homes were clean too. And in the afternoons, their mom would vacuum while their dad watched TV in his “lazy boy” recliner.
Now I know why there was no “lazy girl” recliner. Moms don’t get to be lazy. They’re too busy cleaning, cooking, shopping, raising kids, and often making money too. Of course, they must do all this while looking attractive and accepting less pay than their male counterparts.
Today I raise my daughter in the West Village in Manhattan and am surrounded by some of the smartest moms in the world. They’re successful with degrees from Ivy League universities. Some are the “breadwinners” of their family. Yet, they still find themselves with an expectation to run the household. And they constantly struggle with work/life balance as they ask their husbands to “help out” more.
Some of us meet for coffee after dropping the kids off at school. And that’s when one of them came in with “Have you seen this documentary on NETFLIX called ‘Fair Play’?” After watching, we realized even though we think of ourselves as feminists we’re all enabling an old gender stereotype that’s not just holding women back but is also holding back men. AND the growth of our global economy.
The role of “MOM” has been engrained in us since we were little girls. We’re women. We’re supposed to take care of everyone and put ourselves last. Why? And that’s when we decided to start a social club to come together and celebrate that we are Moms AMONG OTHER THINGS!
We are also human beings that deserve equal respect, equal pay, and equal opportunity to find our own version of happiness. We make up over 80% of the purchase power in this society. Yet we get undervalued, underpaid, and are still fighting for basic rights over our own bodies. Did you know that women’s health research is hugely underfunded compared to what is spent on conditions that affect men? Don’t even get me started on the lack of knowledge about menopause! A condition that does or will affect all of us yet is barely studied.
The truth is there are more of us than men on planet earth. So why do we put up with this? AMONG OTHER THINGS will explore how Moms can be the solution to their own inequity. Join us at our events in New York City, subscribe here, and comment below to keep the conversation going and to learn how together we can change the world!
AMONG OTHER THINGS meets every 3rd Wednesday of the month in Manhattan. Email us at amongotherthingsnyc@gmail.com if you’d like to be added to the invite list. You can learn more about our writer, Tiffany Hodges Mintz, here.