Running towards a different kind of finish line.
In my 20s I ran to be thin. Now I've got a much better reason to soak up some miles.
I ran my first marathon aged 23. I had moved to London, got a crush on a boy at work, and wanted to impress him. I also desperately wanted to fit into Topshop Moto jeans, and wear a noughties corset (probably with cargo pants). Kate Moss was my style guru, but Kate Moss isn’t a size 14 with a hearty Hobnob habit. Kate Moss didn’t sit at a desk cold calling building services companies asking who managed their recruitment advertising (sucks to be you, Kate.)
I’d spent my teens trying to be thinner too, but with the addition of frequent wine-based nights out in my new London life, the calories were creeping up. Strong not skinny wasn’t yet a hashtag, body positivity hadn’t been invented yet, and I hated being bigger than my mates. I grew up watching the Spice Girls in tiny dresses, joined WeightWatchers at 17 and went on the Kellogg’s diet pretty much every month. Remember that diet with loads of eggs? I did that. Slimming World had all-you-can-eat pasta days so I definitely did that. Despite all of this, my shape and size didn’t change very much. Running a marathon seemed a perfectly reasonable way to achieve the flat stomach and firm thighs of the runners I saw running round Hyde Park.
The thing is, running makes you hungry. Sure, it makes you fit, gives you amazing stamina, and makes chasing down the no8 bus a breeze, but it also makes it easy to polish off a pizza. I did lose a little weight, but I didn’t get skinny.
Ditching the drink 5 years ago, and doing a TON of work on who I am, what I stand for and how I want to show up finally showed me that what my body looks like really isn’t that important. And actually, it looks quite good. Especially running up hills, squatting 35kg sandbags or taking a dip in the sea when there is snow on the beach in January. My body can do INCREDIBLE things, and I’m really proud of it. I still wish I could be smaller sometimes, because you can’t unpick 44 years of social conditioning, bland TV advertising and Hollywood messaging that quickly, but I finally understand that what I can do, and how I show up is much more important than the size label on my jeans. Somebody tell Kate Moss.
PS if you want to sponsor me, here’s a link - with my friend
PPS if you’ve spent too long exercising to burn off the wine calories, and think that maybe there’s a better way of thinking - and drinking - out there, I’m running a case study program for 3 women. DM me the word INTERESTED and I’ll let you know the application process.