God, what is the desire of my heart?
What is the true desire of my heart?
I will admit God has shown me the answer, but I want to explore the process first. It took me quite a while to discover it and I figure I’ll share some of my journey in getting there. The best way to start is with a bible verse.
Psalm 37:4 “Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desire.”
When I first read that verse I thought… Yes, that sounds amazing. I’ll take that please. But there was an issue, I had a wide range of answers for God to fulfill my “heart’s desire”. And as I’ve gotten to know God, I’ve learned that God doesn’t change. Then why were my answers changing? Something wasn't adding up.
My answers changed depending on my circumstances in life. And some of them were “legitimate enough” answers, but still not the core of my heart’s true desire. It was confusing to me because I’d always thought of myself as someone who knows exactly what they want. Soooooo, I sorta just gave up trying to get to the true answer. Which is also unlike me because I prefer to know everything. I’m not a fan of the unknown and to just let something go. But, I figured I’ve got so much to do and learn with God that this wasn’t a major life pressing issue.
Wrong.
Connecting my heart with God is THE upmost pressing issue life can have. My choice to “delay” finding my true heart’s desire and moving on caused me to really miss out on a lot with God. Perhaps that’s just what it took for me to discover it though. To be ready for God to reveal truth to me. I guess I’ll never really know.
So what is the desire of my heart?
The desire of my heart is to know and follow God.
Yes, it’s that simple. And honestly I feel this would apply to everyone. But I’ll just keep the entry to my experience. I mean what could be more fulfilling than God in my heart?
Nothing.
Because God created my heart. And he created it for eternity. And for my heart to be in loving fellowship with him. Obviously, my vast amount of sins has made that impossible for me to achieve. But as a believer, God makes it possible for me. As God’s child in Christ with the Holy Spirit inside of me, I am connected to God.
But why was the answer to the desire of my heart so significant for me to know? Because knowing the true answer revealed to me that all my other answers were wrong. And even if some were “good” answers they all fall very short of God himself. Understanding this has changed my life. Because God has changed my perspective.
Circumstances are a disaster to base anything on. I do like a challenge and I actually like change, but no way can I base too much of anything on circumstances.
God, I’d like circumstance abc to please go away.
God, I’d like circumstance xyz to please come my way.
They go up, they go down. Then they go in another totally unplanned direction. Erratic. Confusing. Fun. Frustrating. Exciting. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. Literally anything can happen, they always change. However, this means that circumstances can't be God’s basis of the desire of my heart. Because God is orderly and does not change. Circumstances are of the world. God is not of the world (he’s far above it). God is not going to base the desire of my heart on the things in the world. Ok this all makes sense, but now what do I do with all my previous answers?
I’d love to say once I realized my true heart’s desire everything became so much easier. I mean it’s simple — all my other answers were wrong. Well, in reality it is not simple. Because, even though I “know this” it is still a battle. I’m not too good at implementing it. I’d like to think I’m at least making someprogress though. I may or may not be, but at least knowing the truth can help me reset my perspective on what is making me happy. What I feel would make me happy, etc etc , etc. I just have to keep reminding myself of the truth over and over and over and over…
Ok wonderful, this major life pressing issue has been solved. I’ve found the desire of my heart. I’m all set. I can move on the many other things in life I need to figure out.
Wrong.
Because the desire of my heart requires effort on my part. Seek. I’m to seek. Ok, I can do that. That seems simple enough. I’ll put that on my list and get started right away. I’m going to seek God more and let him fill the desire of my heart.
Wrong.
How in the world can I fail so badly? Because there’s so many things in the world competing against God for my attention. And sometimes I just don’t want to put in the effort. That’s sad to me honestly, but it’s true. Thankfully God is aware of this. Of my very pitiful abilities to even seek him. Praise Jesus (literally) God is merciful and forgiving. And I can confess this to him. And he has a solution. I can pray for God to soften my heart and have him help me. I can ask for help. And I can assure you, this goes along with the many other things I need God’s help with (I should make a list).
I am happy to say that God does answer that prayer for me. He does indeed help me seek him.
Jeremiah 29:12-13 “Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart.”
So perhaps I should change the title of this entry.
God, you are the desire of my heart
So here it is.
Blog entry Ten (double digits)!
Follow God and Bake from your Heart,
Ellie
