What to do when everyone else is winning and you're not
Hey Sisturrr!
Welcome to December!
It's been a long ride around the clock, and we're now in the 12th month of the year.
2023 has been full of so much - Laughter, Tears, Wins and so much more.
By God's grace, 2024 will be bigger and better.
Amen.
But before we go into that, let me share some stories of how November looked like to me.
My Chat with Pastor Anya Oko
I've known Pastor Anya Oko for a long time now.
Back in the days in Aba, he hosted a monthly/bi-monthly relationship program tagged Aba Relationship Summit.
There are a couple of reasons I loved Pastor Anya and a couple of reasons why he stood out from the bandwagon of other pastors in Aba.
Towards the end of October, my friend whom I had been squatting with asked me to leave her place.
She needed a breather.
I told my parents, and because my mum knows Pastor Anya now lives partially in Lagos, she went ahead to go and talk with him.
Long story short, I spent 2 nights at Pastor Anya Oko’s House in Ogba-Ikeja.
The first night, we had a long chat.
I shared why I dropped out of Pharmacy School.
I shared my plans for the future.
I shared some of the things I was working on with him, and he saw my vision!
He told me he believed in me! And that he knew, that whether I got a University degree or not, I was going to be fine.
I attended TIBA Conference 2023
One of the biggest events of November was attending TIBA Conference 2023.
The event was hosted by Coach Omobabirin Osideko and happened on the 5th of November, 2023.
Because I spent the night at Ogba-Ikeja, I reached the event very early and in one piece.
I met some of the people I admire on LinkedIn, took pictures with them and networked.
Some of the people I met at TIBA Conference have become more than just friends.
(I'll share more on this later!)
It was such a delight to meet so many of Linkedin's faves and hear them talk in real life.
The lineup of guest speakers and panelists was so good.
I'll rate the event a solid 9/10.
I won't be giving them a 10/10 because they didn't start on time.
I finally moved into my own apartment in Lagos
I promised to share more details about my accommodation in Lagos in this issue.
Honestly, it's been quite a ride.
After paying for my apartment, I had zero money left to do the things I needed to do.
I didn't have money to buy a mattress, a gas cooker and other kitchen utensils.
I still needed to get curtains and paint the walls in a colour that I love (i.e., White).
My friend who I was squatting with wasn't having it the minute I rented the apartment.
She said she had reached her breaking limit for accommodating me.
Guys! She offered me a mat to go and start staying in my empty apartment 😪
About food, she said I should be buying food.
I cried and cried and cried 😪
This wasn't how I imagined moving into my own apartment in Lagos.
On Tuesday, the 14th of November, I took the bull by the born, picked all my things and left her house to my own apartment.
That night, I slept on the mat. But by the next day, God turned up for me!
I was able to buy a mattress, a gas cooker, cooking pots, plates and other basic kitchen utensils.
When I'm done fully with furnishing, I'll make a Vlog of the apartment tour and share it with y'all.
How Africa Startup Festival 2023 was a big flop
One of my reasons for moving to Lagos was to attend events and expand my network.
About a month or 2 ago, I bought an Explorer ticket to the Africa Startup Festival 2023.
The name, the lineup of speakers, the buzz… my expectations were through the roof!
Especially after I had a great time at TIBA Conference 2023 (a FREE event), I expected even more from the Africa Startup Festival (which was paid).
I left home early, and made my way to Victoria Island, but it was a big flop.
You can check out why in this post.
I was so disappointed!
P.S. Nnaemeka Clinton the organiser of the event eventually replied to my post on LinkedIn, apologized and promised me a FREE ticket to their next event (Africa Technology Expo).
I met someone special 🙈
In the last newsletter, I told y'all I broke up with my ex (Afam).
It's been almost 3 years of trying to make our relationship work, and it was tough.
I was making so much effort, and he was putting in none at all.
It got exhausting. So, I knew it was high time I moved on.
I did.
One of the fears I had about moving on was that I'd never meet anyone new.
I felt my life was just going to be very busy, long and boring.
Little did I know, the Universe had other plans!
We met at the TIBA Conference, talked briefly and exchanged contacts.
When I was down, a day before I moved into my new apartment, he called me and we talked briefly.
He reassured me that everything was going to be fine, and promised to come and help me move in on Tuesday.
He stayed true to his word.
I honestly don't know how moving in without any help would have been.
He kept me company, he made me happy, and our first date together lasted for 2 days.
Our second date together lasted for 4 days. He wanted to give me a memorable 24th birthday, and he succeeded.
Even when I fell ill a day after my birthday, this man took care of me!
He took me to a Pharmacy, cooked for me, fed me, and even did my laundry 😪
Nobody had cared for me that much. Not even Afam (my boyfriend of almost 3 years).
He always had this funny way of disappearing anytime I was sick and reappeared when I was well.
That was one of the cracks our relationship had.
Our third date happened on Tuesday (29th of November), I went all the way just to spend a few hours with him in his hood.
So yeah, I'm seeing someone new! I've never been happier! I might just have found THE ONE.
Fingers crossed 🤞
Opeyemi got married to the love of her life
Still talking about love and romantic relationships…
One of the marriages that happened recently I'm so excited about is Opeyemi and her hubby.
I met Opeyemi in 2020, during the Creative Youth Bootcamp.
I loved her charisma and energy!
Little will anyone know that she's visually impaired!
I invited her and Elizabeth Adams in October 2020 to Figure-8 Connect, on a session that was tagged INCLUSION.
They both shared how they navigated life as a visually-impaired and an Albino respectively.
It was a truly inspiring session!
Since then, Opeyemi and I haven't had much personal interaction, but I've always loved viewing her status.
I learned about her boyfriend (Temi Toju) in February 2021, when he engaged her.
Since then, I've low-key been waiting for their wedding.
I didn't see it happen, I just assumed maybe they had a private wedding.
I was so wrong!
This November, they got married 🥺
It was so beautiful to see Temi Toju break the stereotype and societal expectations to get married to a non-sighted woman.
I know it must have been very, very tough!
2021 till date!
I know his family especially would have kicked so hard against this, but I'm glad he followed his heart.
They had a courthouse wedding, a traditional wedding, a bridal shower and a church wedding.
I sincerely pray their relationship grows in strength and that the love they share gets stronger every day!
My experience with Patriachy & Misogyny
Anyone who knows me closely would tell you for free - I'm a feminist.
I don't talk about it very often, or keep making noise on social media, but if you have any interactions with me, it rears it's head 😁
As a single, unmarried woman who rented an apartment all to herself, I've been exposed to subtle forms of aggression from the male gender.
I've experienced misogyny from my landlord, the house agent, and even the painter who was supposed to paint my apartment.
Almost everyone feels you're incapable simply because “you're just a woman”.
Once they see no father, no husband or boyfriend, they suddenly start misbehaving because they feel there's nothing a woman can do to them.
So many times, you just have to subject to the Patriachy.
Like just telling them “he's my boyfriend”, even when he isn't. Just so people look away from you.
It's crazy!
I'm just 24 and the expectation for having either a husband or boyfriend is at all times high.
That's crazy!
A Facebook post I made attracted 2 international clients
Towards the end of September 2023, I decided to get active on social media again.
I decided to take my content marketing seriously to attract organic leads to my businesses.
I developed a content strategy and posting schedule, and have tried my best to stick to it since then.
It hasn't been easy, but I've been trying my best to show up, especially on LinkedIn (my primary channel).
Mondays through Fridays, I try to just repost the same thing I shared on my LinkedIn profile to my Facebook Business Page and Twitter too.
To my biggest surprise, a video I posted on my Facebook page a couple of weeks ago has gone on to attract 2 international clients:
Mr. Derrick from Zambia - who needs my LinkedIn profile optimization services
Mr. Sunny from the USA - who needs LinkedIn Coaching that'll take him from zero to hero level
Although none of them have paid, we've hopped on discovery calls and they're all interested!
It goes a very long way in encouraging me and teaching me the power of content distribution.
P.S. Mr. Sunny even wants to help me get a 100% Scholarship in the USA to study Marketing.
I hosted my 24th (virtual) birthday party
Thanks to my amazing sisters - Ugwu Benita, Omega UC, Esther Shedrach and Alimat Jimoh…
Y'all made my dream of celebrating my 24th birthday with a virtual party possible!
The highlight of my virtual party was answering all the questions that people had anonymously asked me.
It was so much fun!
Esther and I are currently working on a video that summarizes how the virtual birthday went!
Wait for it!
P.S. If you're my newsletter subscriber/reader, and you spared some time on the 22nd of November, to wish me a happy birthday, I appreciate 🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙏
My favourite girl is winning
There's this special joy I have whenever people closest to me are winning!
I remember how scared Fejiro felt about sending in her resignation letter from Velox in December 2022.
She was just that small girl with very big dreams of becoming one of the leading Marketing Executives in a big firm in Lagos.
Over the last 8+ months since her relocation, it's been from one win to the other!
I'm particularly shouting her out in this section because in November…
She had three big wins:
1. My girl rented her apartment in Lagos
2. My girl spoke at her first physical event (UXWA Conference 2023)
3. My girl was featured on Cowrywise Blog
I remember when we made our farewell video in February 2022, my sincere wish for her was this - Go and grab the world!
My baby girl has been doing just that! I can't wait to see all she becomes and achieves soon!
I missed a $1,000-2,000 monthly gig
For the 3rd time since July, I received a LinkedIn Inmail from a recruiter.
This particular gig was for the position of a Digital Marketing Specialist.
The pay was $1,000-2,000 Monthly (1.16-2.32 million Naira)
Like all the other 2 previous gigs, when a message comes, it disappears immediately after I see it.
For this particular one, I struggled for days to access the content of the Zip folder they sent me to no avail.
I was so sad.
I'm at a point where that amount of money can do A LOT for me.
So, losing that kind of opportunity because I didn't know how to access the link was just too painful for me.
But then, I consoled myself.
One day, an opportunity bigger than that will come, and I'm going to get it!
Wrapping up
Although it was my birthday month, November was quite a dark month for me.
I battled with depression, self-doubt and very low motivation.
There were so many days I woke up and wondered - What exactly am I doing with my life?
There were so many days I cried because I didn't have money and I was owing people.
There were days I felt like shit because friends who I thought understood me told me I was the architect of my misfortune and that I was being a pain in their ass.
There were days my mum went on and on about how and why this online thing wasn't real and how I needed to get a real job.
There were days I went without food because I was way too broken for that.
There were days I asked myself “What's wrong with my life?” because it seemed everyone else was winning apart from me.
If you've felt any of the above emotions, I want to remind you that you are not alone!
You're doing well! I'm proud of you 👏🙌👏
Look back to one year ago, 2 or even 5 years back. Don't you see how much you've grown?
You're not in competition with anyone! The only person you're allowed to compete with is who you were yesterday.
Life is a very personal journey.
We all have our seed time and harvest. Your harvest might be delayed but trust me, it's going to be big!
Even as we prepare to enter 2024, promise me you won't give up on your dreams! Promise me you'll keep working hard till you become insanely proud of yourself 🥰
Happy New Month!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in advance!
Make sure you enjoy your Christmas holidays, and I hope to write to you again in 2024 💃💃💃💃