Furious Elon Musk Demands Refund from Wisconsin
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—After being handed a bruising defeat in the state’s Supreme Court election on Tuesday, Elon Musk angrily demanded that Wisconsin pay him back “in full” for the money he poured into the contest.
“I want $20 million wired into my account by end of business Wednesday,” the furious South African declared. “And I want it all in cash, none of that worthless crypto shit.”
“Until I am refunded, every voter I bribed is my employee,” he continued. “As such, I forbid you to work remotely and demand that you report to Tesla headquarters at once.”
In a final demand, Musk said he expected to be reimbursed $16.95 for the cost of his cheesehead.
Thanks to Wisconsin, the Republicans Are Shitting Themselves
For saying “fuck you” to Nazis, Wisconsin has become the Greenland of the Midwest. They’ve sent the Republicans into a spiraling panic attack, which I break down here.
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Did you watch Cory Booker and/or Wisconsin results? How are you feeling this morning?
Imagine paying $26M to verify that people really think you’re a hateful, spiteful, egotistical SOB.😂🤣😅😂🤣 Absolute-lute-ly frickin’ amazing!