When we last met, I had just gotten the tattoo that I had patiently waited 2 years for - but it turned out that I had been waiting for 2 years for much more than that tattoo. (More on that in a bit - but first, some more backstory)
- If you feel like you’re walking into the middle of a conversation (well you are), go here and catch up.
Removing the Zoloft and things coming online
Over the course of removing the Zoloft and the other crap from my life, I then began to feel more open to the messages that the world and Mother Earth had been trying to tell me all along.
In the teachings of To Be Magnetic (see previous conversation), things will continue to tell you something has to be changed over and over. If you don’t listen, it will become a yell that increases in intensity. And still, if you don’t listen, you will enter rock bottom. Where the grass (rug) will be pulled out from under you and you will be forced to deal with the shit.
Well, in those 2 years, I hit rock bottom and had to deal with the shit.
But after this, especially post-Zoloft, all my feelers began to come back online. What they don’t tell you is that you begin to return to your previous self. And I had forgotten after 6 1/2 years on the drug, that I am a super feeler. I feel it all and so deeply. I feel everyone’s everything. And whoa, that coming back online was intense.
But I also got these vibrations that I should continue to explore that more. I got some tarot cards and began to use them to help those close to me. And let me tell you, the messages are so clear now.
I even channeled my Best Friends Grandmother and it was so clear - but also never happened before. Her response was “OMG Katie, What the fuck have you done?!”
But it was very clear that I have some gifts that have been lying dormant that I should explore now.
And it also became clear through a new and very important friend, that my Dad was trying to get my attention. He wanted to tell me something but it was still too traumatic to even go there. My 4-year-old son, Hugh, had been increasing his questions about him.
“How did your Dad Die?”
“Was he brown too?”
“Do you miss him?”
“Will he come back?”
I feel as though he was trying to get my attention by getting Hugh’s attention. I always answered the questions - but with a lump in my throat before my husband changed the subject. (Tears often follow)
So enter the trip to LA.
I felt light and open (Perhaps still a bit anxious, or excited?). I was ready to see what came to me on this trip. But the woo started as we got to the Tattoo appointment. I always knew in my heart that I was supposed to have this tattoo with this artist. Hands down.
Despite everyone giving me crap for waiting - I knew that there was a reason. And as soon as I got there I knew. I saw doodles of flowers on the windows, “they wipe off easily” He said. He also had the same love of flowers that I did. We respect them and what they bring to our lives.
But he was also a kindred spirit. He had also lost his dad in his 20s.
“It is the worst time for you to lose your dad. When you're a baby, you really need your mom. But when you are in. your 20’s, you really need your dad. And it is so hard to navigate that without them there and their guidance.” He said.
I told him that I felt exposed. I had lost my protection. The guy who said that he would always be there - wasn’t anymore. He just left without a real fight.
And I realized that I wasn’t sad, anymore. I was angry. And he understood.
After the tattoo was completed, we left to get Persian Ice Cream (OMG, ROSE ICE CREAM!). And I felt, lighter? I felt differently than I had in a very long time.
We decided to get some dinner and after wandering around went to a hotel to have dinner. It was so beautiful. It had these beautiful Murano Green light fixtures, and lovely artwork, and the music was divine.
As we were sititng there enjoying our meal, a song came on that triggered alarm bells in my head. “WHAT?!”. It was a song that I used to listen too on the way to the gym every morning to workout in the months after my dad had passed. The musician was known but the song was now 17 years old and not one you really heard anymore. But of all the songs, that was the one she was singing.
I knew that he was saying “hello” to me and telling me he was OK with the tattoo. (I will tell you I had always gotten piercings as a kid and HE DIDN’T approve of the “new holes” I was putting in my body). But I think he understood I needed it.
The next night, we went out to Dinner with my girlfriend’s friend - the place was meh but the woman who seated us had this beautiful energy about her. I had a feeling she was why I was really there.
After dinner, she said, “Please! Come back to see us!” I told her that we didn’t live in LA and why we were really there. She told me she understood. She had her own tattoo experience, but she too had lost her Dad in her 20s and had also made a grand move to New York. It was a bumpy start, but as she was sitting in the dressing room backstage for a show she was in (she was an aspiring actress), her dad appeared behind her.
She quickly turned around to not see anyone there.
As she whipped her head back around, there in the mirror she saw him again. ‘I will answer all of your questions now, but you won’t remember them. But you will know the answers in your heart.” She said, repeating his words. He answered all her questions, and the next day she woke up with the full knowing that she would accomplish her goals in New York after all.
I felt so energized. Someone else was put in my path to bring me a sense of wholeness and camaraderie from another person even if I didn’t know them.
I told my best friend about all of these events that were unfolding and she had a theory, that some get tattoos to release something within them. I think she is right.
I think all of these events - moving, no Zoloft, no drinking, the appointment, the tattoo, and lovely strangers - helped to bring me to a sense of wholeness. To allow me to release it and begin to feel whole again after 17 years of sadness.
Where to now?
I have no idea what is coming with these gifts I have. As they continue to come online, I will continue to explore them as they pave a path for me.
I’ll continue to work with the ancestors to help those in need, work through my current relationship I am in with my Dad, and find a way to use my gifts of seeing the beauty in others and help them become their full selves.
Whether that is through sharing more of my stories and adventures or just one-on-one, we shall see.
But I wonder, have you had anything like this happen to you? People brought into your path to share a message or encouragement? I’d love to hear if you would love to share.
Thanks for reading. Means so much.
Katie
PS. The song at the restaurant was this one.