If you watch the Super Bowl every February, you might not have noticed that this annual extravaganza features a football game, the final match-up between the last and best NFC and AFC teams standing. This year, the Kansas City Chiefs vs. San Francisco Giants.
That’s because of singer/songwriter Taylor Swift and her “Squad.”
Every time a crucial play went down, the camera crew would cut to her for a reaction.
Jesus. Christ.
It was as annoying as you might imagine in a game that mostly went nowhere until — as is characteristic of the Chiefs’ slow-burn playing style — the last quarter.
The Giants provided most of the thrills, with creative passing, unstoppable rushing, and an earnest purity I haven’t seen since college ball.
The Chiefs? Well, as soon as the Giants started making them look like the bush league, some of the football stars began acting out.
QB Patrick Mahomes got into it with refs over penalties, as well as an irate, justified receiver who was clearly open (Mahomes tried to throw it to his bestie, tight-end Travis Kelce, instead) and Kelce threw an ugly tantrum demanding to be put back in the game, nearly bumping his head coach to the ground.
Not their first rodeo, either, if you get my drift.
At any other time, that alone would’ve gotten a player benched and fined.
Let’s pan to Swift!
Wait, did I imagine the last 40 years? Am I still back in high school?
Except for a blip of a Budweiser commercial (below) harkening back to the cute puppy, now grown dog, helping his horse friends get the beer to a bar in the middle of nowhere, the Super Bowl ads sucked as well.
They were elaborate, expensive excuses to keep the attention on celebrities. All the usual suspects showed up to look glam: “Friends’” Jennifer Aniston and David Schwimmer, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Tom Brady, and J. Lo, David Beckham and Victoria “Posh Spice,” Kate McKinnon — who is quite possibly the most cringe, unfunny comedian on the planet, the Kardashians and Usher, blah blah blah.
Usher was the half-time show, which went about as expected. Even my son, 22, a huge rap fan, thought it lackluster. A brief glimpse had Usher and Co. grunting and grinding like horn dogs revving up for an all-night orgy, without any musicality whatsoever.
Bring back the marching bands!
I used to like the 49ers for a time, after Staubach retired from the Dallas Cowboys. But then life took over and — burnt out from watching nothing but football and every other sport known to man alongside my obsessed dad — I quit the habit.
Every Super Bowl, though, I vow to quit watching for good. Not even a peek.
But it’s an excuse to hang out with my husband, eat Buffalo Wild Wings, and gawk like Beavis at the shit show unfolding before me. Every so often, if I wait long enough, I’ll get rewarded with a really good play showcasing really good athleticism…the passing, the tackling, the sudden interception…
If I were a boy, I’d have played for sure. If my parents were more liberal, I’d have still played, probably as a tackle.
The NFL, along with other professional sports leagues, stopped being interesting a long time ago, back when I noticed it was more of a show than a game.
Many in the growing conspiracy movement suspect all the pro games of being rigged anyway, which makes sense, since nobody seems to give much of a shit who wins, so long as they can be a part of the Hollywood hype and the multi-million-dollar merchandising/gambling.
Swiftie® apologists eulogize their country/pop idol for making football more inclusive, expanding viewership to younger (hipper) generations. Because that’s all we need...
Fine.
But the scope of coverage attached to the Taylor Swift Show, now infecting football, is bordering on a soul violation — at least to me, a purist who wants only to play ball.
I don’t care to see Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s Narcissistic fantasies play out across the football field to “You Belong with Me” over the speakers, over and over again.
Please.
I never signed up to be an extra in their music video.
“…You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset
She’s going off about something that you said
‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do…”
The way Swift flounces on “I” in the last line is everything I hate about girls like her.
Ooh, look at me! Look at me! Look how fucking awesome I am! Nana nana boo boo!
It’s bad enough Valentine’s Day follows the Super Bowl, so I can see more couples showing off their putrid love on social media.
In the end, wouldn’t you know it, just like in the movies…the overrated Chiefs, whose time came and went, suddenly bounced back from a loss in overtime, giving another win to America’s Homecoming King and Queen.
Barf.
My Ravens got screwed in the AFC title game; therefore, I strenuously refused to watch the SB.
Also, I'm just as sick of Taylormania as you are. She ain't all that, IMO.
Outstanding analysis Carol. You're in fine form as always. 🌟