Why Won't Anyone Watch My Dog?
I'm missing my son, a wedding, and a chance to gorge on Chinese dumplings, Penn Cove mussels, and Pagliacci Pizza, because I won't cut Bungee's balls off
I bought a sundress for a wedding I’ll never attend. It’s blue-green, reminds me of the Northwest, and pretty — even on me — but it’s still hanging in my closet.
Oh well, maybe I’ll wear it on a Costco run or when I water my garden tomorrow.
Alas, my husband just left on a 10-day trip from Idaho back to Washington for a gig tomorrow and a friend’s wedding Aug. 12. In between those two dates, he’s free. But he’ll be on his own, once again, because we can’t find anyone to watch our dog, Bungee.
As far back as May, we thought we’d both be going together, dog in tow.
Whenever my husband had a gig in WA, he’d always stay with this musician friend and his girlfriend — the ones getting married — at their house with their three dogs. Once, last year in May, I dog-sat while they traveled to Santa Fe for a weekend getaway with other friends from Vegas.
It was my pleasure. I love those dogs.
The friends were always asking when we’d visit them next time, with Bungee. Their door was always open — provided we had him fixed.
When May of this year came around and I still hadn’t scheduled the neutering, the girlfriend began to balk. She said she’d have to think about it.
Then, the die was cast when a trusted dog trainer they leave their pets with from time to time advised against having Bungee around, because he was unfixed. It didn’t matter that their dogs, including one female, were spayed and neutered.
The trainer believed our dog could pose behavioral problems, sight unseen, even though I have never seen Bungee act weird around any dogs he encountered, female or male.
Or, the biological fact that a female dog has to be in heat and is only in heat twice a year for three crucial days for any male dog to react…and it takes days for the bloody lead-up to the act, which anyone can spot and stop way in advance even if such an unlikely event happened.
Besides, what does it matter? It’d be like humping a couch. Nothing would happen.
I have valid reasons for leaving Bungee intact, from lived, past experience, basic, common sense, and medical facts.
Nevertheless, the girlfriend of the about-to-be-married-couple pushed me on the neutering issue, claiming that dogs become less aggressive after getting fixed. I told her that’s not necessarily true of all dogs, certainly not my first puppy, Manu. If anything, he became more aggressive.
At the time (2006), Manu’s PetSmart vet brought up the same argument, but in the context of generally and some puppies, not all.
He never mentioned waiting until after the bones get fully formed to avoid joint issues later, which a lot of dog owners are now doing. Or the importance of hormones to immunity and growth.
It was like arguing over the COVID-19 vaxx all over again.
The push-back I got reminded me of the pandemic and the mandates…and look where all that got us in the end. Those of us who questioned the real efficacy of fast-tracked EU *vaccines* (that ended up failing us) were proven right.
Even if you got vaxxed, you still got Covid. So WTF was the point?
People who questioned and even pushed back on the Covid party line somehow missed the part about — and dropped the ball on — questioning all establishment doctrines, including whether to fix their dogs or not.
Free thinking didn’t begin and end with COVID-19. Just because everybody’s doing it, doesn’t mean everybody should.
I watched good people hide behind the pretense of compassion (don’t kill grandma) to cover their own fear about dying, while designating those who disagreed with their POV as lepers and treating them shabbily.
I watched those same people never acknowledge the fallacy of their fascist ways, falling in line with whatever the authorities dictated, unthinkingly.
I watched their masks, along with all their caring, fall away, revealing ugly truths.
Our soon-to-be-marrieds’ sudden about-face on Bungee forced us to find someone else to take him in, so we could attend their wedding that my husband was playing for free.
Fucked-up, right?
Back in May, when we were in a Chelan VRBO with our dog and those very friends for a festival gig (apparently, they had no problems with Bungee then, proclaiming him so much better well-behaved than their dogs), James drove over for a quick visit. He heard about our plight and readily offered to watch Bungee for us, maybe take a few days off work in the bargain.
The timing would be perfect, as he’d planned to move into another rental with other friends in mid-July, and this rental would be pet-friendly.
But then, his move-in day kept getting pushed back, as the current inhabitants keep dragging their heels on moving out. So our son found a friend willing to take Bungee in for those 10 days.
She’s the same friend who rescued Bungee from the shelter and gave him to us around Memorial Day of 2021. “She moved into a rental that allows pets, and has a dog,” our son added.
About two weeks before we were supposed to leave for our trip, I had a bad feeling she’d bail, so I reached out to a former neighbor friend over there, just in case. I even have the texts to prove it. Unfortunately, that friend wouldn’t even be around at the time, holing up in a cabin somewhere else. Plus, her daughter got a cat on top of their two dogs, and it would be too much.
A week later, my bad feeling proved prescient when our son’s friend did indeed back out without returning his calls to explain.
We’d reached out to others we knew, but received nothing but silence, profuse apologies, and excuses.
If the situation were dire — like, one or both of us were at death’s door kind of dire — I seriously doubt the answer would’ve changed to yes, of course, happy to help.
Where are all the pet advocates now?
Yesterday, I went around my house doing chores with the ever-present Prosecutor in my head hammering away, saying all of this was my fault, because I was a heinous human being unworthy of such devotion.
“If you were a good person, you’d have people lining up to help you, no questions asked. They’d bend over backwards to inconvenience themselves,” The Prosecutor droned on before showing me memory after memory of the many times I’ve sucked and all the good people who got alway with bigger asks.
It’s you. You’re the problem. Nobody likes you. Nobody wants you around. Or else they’d have said yes, like they said yes to everybody else.
I tried to think of all the good people who came to my rescue — whether I knew them well or not. I tried to make excuses for the ones who didn’t, given their situation, circumstances, hardships. I tried to go easy on myself.
Then, I gave up.
My husband kept staring forlornly at me in the days leading up to him having to leave me again, feeling completely gutted. He sent an email to his band mates, asking if any of them were willing to take our dog in for just a few days (nobody replied). He even found a VRBO in Mill Creek for under $200 a night…all so he could do his gig and play at his musician friend’s wedding, for free, maybe treat his son to dinner, catch up.
By then, all the rejections left a bad taste in my mouth.
None of that matters. I’m home. I’m alone. I’m taking care of my dog by myself. I’m fine about it. I never wanted to go to the wedding anyway.
Whatever, man.
Next time we go back to Washington, we’ll try that pet-friendly VRBO.
Email to Church of Chuck…
On Aug 4, 2023, at 4:51 PM, Carol Weber wrote:
Hi Chuck,
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned...confession time:
I bought a sundress for the wedding. I made all sorts of foolish plans, including catching my son's U12 Select soccer team in the Xtreme Starfire tournament (he's ass't coach), farmers markets, U-pick blueberries, long, windy drives to La Connor, and lots of Seattle area restaurants.
A week or so before we were ready to leave for Washington, my son sent me a note saying his friend (the one who rescued Bungee from a shelter and then had to give him to us) may not be able to watch our dog after all, but he couldn't get a hold of her for three days. He originally offered, but the rental he's supposed to move into mid-July isn't available now until maybe late-Sept., because the current tenants are stalling on moving out.
I told him it was no big deal for me to stay home, before breaking the news to Ed. We tried to find people willing to watch Bungee here and in WA, but...crickets. Ed reached out to his bandmates, but nobody responded. He even tried to push the idea of renting a VRBO in Mill Creek, but why would he want to spend money for one gig (today) and a wedding a week later? It's not worth it.
Theresa and Dave always wanted us to bring Bungee over when we visited, but contingent on him being fixed. A trainer they trust recently advised them against having Bungee around their fixed dogs, so here we are.
I have valid reasons for keeping him intact, after doing some research and following my gut — the same gut that told me Covid was a sham. It seems I'm going against the entire world. I feel like even people who saw the light about Covid would condemn me, because free thinking apparently applies only to this particular pandemic.
I'm working through feelings of sadness, loss, despair, and loneliness. Not really anger, though. What's the point. It would've been nice to see my son again. At least I had Chelan (in May), when he drove up for a day and a half to see his dog. I hadn't seen him in well over a year before then. Not my choice. None of this is my choice.
Times like this, all that sustains me is knowing Jesus went through much worse. He totally knows what this is like. Everyone who professed to love him abandoned him in the end. To public humiliation and horrible death. I can take this, no sweat.
Just wanted you to know.
I understand Theresa's stance, she's looking out for her dogs. I just don't share it; it doesn't make sense to me to keep an intact dog away from three fixed dogs, two of them male, especially when you know about the very small window of opportunity leading up to a bitch in heat and ... you know your dog.
It'd be like humping a couch, nothing's gonna happen.
But Bungee, who's still growing btw, doesn't hump anything. He's always been good around other dogs. No behavior issues…can’t say the same about other dogs.
Bungee's a good dog, Chuck, even though everyone abandoned him. Even I failed him by taking him on when we couldn't keep him in our rental (before our home build kept getting delayed), forcing him to go from temporary home to home and fend for himself in the crucial months of his early puppyhood. Trying to find someone to temporarily foster him during that time was almost impossible.
I won't abandon him, not for all the weddings in the world.
Maybe they're worried about their dogs' reaction to Bungee, who is unfixed. Fair enough, I guess. I'm not the dog expert.
They're making the right decision for their dogs, but I am making the right decision for mine.
I was also supposed to take candid pictures. That would've been fun, plus the taco bar, plus watching your band in action again. I'll be there in spirit — with my dog — back here. As always…
Love you.