Looking at the social media feeds for the holidays that have just passed, it might seem that others are just so much happier than we are. They are all doing the stuff, which is better than we are doing. But that is a curated and not necessarily reality. Even if it is, it is not your reality. Some people look to others to create their happiness, others are certain they will never find it. The reality is that it is within your control.
Here are some things I have learned about creating your own happiness that I hope you will find helpful.
Live in the present
Making the best of where you are right now can be a superpower. Living in the present is a way to control what you can. The past has already happened and the future is out of our control, so let’s be in the present moment. I have watched my dad navigate to a new level of care. His strategy, which he has used in many different scenarios, is to make the best of where you are...right now, today. He does that every day. It was a lesson for me, for sure.
Live your values
When we align with what is important to us, we will be happier. What are your values and are you living them? Here is a list from Brene Brown to get you started. When we are not living our values, it causes anxiety, worry, stress, and dissatisfaction. Learn what is important to you and then walk the walk. The first step is finding the values that are yours, not someone else’s. A misalignment in values can cause a whole host of problems. Knowing yourself and what is important to you is critical here.
Self-care leads to happiness
One of the most important things we can do is to care for ourselves. (Carrie, are you listening?) When we spend all our time doing what others need, we are depleted and out of sorts. I know that I can feel disgruntled and unloved. Practicing self-care (self-love) allows me to put on my oxygen mask first. Make time for yourself, learn to set boundaries, and forgive what you need to. Make it a habit to put yourself first. This will take awareness and practice. What better time to start than today?
You are what you think
When you find yourself stuck in negative thoughts, look for ways you can reframe them more positively. Here are two ways that might help do this. First, ask yourself “How true is this story I am telling myself?” We create scenarios and stories that often have little basis in truth. Learn to help yourself spot the stories that are not helpful and kick them to the curb.
Gratitude is another tool that can help with reframing where you are and what you are thinking. Start small by looking for three things you are grateful for each day. Write them down and tomorrow, you need to find three different ones. Looking at life through a lens of gratitude can make a world of difference.
Happiness is a habit
Like with many things, we get better with practice. Allow yourself some grace to be in the moment you are in and then head to your toolbox to help you put yourself in a place of happiness. Action is your friend and with action, we move forward in however small steps we can do at the time. It can take time to make a new habit, but why not start today?
With any forward progress comes more progress.
One step at a time.
Just keep swimming.