Recently the FAA blamed the Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) for delaying an environmental review that’s needed to issue a launch permit for Starship. This galvanized the FWS into action and within months a small team of FWS professionals were spotted investigating wetlands near SpaceX’s Orbital Launch Site. Apparently the noise of the launch was only exceeded by cheers of appreciation from SpaceX fans, which could be a problem. So likely the FWS team will begin their investigation with the basics and use their wild rangers to capture a sleeping seal and wrestle it onto a custom restraining board. Then once the seal is comfortable they can subject it to sonic booms to simulate the noise of a launch, using a special set of seal friendly headphones. This process should allow them to discover whether launch acoustics affect the seal’s libido during their mating season, although how they determine this is best left unexplored…
Another consideration, but no less serious, is the gallons of water used by Starship’s deluge system. Some of this water might drain into the adjacent mud flats, creating a similar effect to a heavy rain shower. Of course from the FWS’s perspective, they have to consider all the implications and possible hazards from this wanton use of fresh water. For example: fish might try to follow this stream of water to its source, perhaps even finding themselves stranded in small pools, exposing themself to unnecessarily trauma. Hence these fish needs can’t be ignored, they will have to be polled by the FWS to determine how this might affect them emotionally, would they view this as entrapment etc, etc. No doubt their fish whisperer’s task won’t be easy, these mud flats straddle the Mexican border, so there’s a chance some of these fish maybe be Mexican… These of course require special consideration, e.g. they might be classed as refugees from the Mexican fishing industry. Some too might be in danger from the condoms of illicit substances they unintentionally ingested as they crossed the border. Things are never so simple as they might seem for these diligent FWS agents, particularly considering their special gifts. And of course their task is made no easier by the FAA throwing them under the bus by blaming them for everything.
In conclusion, the site SpaceX shares with their animal partners is of extraordinary value. The surrounding area is pristine, no one has been able to build anything there because it’s basically a morass of alluvial silt deposited from the end of the Rio Grande. In fact SpaceX went to extraordinary lengths to build a launch site there, importing thousands of tons of remedial soil to stabilize the ground then using deep concrete pilings to support the Orbital Launch Mount. Let’s hope the FWS can see the benefits of this valued partnership and their well-meaning efforts don’t come to naught, say if SpaceX decide to sue the FAA. But let’s not end on an unhappy note, just focus on all those happy seals and fish clapping their fins with joy, all thanks to the unvaluable FWS.