What People Don't Understand About Me
…and this includes my parents…is, well, how I feel as a child of immigrants. I really don’t understand, understand AT ALL why, when I say that I want to support programs for other people in my position (i.e. children of immigrants, whether still minors or adults), that I get the same spin from organizations that help immigrants. What’s the “spin,” you ask? There’s some weird preamble about helping them, sure, but the general focus is on newcomers. WTF to the infinity…and beyond, people?
And it’s worse when I’m speaking with the DE&I crowd (and I can’t reiterate this ENOUGH…I know I’ve written about this before on my other site and discussed on my podcast). No wonder so many of us are in therapy. At least I’ve found a therapist I connect with. Other people aren’t so lucky. And I’m lucky to find a therapist from a DIFFERENT background who understands me. I’m not even sure I COULD see a therapist from my own background without feeling like I’m being shamed. People don’t seem to get THAT part, either. It’s weird. I feel like I’m caught in the middle sometimes. Jooksing is - hollow bamboo, neither one (Chinese) nor the other (Anglo-Canadian in my case) - is most definitely accurate and correct! I can’t emphasize that enough as my identity. I really should be calling this Jooksing Life or something. I DID have a blog with that name for a while, but it just didn’t stick. Oh well…..
And then there’s my parents. Wow. Criticism. Pure criticism. On how I raise my son. Jr. Mintz is almost five years old. He can very well put on a cardigan if he feels cold. And if it’s 30 Celsius outside, a short sleeved shirt and shorts is perfectly fine. Oh, and what’s wrong with soccer? People put kids in soccer precisely because it’s “safer” than hockey or football. My son isn’t playing either, save for exposure in multi-sport programs. Hey, it’s not like they’re going to tackle in that case, anyway. And it’s good to learn how to play touch or flag football. And ball hockey. He’s a city kid, so it’s not like street hockey is going to be a thing with neighbourhood kids. I wish my parents put me in those things when I was little. I didn’t even get swimming (thanks, eczema and epilepsy)! I’m trying to make a normal life out of my son. Well, what *I* see as normal, anyway. It’s a bit better now, but it wasn’t always the case.
Then there’s what I do with myself. I recently told my dad I reached my goal of leg pressing my bodyweight. That freaked him out. Thing is, pressing your bodyweight isn’t even that much of a goal. They always suggest to start between half to 75%. So your own weight is still kind of beginner. But then again, he’s not really familiar with gyms, period. He’s a golf kind of guy. And that’s something he wants my son to get involved with. Well, maybe some day. My son hasn’t really shown any interest yet, so maybe in a year or two. Golf season is ending soon anyway. Unless, of course, we decide to get him some experience in an indoor putting range. But still, I feel like both my parents, in fact, are trying to turn my son into what THEY want him to be, not what *HE* wants himself to be. And don’t even get me talking about food/what I feed him. Cultural? Perhaps. And that’s tough.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my parents. There. I said it. Love. It’s hard for a child of Asian immigrants to say that word about family. Really hard. That’s another thing. I don’t stop telling my son how much I love him. And I praise him. Like, today, he tried really hard on his reading app and while he could have done a bit better, he STILL did a good job. I can HEAR the improvements he’s made since we started a couple of weeks ago. He’s been able to read for a good part of the year now, but his pronunciation is still off. It’s a bit of the Hong Kong accent he’s picked up from my parents and also a bit of, well, being almost five. But it’s still better than, say, two months ago. I’m still trying to find a good public speaking or theatre program for him, maybe for next summer. His fall schedule is pretty packed with sports and music. He’s also doing an after school STEM activity. Should be fun, since it’s also pretty creative and hands-on. My parents think he’s taking on a bit too much. Well, we’ll see. I think he’s going to be fine.
I’ve ranted enough already. Probably time for me to save more for another day. Any readers have similar issues? I’d love to hear about that!