I was a diehard Simpsons fan throughout the 90s. One of my favorite episodes revolved around Simpson neighbor and inveterate do-gooder Ned Flanders. In a flashback to Ned’s childhood, his beatnik parents bring him to a shrink to deal with his anger issues. The doctor suggests Ned’s anger is the result of not having any rules, to which Ned’s dad, Nedward Flanders Sr., replied that he and his wife “don't believe in rules…[and] gave them up when we started living like freaky beatniks.” In frustration, Nedward cries, “You've gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothing, and we're all out of ideas.”
Many of us are frustrated by situations in our lives that seem impervious to change. What’s often missed is our unchanging behavior around these situations. We do the same things and expect situations to change. But it’s like Henry Ford said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” If a situation’s inputs are the same, it’s likely the outcomes will be the same as well.
I currently have several, frustrating, seemingly change-resistant situations in my life. I also have a number of habits that directly or indirectly prevent these situations from changing. Several of these habits might be labeled positive, like running and writing. Other habits, like YouTube binging, are harder to rationalize as healthy. But most habits, even ostensibly positive ones, can have negative net-effects when they prevent us from being present with what’s happening in our lives. Many of us will workout like beasts, go to yoga, cook countless nutritious meals, and do good deeds rather than deal with frustrating, uncomfortable situations.
It’s easy to assume direct engagement is the most efficient path to resolving frustrating situations, but I don’t know if this is the case. Oftentimes, disrupting habits —even healthy habits, even habits that seem to have nothing to do with the situation we want to change —is the most direct path to resolution. Change inputs, change outcomes.
In keeping with the above, I attended The National Western Stock Show on Saturday and a Five Rhythms ecstatic dance session on Sunday. The vibe of these settings and their respective audiences could hardly be more different. What they had in common was that they were both fairly far outside my daily, habit-strewn regimen of running, writing, farming, etc. It’s a bit soon to say if this little deviation from habit will affect change around my frustrating situations, but at a minimum, I’ve given myself evidence that I can change and do things differently, and that seems like a good start.
Song of the day: