Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now.
—Crosby, Stills, & Nash, from “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes”
Since I started my 90 day writing challenge last week, I’ve posted about past TV appearances, a past New York Times’ feature (there’s another I’ve yet to share), past running prowess, and other cool stuff I did —you guessed it —in the past. These posts may waft of nostalgia, though labeling them as such is not completely accurate. I don’t want to go back and relive these events, nor do I view them as entirely positive. But saying I am proud is closer to the truth. I’ve done cool stuff , some of which was recognized by others, and this built my identity, i.e. how I see myself to myself and others. I view my identity as a composite of these experiences, and I am proud of that identity.
It’s odd how often pride is regarded as a positive trait. The Christians consider it a deadly sin and traditions like Buddhism, which calls it self-grasping, are similarly anti-pride. Pride is what defines who we are, based on borrowed ideas and past experiences. Pride defines who we are not, erecting boundaries for what we can become based on what we’ve done or not done. Pride makes people believe they are superior to others and dominate them. Pride prevents us from asking for help and moving from bad situations. Pride says we can’t do that because we are this.
Far more ideal than pride is humility, which is a posture of understanding the limitations of one’s knowledge and experiences and being receptive to the unknown.
All of this is to say I am not proud of the pride I have about my past accomplishments, or the fixed coordinates they impose on my identity. Pride mostly acts as dissonance between who I was and what I had with who I am and what I have. It says something is wrong because I’m not as popular, liked, rich, attractive, or fit as I once was. Per CSN, pride in my past reminds me of what I’m not now. Free of pride and the limitations it imposes, I could theoretically deal and be content with what’s happening right now. ‘
In whatever state we may find ourselves, whether in strength or in weakness, in joy or in sorrow, to whatever we may feel attached, we must renounce it.
—Meister Eckhart, from his sermon on Luke 1:57
I found this Meister Eckhart quote this morning in Franciscan priest Richard Rohr’s newsletter. The newsletter, entitled “Don’t Make Much of It,” speaks to the necessity of letting go —of strength and weakness, pleasure and pain, gain and loss, merit and disgrace. Much like the Buddhist concept of impermanence, the newsletter explains how letting go is the only safeguard from reality’s constant churn of change. Whether it’s the weather, possessions, capabilities, the esteem of others, or whatever, the only thing that’s certain is things will change, and affixing one’s identity and happiness on the constancy of these things is a setup for misery.
Very thoughtful! Your 90 day challenge is going well.