Last weekend my husband and I spent three days with our very dear friends. They moved away from the Midwest in 2019 and we hadn’t had a chance (time and money) to make it down to visit them other than for their wedding in the fall of 2019. Then as we all know, the pandemic hit and time has felt different since then. The last four years seem simultaneously long and lost; full of personal growth and sameness all wrapped into a small bit of time. In the summer my husband and I made a commitment to travel more in the upcoming year, and this trip to see our friends was our first flight since COVID.
Prior to their move, we spent lots of time together, the four of us, drinking beer at breweries, playing board games, talking and laughing, and cooking together. Our only goal for the time we were with them was to spend lots of time together like we used to, and get a glimpse into their lives. We didn’t have a packed itinerary and moved at a pace that felt natural to us all. There were a few hours spent in the car driving through the mountains, walks around the university nearby, episodes of a reality show (RHOSLC), and a game of Gin Rummy. Throughout the whole weekend, we were talking about things big and small in our lives, connecting over our shared interests and experiences, and easily flowing in and out of conversation about the heavy things happening in the world. It all felt so natural and like no time had passed.
The ease and comfort we had around each other is something that is so meaningful to me, and comes from trust, deep conversation, and shared values. What also came was side-splitting laughter, chuckles, and giggles which were almost constant throughout our waking hours. I don’t think that that deep, gratifying joy would have come so often or with such intensity if not for the deeper, vulnerable conversations. Without that intimacy, openness, and tenderness, we would not have been able to laugh so hard together. This sort of relationship is one that is life-giving and soul-filling in a way that’s difficult to describe. I could be my full self, and feel so rejuvenated emotionally that I pretty much completely ignored my normal sleep routine, throwing my bedtime to the wind as we talked into the night, hesitant to put an end to the day by going to sleep.
Types of Rest
There are different types of rest that we need. There’s physical rest which includes sleep, lying down, and gentle movement, and mental rest which can be meditation, taking breaks, and doing a hobby that lets your mind wander. There is emotional rest that lets you feel and express emotions, and spiritual rest for when you find meaning or purpose beyond your daily routine. Social rest occurs when you surround yourself with positive and supportive people (while distancing yourself from relationships that drain you), and creative rest happens when you are engaging with the beauty of the world through art or nature. Sensory rest is when you reduce sensory input through reducing light, noise, and screens. We need all of these in order to feel at peace.
As a teacher, I need a lot of sensory, physical, and emotional rest at the end of a workday. After caring for little people all day long, I would like very much to lie down in a dark room with almost no stimulation. My phone goes into Do Not Disturb at 6 p.m., a laughably early time, and lasts until 6 a.m. I can’t deal with my phone lighting up or making noise, or anything being asked of me for 12 hours a day because during the other 12 hours, the demands are almost constant. This is extremely draining day after day, and the other kinds of rest do not come as easy because they often take some intentional time.
I have to make time for creativity and connecting with my friends, and I often have to push myself to do it when the moment for crafting and hang outs comes up. But the most precious, most important kind of rest to me are the two that are the hardest to make time for - social and creative rest. For me, creativity is being outside, but it’s also crocheting while talking to my buds and cooking a meal. I crave the freedom of time to open a pantry and see what I can whip up with the ingredients on hand, with a few cookbook recipes as a reference. I love to bask in the process of a meal that takes an afternoon, and pour over getting the presentation and garnishes just right. That is one of the ways I flex my creativity, and I find it peaceful to do in the midst of my friends.
Making time (ideally 72 uninterrupted hours) to spend with people is one of the most cherished priorities in my life. It means so much to have someone commit to spending that kind of dedicated time together. It’s intimate and generous, and in a world where so many people are yearning for vulnerable, meaningful relationships, it’s a true gift. Any amount of time that we can give to each other is special, but the beauty of more than 24 hours is you can move past the catching up, and move into making new memories together alongside freely sharing tidbits about your past, or getting into the nitty gritty of the work gossip that deserves the extra details. Last weekend was just perfect, and made me feel rested in a way that a Thursday night happy hour never could.
Cooking As Rest
During our trip, we lingered over several cups of coffee in the mornings paired with bowls of cereal that were stored on top of their fridge - maybe one of the most comforting and familiar sights for me in a kitchen. We toasted English muffins in the oven and spread them with various spreads and honey served on blue floral or nostalgic Hercules plates. We ate at the fast food chain Cookout, and a top notch dinner at a Belgian-inspired restaurant where I got a pot of mussels so big I could not possibly have finished all of them. We ate fried chicken with sides, and shared appetizers at a pub.
Our final night, we all cooked together while listening to Sara Bareilles’ first album, floating in and around each other like we cooked together regularly as a team of four. I was on veggie cutting duty along with one other person. Someone else was in charge of searing the chicken thighs, and the fourth person was on drink refill duty while ensuring we got a few photos captured of our night. We made Maqluba, a Palestinian chicken and rice dish that you cook in one pot and then flip upside down to serve. It was so delicious with warm spices (7-spice to be exact), soft vegetables, and tender chicken, topped with yogurt and toasted almonds. It felt like the perfect way to end the weekend together, with all of us playing an important role in the preparation and cleaning after the meal. There was somehow no frustration that arose in the process of cooking or eating together, and it just solidified how important these friends are in my life. We have grown and changed in similar ways, and have history to anchor and hold us between the time we get to be together.
Our time together was a reminder of why I love our friends so much. I felt more at peace in myself and I felt very loved. I left well-fed and happy, stomach still aching a little from all the laughter.
I’ve had other weekends like this throughout my adulthood with other beloved friends, and I plan to have them until the end of my days. They are the ones that lift my spirit, that ground me, that make me feel supported, and energized, and loved. This year especially, I want to be the friend who easily commits to that long weekend away, or who says an emphatic ‘yes’ to planning a staycation with those I love with a menu made for lazy mornings and days spent in the kitchen. I want to wander around a small town eating candy out of a shared brown paper bag, buying trinkets, browsing a bookstore, and setting off a display in a toy store. I want to play a game of cards with bubble water and tea, while listening to someone’s curated playlist. Most of all, I want to just spend time with the people I love.
I hope that you can find time to get the kind of rest you need, and might I suggest a three-day trip spent with some of your favorite people.
Things I Like
🛏️ Bed rotting (i.e. laying in bed for far too long for joy purposes)
🧶 Crocheting while traveling - I finished a hat and then I had a new accessory to wear once we landed back home in chilly MN! I’m excited to plan what I’ll make for our big trip later this spring!
🛋️ Spending time at the homes of my loved ones eating and chatting, with some casual phone scrolling and favorite episodes playing in the background. It’s my favorite way to spend time with my friends and family.
May your week be gentle and may you eat well. 🌲🥣