“Is love misplaced love at all?”
Last week I posed the question above within a 100-word monologue titled “I Loved You,” written for my fiction Substack Narrowtives. And though it is truly fiction or “creative writing,” all writers know we leave remnants of ourselves behind with every sentence we compose. So let me answer the question: “Is love misplaced love at all?” Undoubtedly, yes.
Most of us know all too well the reality of an affection or devotion (love) that lives unreciprocated. Devotion can limp independently of any acknowledgement. Sometimes even growing stronger in spite of neglect. So let us not confuse reciprocation for validation. The sting of unrequited love is painful enough to validate its own existence.
I will not dwell on my past heartbreak because 1) I did that a long time ago and 2) I am grateful for having gone through it. As a gardener prunes his prized shrubs, so too have I been pruned, only to return to a state of flourishing. That’s a very dramatic way of saying that any prior relationship than the one with my wife only prepared me to be a better husband for her. Praise be to God for that.
And although I no longer feel the pain of these missteps, their ghosts reside somewhere within. Subtly appearing every so often to remind me that I could not be *me now without *them. Such was the case in writing “I Loved You.” The prompt of “An empty stage” by
immediately spurred to my mind a man given the opportunity to acknowledge a painful truth, if only to himself; “Time still carries its loss.” The monologue was my way of acknowledging the existence of those memories and to remind myself that it’s okay to feel the weight of your past so long as it does not damper your present.Not only does writing (for me) have a way of unveiling these hidden truths, but the process also brings to light why certain songs linger with me more than others1. This time around, the ideas around “I Loved You” resurfaced my love for the song “Could Have Been” by May Erlewine from her album Tiny Beautiful Things.
Last year, at the nudging of Spotify’s algorithm, I dove headfirst into Erlewine’s catalog. I was immediately captivated by her simplicity. In an age of rampant overproduction, May Erlewine stands firm in the time-tested approach of well written lyrics paired with palatable melodies. And while all of her songs are worthy of your attention, only “Could Have Been” has had the ability to completely stop me in my tracks upon the first hearing.
One thing to know about me; I’m a sucker for a slow 3/4 time signature. It may be my personal favorite to play on the drums because it allows for an incredible amount of dynamic from any accompanying instrument. This particular song picks up the 3/4 pattern right where “Gravity” by John Mayer leaves off but has more of a subdued/coffee shop feel. The piano and acoustic guitar create a sort of mist, blanketing the tune in an air of comfort. But the peace is quickly rattled by the tension of change in the first verse.
There in the sunrise I saw you change your mind And it cast a different light on me
Whether it’s a love turned cold or the moment when unrequited love is confirmed, there are few better descriptions of how that moment is felt. A ray of hope is cast in shadow. And then, just two verses later, comes the harsh truth; “I should know better2.”
And I guess it's when you stay You get to know the way it looks when they walk away You get to know the way it feels And I should know better by now
Personally speaking, one of the most embarrassing (and therefore dreadful) aspects of getting over an unrequited love is the reality that most of the hardship could have been avoided had I been willing to “read the room.” While there was an element of being led on in my situation, hindsight showed me clear as day, had I just been honest with myself, a little crush could have stayed just that.
The song ends with the usual lament of a misplaced love; the thought of what “could have been.” It’s the cry of the dreamer who sees nothing but potential wasted. It’s the thought that the world could have been more beautiful and just if only…
What we could have been, what we could have been How could you give up so easily? What we could have been, what we could have been Now it's only a broken dream Now it's only a broken dream
Though the final lyrics are obviously solemn, the notion of a “broken dream” actually provides a bit of hope. Indeed, the misplaced love was only a dream and not meant for us to dwell in forever. While dreams can be beautiful and vivid, they are not reality. They are messages from our subconscious, helping our thoughts work out their deaths so we don’t have to3.
So take heart. Name your pain. Think about what “could have been,” and take your first steps out of your broken dream. Your future is full of real love and all the tiny beautiful things.
Perhaps this is more of a tease than anything but I’ve mentioned in Notes before that I am playing with songwriting again. I have been a bit inspired to write a song using this hook “I should know better by now” and the melody sung at 1:24 in the song as the chorus to a new song. Will this ever come to fruition? Time will tell…
This is not my original thought or idea. I can’t find the correct person to attribute an actual quote to but the paraphrase is something like “thinking allows our bad ideas to die so that we don’t have to.”