Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Few things are more frustrating than having a conversation with a fellow English-speaker only to realize the two of you are not actually speaking the same language. It is even more frustrating when the topic at hand is something as foundational as love.
I am (at the time of publishing) a member of the United Methodist Church (UMC). If you are unawares, the denomination is currently undergoing tremendous upheaval and hundreds of churches are opting to disaffiliate. While I believe there are deeper issues at work, the major symptom being discussed of the denomination’s sickness surrounds same-sex marriages and the ordination of gay/lesbian clergy and bishops.
The situation has many plots and subplots but in summary: the UMC, as stated in its Book of Discipline (BOD), officially holds a traditional view of marriage as being between a man and woman. The denomination also states in the BOD that the practice of homosexuality is not compatible with Christian teaching and self-avowed homosexuals are not to be ordained for ministry or appointed to serve the church. However, the UMC is not practicing what it preaches, and actually preaches against what it is supposed to practice in some cases. In recent years, UMC pastors across the country have decided to disregard the BOD that was agreed upon and have opted to perform same-sex weddings without most being held accountable. And at this point, I believe the denomination has two (maybe three) openly-gay married bishops. All indications are that by 2024, the denomination will officially change the language within its BOD to allow for the marriage and ordination of all persons no matter their sexual orientation. Only time will tell.
Let's be clear from the onset here: I am a Christian. I hold to the orthodox Christian belief that sex outside of biblical marriage, as being between one man and one woman, is a sin1. Not because sex is bad. Sex is good and is a gift from God. But sex outside of its proper order is used purely for the gratification of desire and is not inline with its purpose. Sex is meant to join man and woman in one flesh and is intended to be a living symbol of the unification of Christ (the bridegroom) and the Church (the bride). Sex within marriage is also part of what God is instructing humans to do when he tells them to “be fruitful and multiply.” God is so loving that he literally invites us to partake in the act of creation. Praise be to God.
Anyway, this tense situation within the UMC has led to many conversations with my pastor, family, friends and fellow church members to better understand what’s going on. I’ve also tried to better understand “the other side” and try to see how a practicing homosexual might justify living that lifestyle while still expecting the church to affirm their decisions. It was in these conversations and my online reading that something really started to bother me. But what was it? The title of this essay might give it away, but after chewing on it for a bit I noticed I started to wince each time I came across the phrase “love is love.” Eventually it became clear to me my frustration is stemming from the fundamental difference on how the word love is used and understood by those at odds over these issues.
From this point forward I will address love as it is used by conservative vs progressive Christians2.
Almost every time I see or hear "love is love" from a 'progressive Christian' it’s being used as justification for sin. It's a way to say 'we know what we're doing is against the basic understanding of the faith, but we don't care. And the [C]hurch better get on board or we'll make sure to take it out with the other bigots.’ Love as presented this way is nothing more than a feeling, or worse, it’s the approval of lust. Love in this sense is selfish. Love as feeling in this situation is literally elevated and paraded to boast about how pure and honest it is. Love in this sense is demanding to be affirmed and celebrated; or else…
And why not? In the West, we live in a world where the culture at-large has been raised to seek the fulfillment of all of its desires. As a child of the 90s I’ve heard messages of “follow your passion” my entire life. “Find whatever makes you happy.” “Do what you love.” “Do what feels right.” I’ve even heard churches propagate these dreadful ideas. And when these ideas surround you it’s completely understandable to see how one could come to understand love as little more than who you’re sexually attracted to or who gives you the warm and fuzzies for the time being. It’s why marriage rates are dropping and why 40-50 percent of those who dare to marry eventually get divorced. Because when love is based on nothing but your fleeting and ever-changing feelings, why would you dedicate yourself to anyone? And why should you be expected to remain bound to any individual when the foundation of your love is as solid and murky as the marshlands.
But the problems are not just coming from outside the church but also from within. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard sermons of “love everyone,” “welcome the rejected,” or “share God’s joy with the outcast.” While these are acceptable ideas on the surface, the messages woven into the sermons almost always boil down to ‘be nice and tolerant,’ or ‘we’re all broken sinners, so we should just accept everyone and not make a big deal about our sins.’
An attempt at speaking truth in love: When your mission as a church or denomination becomes to cause no offense the only place you’ll lead your sheep is to the mouth of the wolf’s den.
Prominent pastor J.D. Greear paints this picture in a recent article:
Some fear we’ll lose the next generation unless we make sexuality a nonissue. Maybe instead we should fear we’ve already lost the generation sitting in our churches who know nothing of denying self and taking up the cross. How terrible it would be to keep our churches full, only to have revealed on that final day that our congregation members are the ones to whom Jesus says, “I never knew you; depart from me” (Matt. 7:23).
J.D. Greear
As "conservative Christians", how are we to rebuke the milquetoast3 slogan of “love is love” in a way that is actually loving? What can we find in God's word and in the life of Christ that shows us what love truly is, and how might we portray true love for our fellow image-made humans struggling with this sin?
It’s simply impossible to expound upon every instance of true love shown in scripture or in the life of Christ, but I’ll address a few that come to mind when I’ve thought on this topic.
What better place to start than the beginning? Other than creating the entire cosmos for us to partake in, a clear demonstration of God’s love for humans can be seen in the excommunication from Eden. I’ve heard well-meaning Christians say things like “where was forgiveness in the garden? How could God send humans from his presence just because they made a mistake?” As I understand it, excommunication is not purely punishment for doing something bad. It’s more nuanced than that. With the acceptance of the fruit from the serpent, Adam and Eve are now infected by sin. This is to say, they are no longer the pure unadulterated beings as they were created by God. The infection of sin creates a separation from the pure and uncreated being of God. As they are no longer holy as God is holy, they simply cannot live in His presence. God’s casting them out from himself is to save them from death by holiness4. Sending his creation away from himself is not an outright rejection of the beings but an act of mercy for the children he loves.
Along with casting Adam and Eve from the garden, let us also remember God cuts off access to the tree of life. As humans are now diseased with sin, preventing access to the tree of life assures the beings God loves above others won’t have to live in an endless state of sin. And on top of that, God is gracious enough to clothe us before casting us out, offering a layer of protection from the tension and danger which now exists between his children and the rest of his creation.
Love as demonstrated in the casting out of the garden is mercy. Love as excommunication is literally the repelling of sin. It’s not sweeping sin under the rug or denying anything ever happened. God does not make an exception or take any excuse. The issue is confronted head-on and dealt with. Yes, those who sin must deal with the consequences of their actions, but God loves them in a way that allows them to turn around and do their best to sin no more.
While there is no shortage of love in the Old Testament, we’ll skip ahead to the New Testament for the sake of brevity.
If we are to act out love as Christians, what instructions does Christ himself have for us as we try to love our neighbors as ourselves?
In John 14:15 Christ says “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Just a few verses later at John 15:12-17 he gives us the commandments.
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.
Aside from instructions, how does God actually demonstrate his love for us in the New Testament? Firstly, by emptying himself, taking the form of a servant in Christ; being born in the likeness of men in order that man would be reconciled to God. This is love as humility.
Once fully God and fully man, Christ acts to obey and honor his Father. Christ is baptized by John so that his Father’s righteousness be fulfilled. After cleansing the waters of baptism, Christ honors his Father by keeping his commands. He tells Satan, "worship the Lord your God, and serve him only5. This is love as obedience.
To the woman being condemned by her peers6, yes Christ offered compassion. But he didn’t stop at compassion. He tells her “…go., and from now on sin no more.” What Christ does not say here is ‘you are acceptable just the way you are.’ No, Christ orders her to change her life that she may live. This is love as a call to repentance.
Ultimately, Christ demonstrated the purest act of love as dying. Let’s allow scripture to speak for itself:
Christ died for all so that those who live would not continue to live for themselves. He died for them and was raised from death so that they would live for him.
2 Corinthians 5:15
So given what Christ demonstrates, how did the early Church address issues of sexual immorality? And, how are we told to confront those we know to be living an unrepentant lifestyle?
“Love is love” flies in the face of repentance. The statement is essentially the same as saying “I have the right to do whatever I want” Oddly enough, St. Paul has a direct rebuttal to this line of thinking in his first letter to the Corinthians. After literally saying “men who practice homosexuality” will not inherit the kingdom of God,7 St. Paul addresses the hubris of the church he's wrestling with.
“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. “Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined[d] to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin[e] a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
Here’s the really tricky part. How do we lovingly call out the sins of our brothers and sisters without condemnation?
I certainly don't have all the answers and I have no plan on how to minister to the LGBTQ people who find themselves inside or outside the church. But if we're going to make any progress, first the issues must be addressed. We can’t work through issues if we don’t even admit we have them. Scripture addresses this as well. To the Galatians Paul says, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.” To work for each other’s restoration we must bear one another’s burden. We must feel some pain when we see others doing things we know to be leading them astray. To work for true restoration and true healing, St. James tells us, we must confess to each other and pray for each other.8
I’ll add a bit to this. Should we Christians ever encounter the clamoring cymbal who stands on street corners (or pulpit) calling all short-haired women lesbians and proclaiming all gay people will burn in hell, we must speak against this as well. No excuses. I would advise not to try to shut the mouth of the one spewing hate, because if they’re in this position they’re likely past the point of respectful dialogue. Pray that the Holy Spirit would work in them to bring them peace. But instead of the speaker, identify someone nearby who seems hurt by what is being said and do your best to offer them the true word of God. The word of God which tells them there is indeed room for them in God’s house of many mansions. Tell them no matter what they’ve heard, nothing can separate them from the love of Christ so long as they are willing to love Christ in return. Loving him enough to die of themselves and taking up their cross for the sake of Christ.
The best thing we can do at minimum is to tell the truth. We have to be honest about what we’re told. We can only tell the truth as it’s been given to us. To do otherwise is to be a stumbling block to God and woe to him who seeks to get in God’s way.
Christ is the unblemished lamb of God who offered himself as sacrifice, that we may be absolved of sin. Because Christ took on sin and defeated death itself, we are now capable of standing before God in righteousness. But to love Christ is a choice to do his will, not a compulsion. Love is voluntary. To love is to make the effort to be holy as our Father is holy. To love is to offer correction to our brothers and sisters in Christ and to pray for them as they try to live the best lives possible. We may not all have the same struggles or deal with the same temptations but we can all pray for each other. Bearing each other’s burdens is not the same as denying burdens exist. Laying down ourselves for each other is to do whatever possible to make sure our brothers and sisters know that, while they’re still breathing, they have a way out of sin and death.
May we seek to love each other as Christ first loved us.
Love is not love. Christ is love.
I am not afraid that the people called Methodists should ever cease to exist either in Europe or America. But I am afraid lest they should only exist as a dead sect, having the form of religion without the power. And this undoubtedly will be the case unless they hold fast both the doctrine, spirit, and discipline with which they first set out. - John Wesley
Yes, the practice of homosexuality is a sin. Just as overeating is a sin. Just as lying is a sin, etc. This is not to elevate one sin over another but to call a spade a spade. It hurts everyone to pretend Christians don’t believe what Christians have always believed.
I thoroughly hate the distinction of “conservative Christian” or “progressive Christian” but it’s what’s being used and I don’t have better terms for this phenomenon myself. I find the categories just another example of the degradation of our institutions caused by the American tendency to see everything as a political problem. But that’s for another essay I suppose.
I would like to propose a toast to learning while writing. Before this post I’ve only ever spoken the word milquetoast. I don’t recall ever actually reading it either. So, in writing this post I learned it is spelled milquetoast and is not actually milk toast or milktoast. Cheers to learning!
I first encountered the death by holiness idea on the Lord of Spirits podcast. Again y’all, I cannot recommend that podcast enough.
Wow ... Wish I could multiply the like button. Very necessary and deep discussion of this current battle for the soul of the church (individually and collectively).
FINALLY getting around to this. Derek you've hit on something big in this article and I laud you for having the honesty to recognize it, grapple with it, and share your thoughts publicly.
First: What struck me about this issue when I first heard about it was that it was *voted on*. Shouldn't there be a truth? What if the vote was held 100 years ago? What if the vote is held 100 years from now? Wouldn't the vote be different? What about *today* makes *todays people* qualified to establish doctrines of the church? I sense you're intuitively aware that that is an issue, but you haven't expressed that in an article. What is truth if it can be overwritten by a majority vote?
Second: What does love even mean? In the Catholic ideation (I don't know how Methodists think about this so forgive me if this is a tangent), love is willing the good of another. That kind of love is completely distinct from sexual gratification--so it's very confusing where this whole LGBTQ issue got off the ground. Willing the good of another involves willing the highest good, which is that they go to heaven, conform their lives to God, etc. If yesterday that meant homosexual acts were sins, then wouldn't that remain the same today and into the future? What changed, really?
Again, from the Catholic POV, Sex has three elements: Loving, Uniting, Life Giving. It is loving in that it wills the good of another. It is uniting in that it unites a man and a woman on their marriage bed. It is life giving in that it is fully open to the flourishing of life. If you will the good of another, you dont want them to sin. If you aren't married, you can't be united. If sex is incapable of producing life, it isn't loving or uniting. Nowhere in here is "expression of love for your partner" involved. Sex is a *serious thing*, it is a final act--well the opposite, it is an act of creation. If Murder is serious, so must be Creation.
In this Catholic POV, this makes other kinds of sexual sins, sins as well. There is nothing unique about homosexual people--it is their acts that are sins. Sins are things people do, not people unto themselves. So homosexual acts, solo-sexual acts, contraception, etc, these are all *the same kinds of sin* where a person or people put their own gratification above the love, unity, and openness to life that makes a healthy sexual relationship.
And because all of this is anchored in something *fundamental about the universe* it cannot change. People will make noise in the Catholic Church about this every now and again but my belief is that the Holy Spirit prevents the Church from ever truly teaching error, even if people practice poorly or allow error on the margins, it will never be adopted into the doctrines of the Church.
Again--I don't know how Methodists think about all this so I would love to hear your thoughts.
The question seems to be: Do we hold to truth, even if it is hard? Or do we compromise on truth in order to try to fill the pews?
Why is *this issue* uniquely worth schism in the Methodist Church for? What is the line being drawn? What issue will be voted on next?
Anyway--just some food for thought more than anything. I hope it at least offers some good reflection, but I would love to hear your thoughts if any. I've been promising to post this comment for a long time and only just got around to it, so take your time in responding! I know i've thrown a lot out there.
God bless you, Derek! Thank you for posting this article!