Hello Friends,
Today I’m thinking that the world would be a more healthy, peaceful and compassionate place if we were better as a species, at lowering our anxiety. I don’t mean just as individuals, but collectively as communities, governments, organisations, cultures. Anxiety dictates much of how the world we live in operates, and that’s unfortunate because anxiety is not a benevolent ruler of our heads, hearts, or behaviour.
Sure, some level of anxiety is normal, prudent, adaptive, but it goes wrong for us when it has us behaving in ways that steal joy or worse, cause us to wreak damages on ourselves or each other.
Substance abuse often begins with a desire to numb out anxiety, with anxiety to fit in with what others are doing, or with an intense anxiety to escape pain or trauma.
Much anger and violence is anxiety-driven - manifesting as striking out aggressively or defensively physically or verbally, while actually feeling terrified and vulnerable inside. Working with couples in therapy, I’ve often found that anxiety about being rejected or judged as unlovable by the other, is at the basis of all sorts of damaging and hurtful interactions.
How often when I’m superficially irritable in an interaction, am I actually feeling a bit stressed and anxious about something inside? I’d say most of the time. Can you relate?
So much suffering, pain, violence, and some mental illness has a basis in the all too common human anxiety that we are not good enough, not loveable, not accepted, never safe enough, never enough something.
In the macro, stock markets, business and economies feed on anxieties about not having enough, needing more, keeping up, winning, growing faster.
The pervasive beast that is advertising is all about creating anxiety in people that they need the thneed (Dr Seuss’ symbol for that magical consumer item we are convinced we need, regardless of its cost to the environment or relationships.) Need we get started on the anxiety generated by the beauty industry, anti-ageing, fitness or fashion industries?
How much anxiety-based spending is generated by platforms left, right and centre bombarding us about body image, lifestyle, culture - how we should look, age, live, eat, think?
Add to all this, the non-stop 24 hour news cycle that can become an addictive rabbit-hole. Too much news isn’t great for cultivating a sense of calm or confidence in humanity.
We live amongst so many anxiety generating ‘machines’ that it isn’t necessary to ask why anxiety is endemic in most cultures. Why wouldn’t it be?
But what do we do?
Of course there’s no simple answer. It all just starts with a pause. The most powerful and accessible thing we can do to push back against anxiety and its effects, is to insist on pauses:
Stop to just breathe, even for 3 seconds, take a moment to reflect, connect to the real-ness of animals and plants, tune into your senses closely, notice everything around you, feel your feet on grass or soil, then move your body in a way that feels good.
If we remember to take a pause and reconnect to simple things often, we have a chance at tackling the deeper issues with clarity and emotional intelligence. That initial pause creates a space, however tiny, to make a better choice, rather than react from a maladaptive or damaging default-setting based in anxiety.
Awareness of the pressures of the world we live in, allows us to cultivate peace, compassion and ease, as much as possible in our relationships and interactions. Our best way to manage anxiety is to acknowledge it, consciously work with it as a part of life, rather than letting it drive us unwittingly, feeling like a victim.
We can’t remove all anxiety from our lives, but we can moderate it. Start small.
A simple anxiety management acronym to recall when you feel overwhelmed: S.T.O.P
Slow your breathing
Take some slower, deep breaths and be still a moment. It will help your nervous system to return to a calmer state.
Take notice
Take note of everything around you, to anchor you in the present place and present moment - right here, right now. There is nothing else. Name the objects you see, feel the ground beneath you, hear the sounds around you.
Open up
Open up to your thoughts and feelings: take a step back mentally and let them roll, without jumping into them or trying to push them away. See them for what they are and let them pass by, rather than fusing with them. You are more than just your thoughts and feelings in any given moment.
Pursue your values
Once you’ve done the above steps, you will be in a more mindful, aware state of mind and being, where you can make clearer, more emotionally intelligent choices. The kinds of things you want to focus on next to help yourself feel less anxious are things that make you feel strong and/or things that give you enjoyment.
Things to Consider
1. Would you benefit from help/assistance/support/advice? If so, what friends, neighbours, or relatives can you contact? What professionals could you arrange to see?
2. Is the anything you can do to improve your situation in any way and lessen anxiety? Are there any TINY steps you could take immediately that could be helpful? What are the smallest, simplest, easiest, tiny steps you could take:
a) In the next few minutes
b) In the next few hours
c) In the next few days
3. Be compassionate to yourself. Ask yourself,
‘If someone I loved was going through this experience, feeling this anxiety - if I wanted to be kind and helpful to them, how would I treat them? What might I say or do?
Treat yourself the same way.
Theme song for this piece - this mixed up video of two live performances of Under Pressure remains a great watch and listen.
So much love to you. Remember to breathe.
.
What kindly person you are Ms Campbell. On a global level, and at a local level, I believe Social Media has created more problems than it has done anything else. Too many people having too many opinions and not caring about facts but insisting on being heard. It enables the world to move at such fast pace, which does not suit the slow plodding human brain. So rashness and impulsiveness seems to be at the top. What I like about your post is that it suggests thinking globally and acting locally. What each of us does for peace and kindness is akin to the power of a butterflies wings flapping to create a tornado, or something like that. Be well xx
Great advice Deb. Thank you.