White lives matter / Taiwanese Temblor / Swim the Chicago River
<<Upbeat accordion music playing>>
The fuckery continues, folks.
Donald J. Trump and his slimy, stank-ass minions are no longer crowing that all lives matter (that’s sooo 2020); now it’s just white lives matter. That’s the plan should Trump win in November: Make White Lives Great Again.
Goebbels 2.0 aka Stephen Miller, the ghoul White supremacist (who happens to be Jewish, btw) is planning to eliminate all DEI efforts put forth by the Biden administration because, gosh, White folks have had it so hard these last 300 or so years in the New World … what with all of their invading, raping, enslaving, murdering, pillaging, and making gazillions of dollars, that they do need a break, a chance to pull themselves up by the bootstraps of others to get a piece of the pie.
I can’t even with this orange piece of monkey shit that’s festooned with tapeworms, Ebola and partially digested hamberders. If you don’t believe me, google Project 2025. If you’re of that ‘Nah, that won’t happen, you silly, silly woman,’ then get bent. It’s deja vu all over again. It IS all happening—AGAIN.
What’s the old adage? When they show you who they are the first time, fucking believe them. No more of this namby pamby ‘good people on both sides’ crap.
A big ass earthquake has struck Taiwan. It’s the biggest temblor—7.4 on the Richter Scale—to strike the region in 25 years, killing nine (so far) and injuring hundreds. Tsunami warnings by Taiwan AND Japan have been issued, and residents are urged to get the fuck out.
Hey! If you’ve ever wanted to swim in an open sewer, then you’ll get your chance in September! What’s even better is, IT’S FOR CHARITY!
No, not your very own charity, but you’ll mos def need one to deal with the myriad of diseases you can get from swimming in an open sewer—nasties like Hep A, E-Coli-induced diarrhea, Leptospirosis, and MRSA, to name a few.
Where, oh, where is this happening? Why, the Chicago River! Wait..hold up…THE Chicago River? The river that city engineers back in the day said, ‘Ya know what? There’s too much shit and piss flowing past the denizens of our great city. We gotta make it less gross. Hmm..what ever shall we do? Hmm. OH, HERE’S AN IDEA: LET’S REVERSE THE FLOW so the dirty shit water flows to the mighty Mississippi River instead! Mmkay? MMKAY!’ Then, they all did a pinky-swear, and the rest is history.
’Tis the same river that, when it rains too damn much, still gets shit dumped into when the locks are overflowing with … you got it.. shit.
Sooo ... now the folks who run an ALS charity want to fundraise using the river as bait. Look, I am all for fundraisers, and this particular charity is amazing, but.. but but the Chicago River?
Yes, yes, I’m well aware that the Chicago River is a fuckton cleaner than it was back in the day, but it’s still a river in the middle of a big city.
The good news is, if you want to participate, you need to have previous open-water swimming experience—not the type of pretend experience we see from Napervillans and Schaumburgians who jump in the river after it has been dyed green with the help of copious amounts of green beer and stupidity. You need actual open-water swimming experience—as one does get from competing in triathlons.
It probably wouldn’t hurt to slather yourself in a couple of vats of Vaseline before jumping in. Oh, and make sure your vaccines are up to date—particularly tetanus and the Heps.
I’m old enough to remember when Lake Michigan shoreline and the Chicago River were posted with warnings about fecal greaseballs. I can’t imagine voluntarily getting into the River.