He said NO.
An essay about the inherent power of saying no and how it became the accelerator for our art business and life as independent artists.
“No”, said Charles.
What?! How can you say no to such an incredible opportunity?, I asked.
“I don’t think it’s a good opportunity”.
I was stunned.
How could he not think that to fly over to the States (the whole trip paid!), film a course for a week and then receive a solid 5-figure amount BEFORE royalties was a good idea?
We sat at an ugly transparent plastic table in our rented flat on the south west coast of France. It was February and a chilly wind came from the open balcony door. I stood up in distress. This was OUR opportunity to take the next step with our business and Charles didn’t see it.
Or did he?
Up until that point, we had just been running physical workshops in cafés around Paris. We had quit the city a couple of months prior to dive with our heads first into the world of online business (embroidery art specifically). As our social media profiles kept growing with thousands every week, we had to do something. But what?
In the heat of exploding exposure, we had already been approached several times by big brands. But this time it was different. This wasn’t a brand who wanted free services in exchange for “even more exposure”. This was one of the largest media companies who wanted to put a bet on us. They wanted to pay us real money to come and do something (not just the typical “we pay you in material or products”).
Charles was right
As I returned to my seat at the ugly table, still feeling like I was boiling inside, I flipped my computer back open.
I quickly searched for the financial reports of the company in question.
OOOOH MMMYYYY GOOOOD…
They had a yearly turn over in the billion(s).
It became one of the biggest Aha-moments in business I’ve ever had. If someone wants to pay you for something, it means that they see it as an opportunity to make even more behind your back. And this company was clearly making A LOT behind the back of other artists who had already said yes.
Let’s take the publishing industry as another example now that we’re here on
. A publisher wouldn’t make an advance payment to a writer if they didn’t think they would sell enough copies of the book to cover expenses + ideally make a good profit.There’s nothing bad in that. That’s simply how business works.
The quick research got me thinking about how much the company would potentially make off our course. You see, the catch with many of these deals is that you cannot do anything similar with someone else (or yourself) afterwards. As a result, the more you commit your best work to others, the less you’ll be able to expand on your own right.
Was the one time fee worth the potential long-term earnings that could be generated from a course?
The question became short-term success vs. long-term sustainability.
With butterflies running wild in my stomach, I wrote a quick message requesting a doubling of the advance. Within 3 minutes I had a reply.
They said yes.
That was all I needed to regain confidence in my fiancé’s judgement. He had already been running a fashion photography business for several years in Paris before we met. He clearly knew more about this than me. But pride is a real thing and it felt hard to admit it.
“You’re right”, I said.
“Let’s get to work - we’ll do the courses ourselves”, he said with a big smile. “You’re brilliant in teaching, and I can film and edit. We’ve got this”.
Ps. I break down the numbers and experience in more detail in my book “When will you get a real job”. You can find it here .
We got this
And so, for the following years we built out the Charles and Elin Academy as the home for our online courses in modern hand embroidery.
The choice to keep it “in-house” have given us unlimited autonomy over everything from content, style and packaging to marketing, communication and flexibility.
When our first daughter was born in 2020 and life ultimately took a new turn, the complete independence and to not have to answer to anybody felt like a big warm hug.
Has it been without struggle? H*ll no. (I’ll write more about this in future essays so be sure to subscribe at the end!)
I admit that I sometimes, in the darkness of the middle-of-the-night-feeding, dream about what it would be like to not have to think and decide what to do all the time. To be able to “clock off” and have a break. But every time it hits me how grateful I am that we dared to follow our gut from the start. I wouldn’t want it any other way despite the hardship (here’s my most popular essay about choosing your hard).
To say no became the greatest blessing in disguise and I can with confidence say that it is what has allowed us to live from our art for the past several years.
Instead of the lost opportunity of quick bucks, a short-lived fame and boost of the ego, we gained the opportunity of complete independence and freedom of choice.
To say no is as much an active choice as to say yes. Perhaps even more so, because a yes can easily slip out when we don’t pay attention. Especially for women who have been raised as people-pleasers.
You want me to do this? Sure!
Oh, I need to do that too? No problem!
All while you’re slowly fading away internally.
A no feels like a blocker. And what will other’s think/say? (Fear of judgement… another topic that deserves more attention in future essays!)
We’re so wired to always hunt for new opportunities that we think to say no means a closed opportunity. But the opportunity cost may in fact be higher (which is often the case) whenever we say yes. Especially if the yes brings us further from the road we really want to be on.
As a result, to say no holds a an inherent power. It’s as if saying no becomes a statement that you are in charge. You DARE to take ownership of what choices and opportunities that will serve you best.
Every opportunity is not a great opportunity, and that’s normal.
You’re in charge. I trust you, and encourage you to FOLLOW YOUR GUT whenever you’re faced with a choice of Yes or No regardless of what it may involve.
Thanks for reading!
Elin x,
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments and whether you’ve had moments of NO that have served you well in life. If you enjoyed to read this, please hit the heart ❤️ and share it with your friends.
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As hinted in this essay, there is a great deal of more topics to uncover together.
I need to say “no” more Elin but I’ve only just realised momentum in the “selling” part of my business and since 2008 have relied on funded commissions - mid 2023 I flipped the script and realised more about my self worth than ever! Brilliant piece! Love your work! ✨💖