My 6 Can't Miss Austin Halloween Costumes
Rule all of your parties with these expertly-curated ideas
Look, I realize that I’m a next-level cultural savant. This is hardly news. But I want to take this to the next level here with six Austin-themed Halloween costumes that will make you the envy of every party you hit (if you’re lucky enough to get invited to them).
So sit back and behold this hauntingly magical list full of tricks and treats in equal measure.
Austin Swinger (pictured, above): Whether your name is Ted, Dave, Brian, Gary, Stacy, Amy, Debbie, or Jennifer, this is the perfect costume if you want to temporarily take your staid anniversary/birthday-only sex life to a freaky new level. The cool part is that most of you probably already possess most of the main elements needed for this costume, including playful desperation and a healthy stockpile of Cialis.
Ken Paxton: Whether you’re skull-fucking ethics laws, stealing an expensive pen from a courthouse metal detector line, running the Attorney General’s Office like a personal law firm, facing Impeachment, or sneaking around Texas with your mistress, this versatile costume has it all. Bonus: it will get blind approval from a majority of Republicans no matter what you do.
Austin Tech Bro: As you’re hitting a “Well, actually” about: (1) why Twitter is better under Elon Musk, (2) why Musk isn’t a rudderless, coke-fueled sociopath, (3) why the woman you’re speaking to just doesn’t quite ‘get it,’ or (4) why Tesla and crypto are both saving the world, this ghoulish getup will make certain you’re the person at every party people least want to get cornered by.
Circle C Wine Mom: Even though you have to wait until school drop-off is over to hit the Rose wine in that Yeti thermos, in this costume it’s always 5:00 somewhere. And that somewhere is whatever marginally interesting place you find yourself in, be it Michael’s, Tacodeli, date night at Satellite, or book club. Popular add ons: Labradoodle, happy hour at District, Toyota Highlander, and “Live, Laugh, Love” sign.
Kirk Watson: Most people push work aside, play golf all the time, and pivot to an endless stream of parties and other social events with old friends after they retire, but in this costume, you can do all of those things and also be the Mayor of the 10th largest city in America. Win-win!
The Texas Power Grid: Maybe you show up, maybe you don’t. That’s part of the fun with this rickety yet still highly profitable costume, that many of the most annoying people that you’re friends with on social media will absolutely hate. And, on November 1st, you can take it off and return to normal life, while the real Texas Power Grid has to keep on being its decrepit self. That’s the fun of costumes!
Hope y’all enjoyed! Toss any of yours in the comments.
😘
Perfection. Not sure which is best. Tech bro or Paxton maybe.