Emotional self-control: you either have it or you don't
The good thing is, there are ways to develop emotional self-control to lead a more balanced and fulfilling life
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Emotional self-control is a nice word to say that you need to learn to stop being short-tempered, impatient, or unhinged. Although a dose of impatience is good for others not to do what they want with you.
The problem with this is that one day you can come across someone crazier than you, more short-tempered and impatient, and things can get ugly. But not everything is lost! There is how to master your emotions, develop emotional self-control and have a lighter, happier, and more balanced life.
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Five tips for developing and maintaining emotional self-control
Only those who have short patience know how difficult it is to control this feeling. In other words, a mixture of anger and irritation grows as we lose our discernment, and a spark is enough to explode. But you are not lost if you manage to follow the tips below:
Practice full attention (mindfulness);
Breathe deeply;
Develop a broader perspective;
Practice self-regulation;
Seek support for emotional self-control.
But what the f%$# is this emotional self-control? Getting stressed, the little grasshopper is not going you understand anything. So do like in the movie Bad Boys, move your ears, take a deep breath and let out a uuuuusssaaaaa, gutturally.
Emotional self-control is when you can manage and regulate emotions in times of stress, anxiety, or conflict. Even if the urge is to punch the other in the face and make them understand while swallowing their teeth. For our physical and mental well-being, it's good to have a little control, because otherwise, we won't be able to have any interpersonal or professional relationships.
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Practice full attention (mindfulness)
It's you being 100% focused on the now, whether on the thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations that arise, but without letting them affect you to the point of bursting.
In other words, the practice of mindfulness is paying intentional and focused attention to the experiences of the present moment, with an attitude of curiosity, openness to new experiences, and acceptance of facts. As well as observing bodily sensations, thoughts, emotions, and actions. This will also help to identify which trigger makes you have explosive attitudes.
Only this simple step has the power to help you with your mental and physical health, that is, reducing stress and anxiety. As well as increased emotional resilience and improved general well-being.
Breathe deeply
I bet that at least once in your life you must have heard to take a deep breath and count to ten, for example. As much as it is very much associated with popular beliefs, there is a great deal of truth and effectiveness in it.
Especially when you are amid a turbulent and intense emotion, such as anger, anxiety, or sadness. Stop and take deep, slow breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth.
This will help to calm the nervous system and you have a great tendency to regain emotional balance. In addition, in times of stress, taking actions on impulse or emotion is not a good thing and there is a high chance that you will regret it later.
Develop a broader perspective
Nothing better than maturity, or time, to show us situations from other perspectives. Furthermore, after taking so much to the head, we create an “emotional intelligence” – also because making mistakes is stupid – and we manage to learn from these blows that life gives us. This is where we are going to learn.
We know it's not easy, because what you won't find here are facilities. So try to see challenges and stressful situations as opportunities for growth and learning. And go!
This will allow you to maintain a more balanced perspective and avoid overreacting emotionally. Remember, acting rationally is always the best option.
Practice self-regulation
Look at reason again, asking to be used to the detriment of emotion. Because the more you perform self-regulation, the greater your ability to control your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
With time and practice, you'll be able to identify the trigger that leaves you on the verge of exploding. That way, you're more likely to assess what's going on and choose a more appropriate and effective response or action.
Seek support for emotional self-control
There are moments when we can't always accomplish everything alone, and that's ok. We need to understand that people will always need people, whether we like it or not. Especially if you tried the four tips above and didn't solve it, you didn't feel “any difference, everything is the same and I'm going to beat the shit out of you for making me read this far”.
There are two options: try your luck or seek support from qualified professionals, such as psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals. They will help you develop emotional self-management skills as well as deal with specific challenges.
Have in mind
To develop emotionally you will not run away from self-knowledge, from having to go through moments of stress and a lot of willpower. Also, be willing to even reframe some things in your life and your modus operandi.
I can tell you that this effort is worth it and I experienced the benefits of emotional self-control at an event I attended in March of this year. That is, in a specific situation that happened, I was one step away from blowing up and going back to having the attitude of Old Fernando.
It's true that advice if it was good, we wouldn't give it, but if you want to make an exception, if today you don't have emotional self-control, go in search of getting it. It's so worth it, it's transformative. Finally, that doesn't mean becoming a court jester, much less letting people walk all over you. So, would you be willing to try?
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I like your ideas for self-regulation. Asking for help is important, but even more important for me is having a trusted friend or work colleague who you can simply vent your frustrations to. I was very lucky to have a boss like this who allowed me to vent, which lowered my stress levels immediately.