From fake smiles to emotional exhaustion: the dangers of being a professional pleaser
Learn to say no and put your emotional health first, because in addition to not doing you any good, being a professional pleaser gives you a bad image of yourself
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Pleasing a professional in my time had another name, such as “Maria goes with the others” and “kiss-ass, for example, are two more well-known adjectives. If you've made it this far anyway, I'm guessing having that stamp on your forehead isn't what you're looking for.
Also, if you are a professional pleaser, it is a sign that you are not putting yourself first and not giving value to what is most important: you and your time. Soon, it's time to improve that self-esteem and introspect why you're acting like this. Just to be accepted into a certain group?
Related article: Emotional self-control: you either have it or you don't
Know the five harms of being an asslicker
With the advent of social networks, it is known that appearing is more important than actually being. However, when you become a kiss-ass... Oops, political correctness is a professional pleaser, sorry, you cause the opposite effect of what you hope to cause. It does not show empathy, or being willing to help, but only interest or envy. And more:
Loss of authenticity;
Lack of respect;
Excessive effort;
Personal dissatisfaction;
The sycophant has a hard time saying no.
Usually, there are more professional pleasures in professional and social environments and relationships than in the personal sphere. Either because you want to be accepted into a particular group or be well-regarded by superiors. However, there are several sycophants with deviant characters and ethics, who maintain these attitudes to move up the career ladder. Even if he has to step on his colleague's head to do so.
Related article: Discover the power of solitude
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Loss of authenticity
You would be much happier if you acted according to your personality, being authentic and not letting it get lost for whatever reason. That is, when you are constantly pleasing others, your essence is lost.
There are times when you may feel pressured to act according to the expectations of others, and when that happens, you are violating your principles and often going against what you think is right, honest, and ethical. So the question is: is it all worth it? What cost for the near future?
In a rough comparison, it's like building without a strong foundation. That is, sooner or later, everything will stop on the ground and all efforts will be in vain.
Lack of respect
I never forget in conversation with my grandfather, Dorval, and years later with businessman Cesar Folle. Both said the same without ever having met:
“The most important thing we have is not houses, cars, and money. On the contrary, the most valuable asset a man has is his name, keep it intact.”
Therefore, I take the liberty of including in that sentence above the respect you convey to people. And when you become a professional pleaser, it's like you've soiled your name. However, some people will lose respect for you when they see that you are always trying to flatter them.
His image becomes that of a manipulative and selfish person. And the consequences are a distancing and/or a loss of trust. It's the antagonism of what a kiss-ass awaits.
Excessive effort
Isn't it more interesting to spend energy and time, the most scarce and irretrievable asset of human beings, on something productive? As well, what does it add to you or someone else you live with?
Being a suck ass - in addition to being exhausting - consumes your time and energy. Furthermore, if all this effort was spent on your professional growth or personal evolution, great. But no, this effort is to meet the demands and expectations of others.
A little self-love never hurt anyone. Respect yourself!
Personal dissatisfaction
Have you ever stopped to think about everything you are neglecting just to flatter someone or a group, to gain respect, and even to get noticed? How long will you omit your own needs and desires?
Yeah, that makes you dissatisfied with yourself, because while others are evolving, you're skating and don't leave the place. The energy that should be invested in your own goals and achievements is used to please a boss, a crowd, “friends” or to be that nice person in the crowd. But that, in reality, is nothing more than a bootlicker with the others.
The sycophant has a hard time saying no
Here in my land, there is an expression: "people are shitting on your head". It's what people do to those who don't know how to set limits on others. In other words, politically correct, to please and not be intolerant, never say no.
Since you're always wanting to be the good guy in the story, the super helpful, the fucking proactive one, people notice and take advantage. In addition, many times and without realizing it, they accept demands and commitments that are unrealistic or that harm their own health and well-being.
Saying no, contrary to what you might think, will make people respect you more. Your denial is not synonymous with being distracted by a situation, but above all, it is respect for you, your struggle, and your history.
Only…
It's that old saying, that if the advice was good, we wouldn't give it. I would charge for them. However, if you liked what you've read so far, we invite you to subscribe to my newsletter (here), totally free and 100% free of viruses and spam.
And finally, I commit a little heresy using the words of William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616): “To be or not to be, that is the question”. Now the choice is in your hands, whether you will continue to please professionally or be enchanted by yourself. Allow yourself not to be disappointed, at least once in your life.
If you enjoyed this article, you may like: Take responsibility and be congruent
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Good advice Fernando. I have been accused of being too honest at work, when I should have just done what I was told, so I may have the opposite problem of being a little rebellious. I tend to ignore protocol and find my own way of doing things. But it is true that there is always one people-pleaser in the group who sacrifices themselves too much. This article is for them.