Folks, apparently I’m an Apocaloptimist: someone who sees the coming environmental apocalypse but believes everything will work out juuuust fine in the end.
For those lucky enough to survive it.
Basically, I’m bracing for the worst but hoping for the best.
Anyway, last week, to get an idea of how things are going on your planet, I decided to watch the news every night to do a little stocktake.
By Thursday, the Doctor had to prescribe some tablets which mostly stopped the screaming.
Just kidding!
Nobody can see a doctor that quickly outside of Brisbane.
But I did develop a sad, little, sigh as the seemingly never-ending bad news plopped out of the pipe.
So, strap yourself in for a quick recap:
Some environ-Mental, climate over-re-activists tossed a can of soup at a classic Van Gogh painting.
Like a good-hearted, but imbecilic, mate who decides the best way to treat your termite problem is to burn your house the ground, they have got to be doing more harm than good for ‘the cause’?
BTW: why couldn’t they have souped Blue Poles? Honestly, it might actually improve the thing.
Although, I strongly suspect it’s already been souped upon
The Ukraine war goes on, because Vlad Cretin Putin, who is (barely) in charge of a colossal 11% of the world’s total land mass (for comparison, China is 6% and Oz, 5%), wants to go shirtless horsey riding over a teeny bit more blood-soaked dirt.
And, thanks to ‘Land Grab’ Vlad, innocent civilians continue getting shelled, while Europeans will have to choose between ‘Eating or Heating’ during the coming northern winter.
Never ones to miss out on choking the Golden Goose, the Saudi’s decided to cut oil supply, pushing fuel costs into the stratosphere, much like one of Kim ‘Little Rocket Man’ Jung-on’s North Korean missiles.
Kimmy’s BFF, and Mobster of the Year for Life, ex-President Trump, continues to avoid jail while the current President, Joe Cool, ramps up fracking and decriminalising marijuana. Gas and Grass man!
The new British King struggled to move some pens on his desk, while downtrodden Iranian women were being abused, beaten, raped or killed for protesting about being abused, beaten, raped or killed.
Large scale animal extinctions in the past 50 years have wiped out nearly 70% of animal life on earth.
The move from coal to renewables drags on at a glacial pace while glaciers melt in the climate furnace faster than predicted.
Here in Oz, parts of the country not underwater are facing food shortages.
The Federal Government is on track to give billionaires and super profiteering corporations more tax-free cash while battling Aussies are being price gouged, rent squeezed, or interest rated out of their homes.
Albo mate, if you’re reading this, you may want to look up the origin, and consequences, of the phrase: “Let them eat cake.”
And the Covid epidemic is officially over! Apparently, we can now ignore it, just like the early birdmen ignored gravity…
That worked out really, really well for them…
Meanwhile, here in Gladstone, I stare out of my kitchen window as ships’, chock full of coal and gas, chug out of the harbour, while frantically washing the last pips out of my empty jam jar before recycling it.
Which means, I’ve stared the full catastrophe right in the eye, then responded by doing the little things which will count long-term.
Because at the end of the day, in spite of all the climate gloom, tinpot dictators, foolish financial decisions, lying, scheming, cheating, greed and other almost overwhelming bad news, we live in a pretty amazing time of medical miracles, technological marvels and inspirational innovation.
I genuinely believe humanity has, or will find, the ways and means to re-invent a brighter, cleaner, fairer, greener world.
Yet, if things do go completely mango shaped in the not-too-distant future, when the survivors stagger out of the dust and rubble, they’ll have a handy supply of sparkling clean jam jars to kickstart their new civilisation!
This column first appeared in Regrow Qld Magazine…. check it out!