A Crewcut, a Cowlick and a Ponytail

Living in a Body

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A Crewcut, a Cowlick and a Ponytail

Episode 36 -- A Short History of My Hair

Oct 15, 2022

Hi! I’m glad you’re here. Click the play button above to hear me read the story. (11 minute listen) Thanks so much for your support. I hope you’ll share this post with one friend. Thank you! Hal

A Crewcut, a Cowlick and a Ponytail

For years, I've been daring myself to chop it all off. Haircut after haircut, I show up at the Great Clips in Stow with the idea that this time I'm gonna request a crewcut. Within the first few minutes of sitting in the chair though, I've always talked myself out of it. Then I go ahead and request "the usual." Pretty much every time, the hairdresser agrees that I probably look best with a little more hair on my head. I'm quite happy with the work they do over there at Great Clips. For 20 bucks, I come out looking clean and fresh and a few years younger. At this point in my life, I like a good haircut.

Last week, for the first time in my life, I went ahead and cut it all off. In a moment of inspiration, I dug out the clippers, picked out the no. 3 comb and I handed it over to my caregiver to do the rest. There was nothing ceremonious about it. I just took off my shirt, sat down at the kitchen table and Mango started cutting away. The clippers we used were cheap, so it took him about 20 minutes of patient clipping to get all the hair down to a tapered half inch.

When the job was done, a pile of dark blonde hair was lying on the kitchen floor and Mango had a big smile on his face. He was quite pleased with the work he'd done. I have to admit it's been a bit disconcerting to see my scalp showing through the buzz cut like it does, but I'm getting used to it. I look like a guy that's all ready to go join the marines -- big glasses, a long forehead and a half inch of hair all the way around. The haircut has gone over quite well on Instagram. One of my followers commented that I look like "the nice drill sargeant that everybody likes." I took that as a compliment. I suppose with this style, I could also pass as a buddhist monk or one of the cast members of Breaking Bad.

While I'm still getting used to it, my mom has made it very clear that she doesn't like it. Within a minute of posting a selfie in the family's text thread, my mom expressed her strong disapproval of the haircut. In words and angry emojis, she let me know that she won't be talking to me again until my hair grows back. She wrote that with the swipe of a pen, she has removed me from the will. Don't worry, mom. It'll grow back. I'll text you tomorrow. ❤️

When I was a kid, I hated getting haircuts. Practically every picture of me has my hair hanging way down in my eyes. I had a cowlick on the right side of my head that caused me so much anguish and it always got worse after a haircut. My bangs never lay the way all the other kids bangs lay. The popular kids didn't seem to have cowlicks. Their hair just sat real nice and straight down on their forehead. I wished so badly that I could just have regular bangs like everybody else. I also wished that I had brown hair. All the popular kids had brown hair.

I remember once my hairdresser noticed that I had chopped the cowlick all the way down to the scalp. She very kindly informed me that it doesn't do any good to cut it down cause it'll just grow back sticking straight up. I also remember attempting to part my hair on the opposite side of the cowlick, but that didn't work either. To tell you the truth, I can't understand why my hair troubled me so much. In all the pictures of me as a kid, I look so damn cute. My hair was perfect. I wish I'd worn those sweet blonde locks with confidence back then.

Today, I don't fight the cowlick. In fact, I like it. It does an excellent job of making a natural part on the right side of my head. With my crewcut, I like to feel the little spikes of cowlick growing up in the opposite direction as the rest of the hair. And by the way, my daughter has the exact same cowlick on the same side of her head and I love her madly for it. Hi Hallie. ❤️

In college, I had two main goals. One was to find a girlfriend and the other was to grow my hair long. As a freshman, I had a grand romantic vision. I pictured myself as a senior hanging out at the student center with a girlfriend and a long ponytail. In my fantasy, I wouldn't be alone anymore and all my insecurities would be gone. I'd finally be one of the relaxed popular guys and all the freshmen would think I was so cool.

When I made it to my senior year, only part of the vision had come true. I had successfully grown my hair out and I was able to wear it in a long blonde ponytail. I'm sorry to report though that it didn't solve the insecurity issue. It actually did give me a little boost of confidence, but I was still just a scared kid worrying about what everybody was thinking about me. If only I'd grasped the goodness and the potential in that sweet guy underneath the long hair, the homemade leather pouch and the maroon African dashiki that I wore practically everyday.

If I knew then what I’m still trying to learn by now, here's what I'd do differently. I'd make sure the barber and all my professors knew me by name. I’d ask a lot of questions. I'd dress smart and I'd stand up tall. I'd look people in the eyes and take a humble interest in others. I'd make the practice room my home away from home and I'd spend my energy studying music. I'd stay sober and I'd suck out every ounce of education that that beautiful lakefront campus had to offer. And I’d relax about the whole girlfriend issue. I realize that there's no going back now, but I guess I find some kind of pleasure in thinking about the way it could've been different.

As far as I recall, in 1987 on the Northwestern campus, there were only two guys with long hair -- me and David Schwimmer, the guy who went on to play Ross in the TV show, Friends. David and I played in a production of "Hair" together during our senior year. We were the only two male cast members that didn't need to wear a wig. David Schwimmer had the lead role and I was just a "sideline hippie," so I don't know that he ever noticed me. But I always felt like we were somehow connected by our ponytails.

By the way, I never did get the girlfriend. There were a few close calls in college, but none of them ever worked out. I did lose my virginity in my senior year though. Maybe I'll tell you about that another time... or maybe not. The girlfriends came after college.

After I graduated, I wore my hair long for about seven years. I wore it proudly as a kind of stamp of my membership in the counterculture. I was an artist and a rebel. I refused to get a haircut or to get a regular job or to do any of the other kinds of things that all the other adults in society were doing. In 1991, with my long blonde hair, I was waking up at noon wearing purple leggings with shorts on top and playing a drum in the middle of Kent while I judged all the people walking by in their banking clothes. The truth is I was scared. Underneath the long hair, I was lost and confused and scared. I just wanted somebody to notice me.

Shannon noticed me in 1993. We fell in love when we were painting dorm rooms on a Kent crew that was working down in Tallahassee, Florida. After going our separate ways for a couple years, we moved in together at the coop in '95. From the first time I walked into that place, I dreamed about living in the coop. It was the ultimate Kent bachelor pad. Shannon and I moved in there together and we split the 150 dollar rent between us. It was truly alternative living. I gotta hand it to Shannon. She was a real trooper for putting up with me and my unconventional ways.

One day when Shannon was off at her classes and I was getting high down at the river, I had a big inspiration. I decided to cut off my ponytail and to ask Shannon to marry me. In that moment, I was done with my childish ways. I was ready to settle down. I got out some scissors, cut off all my hair and I called my mom to see if she had a ring that I could give to Shannon. Shannon got home that evening and I had written the question in our shared journal. She said, "yes" and we began our brief marital journey that resulted in the birth of our only daughter, Hallie. That was the last of my ponytail. It's been over 25 years now. I've had short hair ever since.

That's pretty much the whole story about my hair. I have noticed a few more gray hairs in my sideburns lately but the crewcut pretty much took care of that. For years now, I’ve struggled with flaky psoriasis on my scalp, but I suppose that keeps me humble. Other than that, the crewcut is about the most exciting thing that's happened with my hair in a long time. This week, it's shorter than it's ever been in my whole life and it sure is easy to take care of.

I appreciate you reading my story. It was fun to write. Hopefully there will be more stories where that one came from. Maybe on Tuesday you'd be willing to share some of your story in the next edition of "What's Your Story?" I hope so. Keep an eye out for that email on Tuesday. All the best to you on this beautiful October Saturday — wherever you are. Enjoy living in that body of yours and I’ll try to do the same. Thank you so much for being here. ❤️. Hal