Prelude
I took a lengthy personality quiz a few years ago called Understand Myself. I paid ten dollars to do so. The results were fascinating; they explained me, to me, with a new kind of clarity and honesty. Most striking were my scores in openness and volatility— both in the 98th percentile. This particular mixture makes decision-making a nightmare. A person who is extremely high in openness will be interested in a menagerie of subjects; add into the mixture extremely high volatility and you have someone who is so excited about so many things that they are crippled by choosing just one. Hello, nice to meet you— it’s the story of my life. It has made one particularly important part of my life rather difficult: deciding on a career.
Of course, the dream is to scale Feelings, Inc into a poetry juggernaut. To get a book deal! To become the Poet Laureate. But it’s okay for these dreams to be a slow burn. They are my dreams. My embers that keep me warm. I can’t rush my work into turning a profit for me without time, consistency, and probably a little luck. I can, however, look for a career that allows me to develop adjacent skills and assist in making those dreams a reality. So, what to do? Like I mentioned initially: I never know what to look for. I could work with animals, or do something creative, or learn a new skill (have thought about becoming a mechanic), or work in an office, or, or, or… The job search always proves frustrating due to my indecision.
My current position of over a year is a job I do not enjoy, but has served its purpose during my TBI recovery. In the past six months, I’ve felt more capable: I feel ready for something new, hungry for a challenge, and extremely eager to welcome more security and stability into my life. I’m ready to use my head again, which is miraculous. So, after months of applying to random jobs across a variety of sectors, I decided to pivot, hop on a few calls with trusted advisors, and dip my toes into a career I would never have chosen. Sales! Sales?
Sales terrified me until a few weeks ago, mostly because I had a very narrow idea of what sales is and can be. I learned sales is almost everything, that it has far more to offer than sleazy car salesmen or door-to-door hell. Sales is all about relationships, sometimes it’s even a little like being a therapist or consultant. I also realized that I could eventually utilize my skills and network to learn about the publishing world. Who knows? There’s a lot of potential for networking with amazing professionals. So I went for it: updated my LinkedIn, revamped my resume, and started applying. I saw an opening at a startup based here in SA and sent my materials. Two minutes later, I got a message from the director of sales and scheduled an initial call. It was great, the interview today went well, and I’m feeling excited, no matter the outcome.
This is really new Feelers—the company is a LinkedIn ad agency. I’ve never worked expressly in either sales or marketing, and definitely not in LinkedIn ads. I hate not being good at things; I want to be a professional before I start. But, my good friend Mark recently reminded me that we must continue to move towards the things that scare us. We have to approach the discomfort. Obviously, there are instances where this is not the correct advice, but overwhelmingly, it rings true. We have to walk right up to the discomfort and ask it to tea. So I’m walking in— kettle in one hand, tea set in the other. Functioning head held high. I’ll keep you updated on my brush with the new and scary. Wish me luck!
I’ve been tinkering on this week’s poem for a few months now. I like the gradual build in pacing and rhyme. Let me know what you think. Happy January, Feelers. It’s a brand new year. I’m happy to be here in the beginning with you. XO HW
The Poem
I’ll Oblige
If the river grass extends its billowing hands I’ll oblige and interlace my own fingers, braid together a knowing that lingers long after letting go. If the bits of broken glass glinting on the ground beckon I’ll oblige and peer into their shimmering blackness until I arrive in another place. If the shining heat of the sun is singing sweet, I’ll oblige and greet it with a song of my own. As the day recedes so too will our voices. I’ll oblige. I’ll do so willingly, Circle the earth when the wind asks it of me. Lose my shoes and wade into the sea-- It need only ask, I’ll oblige and receive. If the starlight says softly It is my time to go I’ll oblige, I’ll oblige and follow it home.
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I was just thinking yesterday that I wished your soul sucking job could be replaced with something more rewarding (I ponder lots of things when I am painting 🙂). It takes courage to seek out new opportunities, and new growth. Congratulations on taking the leap! And, best of luck! 💜