Over the course of a few months I’ve garnered over 250 of you who decided to subscribe to my Substack. So many of you decided I have something worth listening to, and everyday that I see a new subscription I get a gutted feeling because I know I should be writing. I want to be writing.
But I just can’t.
Because what I have on my mind and what I want to say is utter despair. I routinely feel dead inside from experiencing complete erasure here in Germany, to waking up to a new murder of Palestinian youth, to the insane natural disasters that is killing Muslims around the world by the thousands. I want to write about how climate change is real and how we need to stand by Libyans and Moroccans and Palestinians, and all I can possibly think of that is running through my head everyday is : the world is doomed.
I feel dead inside.
I decided against going to university and submerging myself in a bubble of intellectual growth because I thought what could be more beneficial than writing about the world everyday- about issues others don’t write about.
I now realize how stupid that decision was. Oh to be submerged in an academic bubble. Talking about abstract ideas that no one ever thinks of. Reading and writing about historical events that are just that: historical events.
I apologize to all of you. As a mother, I am attempting to find the will to shed happiness and hope to my child and the second one on the way. I am trying my best to show them that life is worth it, and humans are worth it….Damn has that been hard. My cynical nature has seeped through and I wonder just how I’m supposed to explain to my son that not all men abuse women, that not all governments are bad, that you can trust the police if you’re in danger.
I can never tell him any of that unfortunately.
What I can tell him though is that he will never be alone. He will never have to face these hard questions and feelings alone. He will never have to figure out how to navigate a life that has not improved for the majority of people around the world since the 70s alone. As long as I am well, he won’t have to navigate that alone.
I wish I can say the same for our communities however. A Muslim community that arguably has never existed, or a friendship community that actually checks in with each other. I wish I can say that we’re also in it together. Our lives of today have made it impossible to interact with each other properly.
This isn’t helping is it? I tried warning you. I completely understand if you want to unsubscribe. I would like to write more and inform more, especially about what’s going on currently in Germany. I will try my best.
Citizenship and residency rights of minorities are under attack here. Everyday there is a new case of someone being stripped of their citizenship or residency because of their political views on Israel, or their activism. Everyday counter terrorism measures are being deployed on vulnerable and poverty stricken communities that are not from Ukraine or Poland but from Eritrea and Palestine.
This is the least I can do as a so called journalist. I am sorry again that I have failed to do so here recently.
Thank you for subscribing, and I’ll be back shortly.
The situation in Germany is deeply depressing. I was chatting to a Syrian guy in Spain about Palestine last week, he was interested in moving to Germany. It took me a minute to decide whether or not to get into the issue with him. He spoke about Ireland's support for Palestine and seemed happy to chat with me. I didn't want to unload on him. (Maybe I'll find out the Spanish left has some other weird antideutsch thing)
Don't worry if you feel you aren't writing enough. I think many subscribers here understand the highs and lows of writing. People are happy to support you.
I totally understand and feel for you.
However as a muslim, I believe there's always hope for the better as long as we strive for it.
Currently I'm subscribed to Alasna institute and one of the reason why I joined their courses is that for me to understand what's going on with the world (especially how the Muslims behave) today and how to address it.
I found the courses benefit me tremendously alhamdulillah