What is motherhood but a good ramble? A jumble of thoughts stuck in your brain, keeping you up at night. Every mother needs a good ramble.
A good ramble is like word vomit but unlike word vomit your incessant musings are stuck in your brain like a colorful pinwheel.
Colorful chaos.
I live for the chaos.
Welcome to the ramble.
My husband asked if I wanted alone time or me time on Mother’s Day.
Go ahead and do all the things you want to do, he says.
Go ahead and relax, he says.
Go ahead and get lost in your thoughts, he says.
While I’m devilishly inclined to accept the offer and run, a big part of me wants to be IN IT on Mother’s Day.
Togetherness, not alone.
This dichotomy - between me time and togetherness is a constant theme.
Do I want it?
Do I choose it?
Do I deserve it?
Can I blend it?
I start my day eager for those few precious minutes of me time after everyone is tucked into bed for the night.
I end my day excited to snuggle with my hungry baby during the wee hours of the morning.
Tug and pull.
Push and shove.
Back and forth.
Up and down.
Motherhood is like a rollercoaster.
Beautiful and messy.
As it should be.
Have you ever read the book, The 5 Love Languages? In this book, author Gary Chapman discusses how people give and receive love in five different ways: acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.
I’d like to make a case for the inclusion of number six - sharing food.
I give and receive love with food. Cooking a fresh dinner each night for my kids, sharing food around the table, family grocery shopping, celebrations and holidays featuring food, discovering new farm stands, trying new and interesting foods.
I suppose I inherited this love language from my mother who is very talented at expressing her love with food.
I’m stuck between two worlds.
Me & the iteration of me.
Exhausted and lazy & Sunday funday.
Checking off the to-do list & dance parties way past bedtime.
Cleaning and organizing & spontaneous tropical vacations.
Reorganizing because I’m annoyingly type A & camping in the woods, marshmallows and all.
Stuck in my head with thoughts of the future and muddled in the past & joyfully and earnestly present.
Both versions of me exist but I’m stuck.
What is motherhood?
What is motherhood but a pile of clean laundry waiting to be folded (for weeks)?
What is motherhood but your choice of spit-up haute couture?
What is motherhood but your love-hate relationship with the bento box?
What is motherhood but a collection of snotty tissues shoved between the couch cushions?
What is motherhood without reheating your coffee 5x between 6-10am?
What is motherhood but endless sleepless nights because mom guilt has you questioning every life decision?
What is motherhood but a mirror to your soul?
What is motherhood?
This is the toughest job on the planet.
I want to be more present - put that damn phone away.
I want to be softer.
I want to say ‘yes’ more than I say ‘no’.
I want to play in the mud with my kids, making salads out of leaves and flowers.
I want to have more patience.
I want to relax.
I want to step outside myself a little more.
I want to slow down.
I want to be grateful.
I want to be thankful.
I want to be a good mother.
Happy Mother’s Day
Love, Dahlia
Have your kids give you a massage so you get relaxing time and time with the kids ;)
Dahlia — finally had a chance to read this. What a lovely post! I’m not a mother and won’t pretend to speak for one… but I think you absolutely nailed a lot of the vibes of parenting in this. Terrific stuff. You’re doing great!