I’ve gone through different moments in my life where I’ve felt stuck. I can remember after graduating highschool and not yet certain whether I would be starting university in the U.K. or the U.S.…
Then five years after, I can remember when I completed my university education and was uncertain about starting my life over again in my hometown in Nigeria.
When I was in the midst of those moments, I felt stuck in uncertainty.
If you are going through moments in your life where you feel stuck, I have some tips for you on mistakes that I made that you shouldn’t so that you don’t feel stuck.
You Are Not Putting Things in Perspective
At times, when we feel stuck, we are not putting things in perspective. We are only seeing the moment of uncertainty and pain rather than the big picture.
In the past, when I went through visa delays, it felt like the end of the world. I wasn’t sure where I would be for college. Me putting things to perspective is knowing that life brings about its challenges.
I had to wait for some time but my visa did eventually get approved. I ended up going to New York and studying what I loved which is English Literature with minors in Journalism and Women’s Studies.
For you to put things in perspective, it helps to ask yourself, what’s the worst that can happen? When you can be realistic about the situation, then you realise what you are capable of handling.
Take Some Action By Making A Change
Also, consider what you can change or not about your situation. If there is something that you can change about your situation, then go ahead and make the process of change.
If you can’t change it, then why bother complaining? Learn how to deal with and handle things.
One of my favourite quotes from the late Maya Angelou states that “if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.’’
Reflect on How Things Have Been in the Past
In moments when we feel stuck, it appears as though we haven’t gone through difficult situations before and the present moment feels chaotic.
Yet, when you can reflect back to the moments of the past, things are not so bad.
Presently, when I go through challenges in my life, it helps me to reflect back on my past and consider how things were.
I remember how I initially felt thinking that it would be impossible to start my life over again in Nigeria and yet I did. So I figure that I can always start again. I can always embrace a new adventure. If I have done it before, then I can do it again.
What have you overcome in the past that seemed impossible then?
Consider the ways that you made steps to move forward now and let it ease your anxiety and fears about new decisions to take.
You Have Allowed Other People to Define the Sort of Life You Can Have
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is letting others tell you who you are. One of the biggest mistakes you can make is allowing others to define you.
Don’t care what other people think of you.
If you have a dream and a vision, then go after it. Don’t let someone tell you that you are not smart enough. Don’t let someone tell you that you don’t have what it takes. Don’t let someone tell you that you’re too young or too old to do something.
At times, when we feel stuck in life, it is because we have convinced ourselves through others’ perceptions that we can’t be this or that.
As for me, I want to live my life on my own terms. Not everyone thinks I’m the best writer or creator but I will write regardless. I will create regardless because it is in my heart to do so.
Stop allowing others to define you.
You are Not Taking Your Mental Health Seriously
Our mental health affects how we perceive our lives and the dreams we go after.
From a very young age, I’ve been very negative about my life and it was because I didn’t understand how my thoughts of myself and others affected me.
It wasn’t until I started taking my mental health seriously and speaking to a therapist that I learned about myself. I learned about how I needed to work on my thoughts and my mindset.
The reason you feel stuck in life can be because of a flawed perception of yourself. It’s time to start working on your mindset.
You are Not Willing to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone
Our comfort zone is comfortable. It’s easy to keep things simple and do things the way we’ve always done.
Yet, that comfort zone keeps you from experiencing some change and newness that would enable you to not feel stuck in life.
This year, I moved out of my parent’s house in Nigeria. It is not easy for me because it was comfortable being at home and living on my own has proved challenging.
Yet, I do not regret the decision because I love my freedom and solitude and it opened my eyes to stepping into adulthood. Learning to cater for myself. Making mistakes and figuring out the process of how to do better.
Stepping out of your comfort zone is a messy process but it’s needed to get you feeling unstuck.
You Are Waiting for Conditions to Be Perfect
At times, we get stuck and remain stagnant because we tell ourselves that we need to have certain conditions to take action.
You need to have this and that amount of money. You need to be able to be this and that person.
There is nothing wrong with planning. Planning helps. You should plan but at times, take the leap and figure things out along the way.
Final Thoughts
This life we live is not at all perfect. You will go through moments that would make you feel stuck and sometimes, you will just be stuck. But you don’t have to be buried there.
You need to realise that even while being stuck, there are things that you can do.
You can change the way you look at your situation. You can make a change to what you can do. You can position yourself in the direction of your dreams. You can give yourself room to make a mess and fail.
I pray you find the courage to know that even in being stuck, you realise this is simply life and there is a way to still keep moving.