GOOD MORNING, FUCKERS! #1
OK, this is the official beginning of the newsletter. Formerly on Patreon, this is where I discuss my writing updates of the week.
For those who followed my Patreon, you know that I’ve been working on a porn parody of a beloved TV show. I try to put out one sex book a year, and I hope to have this done by Christmas. All of my writing efforts went toward this since last Sunday because I had a problem. I couldn’t move on to the actual story until I figured out porn parody lyrics to the theme song. I finally broke that problem. Or, at least, broke it enough to move on. I’m not happy with some of the meter, but I can always fix that later. Almost all of it, though, is spot on.
So I was able to begin the story, which I’ve done. The characters and situation have been introduced. A lot of sex and pain has been portrayed. The first skit parody has been done. And I have officially started on the story within the story. I am well on my way.
The sex books usually come easy to me, but this one is being difficult, and I can’t say I’m surprised. Due to the nature of the thing I am parodying, doing a porn version is very hard. Er, difficult. But I’m only trying to restore balance to the universe. Really, that’s all I’m doing.
I’m sure you’re familiar with Rule 34. If not, it’s the idea that there is porn of everything. Except . . . when I looked around for porn of this very specific thing, I came up with nothing. So Rule 34 missed a spot. I’m just filling that gap. So to speak. But there is a reason there isn’t porn of this thing. It’s because it’s damn near impossible to do it. In fact, it would probably be best if I got my friends together and did a movie version of this instead of writing a book about it. It would probably be a lot funnier that way. But I don’t know how comfortable my friends would be with making porn, even if it is a parody, so . . .
Then again, the people who made the show actually did a comic book version that worked out pretty well, so maybe I’m being too, uh, hard on myself.
So that leaves the last thing on the checklist that I mentioned before. It’s what I call my Drunk and Staggering chapbook. I’ve written a lot of stories about my real life drunken adventures that seem outlandish but are, in actuality, very true. No one has ever wanted to publish these things, and I guess I see why. There’s no real market for them unless you’re Hunter S. Thompson or Tucker Max. But I want to put some of them together in a chapbook. Nothing fancy. I don’t think I’d even put art on the cover of the chapbook. Make it seem calm and unassuming on the outside, and then just shock everyone with the crazy shit that happens inside. It’s not a priority. It’s more of something for me to just think about. If I do it, I doubt it will be this year. I spent a lot of my life drunk, and the last ten years were essentially a constant stupor. I risked life and limb for those stories. I might as well use them, right?
OK, here are the things I posted this week.
I wrote about the results of my colonoscopy (hopefully this is the last you will hear of it).
I stopped by my usual liquor store and was recognized for the first time since I quit drinking.
And I wrote about me being a book detective.
Next week will be very abbreviated because I’ll be at Printers Row in Chicago. I’ll be there with a lot of awesome authors, selling and signing books. It has become the only show I go to these days, although I hope to change that next year. (Which I say every year, but maybe I’ll be right this time.) It’s the best. I very rarely go home with any of my own stock. I make a lot of money doing this show, and I meet a lot of awesome people at these things. In addition, I’ve been told that the S&M Salon will be in effect after the show on Saturday, so I’ll be doing a live reading there, as well. It will be my first sober live reading, which should be interesting.
As always, I have a website. I hope to see you all next week!