NATIONAL RACCOON APPRECIATION DAY UPDATES
Just Don't Let Your Pets Near Them - They're Predatory Bastards
-With the federal government remaining open until the next continuing resolution needs to be passed on November 17, attention will be turning to various internal House dramas. At the top of that list: What Will Happen To Kevin McCarthy (ORGAN CHORD)?
-After Kevin thwarted the desires of the UltraMAGA caucus for the second time and refused to shut the government down for a wishlist of radical right-wing demands, THIS JUST IN: McCarthy nemesis Rep. Matt Gaetz (Hey GiRl, FL, man) has announced on CNN that he will activate a clause in the agreement that made McCarthy speaker after 15 votes, and call for McCarthy's ouster this week. Gaetz and the UltraMAGA faction only needs a simple majority to allow the "motion to vacate" to pass - and, given that the White House and most House Democrats have been excoriating McCarthy for his brinksmanship these past few weeks, Democrats are not likely to vote to save his Speakership. The primary issue for Gaetz and the UltraMAGAs is to find a replacement that could get a majority of votes, and McCarthy has dared Gaetz to try to make a motion in private GOP meetings. That's House Drama One.
-House Drama Two: Who Will Run The Hunter - er, Joe - Biden Impeachment (MINOR ORGAN CHORD)? The first hearing into the Biden "inquiry" was, by all accounts, cosmically and horrifically bad - from featured GOP witnesses admitting no evidence exists that comes close to meeting a threshhold of impeachment against Biden, to the viral speeches of House Democrats Jamie Raskin, Jasmine Crockett and Jared Moskowitz, to a credible accusation by Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that a screen shot submitted by GOP Rep. Byron Donalds purporting to be a text message from Hunter Biden to Joe Biden was "fabricated," to even Fox News commentators not being able to hide how badly the hearing went. And it went so bad that Politico reports Chair James Comer (HunteR!, KY) may be replaced with Rep. Jim "Gym" Jordan (OtheR Way, OH), who himself made false claims about the Justice Department during the hearing. That's House Drama Two.
-Finally: House Drama Three: How Will Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) Be Punished (OORRR-GAAANNN CHOOORRDDD!!). What did he do, you ask? WELL, just before the House vote on the continuing resolution yesterday, Bowman attempted to exit the Cannon House Building to make the vote - but did so by pulling a fire alarm to open a door in the process. Immediately, reports that Bowman pulled the alarm to delay the vote started to circulate, and by the time Bowman's office released a statement claiming he pulled the alarm by mistake, the cause had been taken up by Republicans demanding that Bowman's dangerous (which, to be fair, it was) and reckless (also true) action must lead to his EXPULSION from the House! Of course, one of the leading voices in the Bowman kerfuffle is Rep. Lauren Boebert, who as we now all know knows a thing or two about pulling things in pubic.
-On a more substantial note, the one item the UltraMAGAts did get out of the CR was the removal of increased funding to Ukraine - but, given that strong majorities in both chambers support the move, it is expected as early as this week that some of those new monies may be requested in other spending bills that must be passed. So, SLAVA UKRAINI!
-While all of this was going on, Ex-President Trump XCI made an appearance in CA for his ostensible campaign - and while you probably didn't hear about it because you are all obsessed with JOE BIDEN OLD stories in the media, Trump's speech showed that the elder candidate whose mental facilities need to be worried about just may not - hear me out - just may NOT be the guy in the White House.
-In the speech, Trump careened from the obtusely weird (insisting that forest fires could be prevented simply by saturating the ground they roar on with water) to the imaginary (Trump continually insisted that he won CA in 2020 by double digits - Biden won CA by 30% rounding up) to the grotesque (joking about the health of Nancy Pelosi's husband Paul, whose skull was broken in an attack by a Trump supporter wielding a hammer) to the fascistic (calling for police to have the ability to "shoot on sight" anyone who commits a robbery or break-in), to the utterly deranged (demanding that "If somebody is beating you by 10, 15, 20 points like we're doing with Joe Biden (dismissing an outlier poll, the polling has the race essentially even) - let's indict the m****rf***r!" (polling leads are not legitimate reasons for impeachment).
-Meanwhile, Biden gave a speech on Thursday in AZ that you undoubtedly did not hear about where he spoke of the threat that Trump and the UltraMAGA GOP has to democracy, and for anyone worried about his faculties, find the speech is all I will say.
-On the labor front, the UAW added more plants to their rolling strikes as they continue negotiations with the Big Three American automakers, with wages and a 32-hour work week among the demands. In the meantime, SAG-AFTRA and Actors Equity will meet with Hollywood producers tomorrow for the first time since the Writers Guild reached a tentative agreement with those same producers. The Writers Guild is expected to approve the deal, as voting will begin on the three-year deal tomorrow.
-And today is the end of Major League Baseball's regular season. The playoff teams are set, with the final day focusing on the continuing record-setting of the Atlanta Braves in home runs and base-stealing, and two likely Hall of Fame careers ending in Detroit - Tigers OF Miguel Cabrera and Cleveland Guardians Manager Terry Francona. For those of us who have no teams to follow this October, NBA training camps open this week and the NHL pre-season continues apace.
-On this date in 1890, Yosemite National Park was created. On this date in 1908, the first Ford Model T rolled off an assembly line. On this date in 1946, 22 Nazis were convicted of war crimes in a trial set in Nuremberg, Germany. On this date in 1949, the People's Republic of China was formed. On this date in 1962, Johnny Carson took over as host of THE TONIGHT SHOW. On this date in 1971, Walt Disney World opened in FL. On this date in 1975, Muhammad Ali defeated Joe Frazier after 14 rounds in the legendary "Thrilla in Manila." And on this date in 2017, 58 people were killed after watching a Jason Aldean concert in Las Vegas, NV - the deadliest mass shooting in American history.
-Happy Birthday to William Boeing, Walter Matthau, James Whitmore, Jimmy Carter, Tom Bosley, George Peppard, Richard Harris, Julie Andrews, Edward Villella, Stella Stevens, Donny Hathaway, Rod Carew, Spider Sabich, Conrad Dobler, Randy Quaid, Grete Waitz, Youssou N'dour, Esai Morales, Christopher Titus, Zach Galifianakis, Johnny Oduya, and Brie Larson.
-Rest in Peace/Rest in Power to Louis Leakey, Walter Alston, E.B. White, Richard Avedon, Al Oerter, Tom Clancy, Charles Aznavour, and Antonio Inoki.
-Feed the Worms: Chief Justice William Rehnquist and steroid freak Mark McGwire entered Earth on this date. Notorious British gangster Reggie Kray bought it on this date.
-Bonnie Parker was born on this date. You decide if she gets a Happy Birthday or if she Feeds the Worms.
-The Number One Film in America on this date ... in 2023, THE NUN II ... in 2013, CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS II ... in 2003, THE RUNDOWN ... in 1993, MALICE ... in 1983, THE BIG CHILL ... and in 1973, DEADLY CHINA DOLL.