The irresistible pull of 'optimisation' - The Campfire vol. 43
and why it's making us miserable
Hey everyone
The pressure to optimise our lives has never been higher, but at what cost?
Gather round đ„
One idea đ§
The seduction of optimisation
Check out this tweet by Sahil Bloom that recently went viral:
https://twitter.com/SahilBloom/status/1654103385509953538?s=20
Do you love this idea? Or do you think itâs a bit OTT?
Itâs based on a âalter egoâ behavioural technique popularised by BeyoncĂ© (âSasha Fierceâ) and Kobe Bryant (âBlack Mambaâ).
âSasha Fierce is the fun, more sensual, more aggressive, more outspoken side and more glamorous side that comes out when Iâm working and when Iâm on the stage.â
I like it. The idea is simple: invent a character that you can âbecomeâ in order to perform in a desired way.
7am âSuper mumâ
1pm âBest husband everâ
6pm âRunning machineâ etc.
You get the idea đ
Identity is a powerful lever in behaviour change.
Itâs the difference between asking someone to âbe 10-times more confident on stageâ or âchannel your inner Dwayne Johnsonâ.
I can tap into my inner Dwayne Johnson much easier!
However, this idea annoyed me. Because it plays into this pervasive, but flawed belief:
To be happy or successful, you need to optimise every area of your life.
Easy, right?
Despite rising quality of life, people feel increasingly pressed for time, undermining their happiness.
Research shows that spending money on time-saving services - like cleaners, shopping or cooking - as opposed to material things, is linked to greater life satisfaction.
Itâs why thereâs 60,000 book results for time management on Amazon.
However, weâve shifted from purely saving time, to attempting to eke out every last improvement to the nâth degree. (e.g. the alter ego alarm system)
James Clearâs book Atomic Habits has sold 10 million copies because it brilliantly demonstrates how improvements can be made little by little.
But now youâre bombarded with things like:
A strategy to be the perfect dad
A methodology for the ideal date night with your partner
A 5-step process for getting 5 hours of work done in 1 hour
Itâs overwhelming, and all a bitâŠ.. miserable.
By succumbing to the pressure of full-on optimisation, you squeeze the joy, spontaneity and choice out of life.
Time-saving makes us happier according to the research.
But optimising for every tiny improvement does not.
Optimising v Good Enough
On the Tim Ferris Podcast, Derek Sivers talks about choosing what to optimise:
âHow many things in our life are we okay to just not optimize? It depends where you draw the line, right? Your romantic relationship, your job, your family. But nobody has the perfect family of their wishes. Our location, where you live, our diet.
You have to decide whatâs worth optimizing â that we donât need to optimize everything. Itâs okay to have some things be good enough.â
Itâs about choosing where to focus your finite energy on improving, versus leaving things as âgood enoughâ.
What helps to frame this question is to be honest about the facts of life:
You will miss out on lots things you like
You must make hard choices about your time
You will die.
I know this sounds depressing. But itâs the reality. By persuading yourself that itâs possible to keep up on all the demands to improve everything, youâll be on an infinite treadmill.
The alternative is to embrace your limitedness. Not to give up on improvement, but to choose the few things that matter most.
Sivers says to âoptimise for one or two things and everything else is good enoughâ.
By definition, the process of optimising leads to optimal. But what does optimal mean? Itâs never ending.
Let some of those boxes go unchecked. Lean into the fact that less is more.
Savouring the simplest, most beautiful (and unplanned) things - rather than hurrying to the next - is a happier path.
Saying âgood enoughâ feels like a superpower. This week, try letting some things go that are âgood enoughâ.
Reconnect đ > âš
54321 grounding technique
When you feel overwhelmed or have racing thoughts, try this:
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This is a grounding technique Iâve used with coaching clients in the past, itâs a nice one for getting present. If youâre into cold bathing/showering/plunging etc, itâs also great for settling into that.
Speak soon
Joseph