Most people say they want freedom. What they really want is choice and control. The unsexy aspect of autonomy is responsibility. But responsibility is the cost of admission to freedom. When we opt out of ownership, we forfeit agency, and with it, the possibility of creating the life we want.
When we’re afraid of freedom, we seek other people’s instructions. When someone else decides it lets us conveniently (and comfortably) displace responsibility when things don’t work out the way we want. Blame is easier than radical ownership.
Responsibility means taking uncontested authorship. You participate in creating your reality, your predicament, and, in many cases, your own suffering. To grow, we need to constantly examine our participation in our circumstances—especially those we complain about. Often, we are complicit in what we claim we don’t want.
No one is a victim. You are the architect of your life. If you don’t like where you are, change. It’s always your move. Exercise the option to do something different. Will it be difficult? Probably. But if you’re stuck, settling, or just plain miserable, the status quo is just another kind of hard. If you find yourself caught in a vicious cycle, there’s always an opportunity to interrupt the pattern. With a shift in thinking or action, you can spin up into a virtuous circle rather than continuing to spiral down. For this to happen, you must be willing to work. Tip the direction of your momentum.
With responsibility, there must be will, spring loading action. In this, we exercise agency. Regardless of where you’ve come from or what’s happening now, you can decide to give yourself back your future. Agency is rocket fuel. It can propel you forward on a journey of growth and self-discovery. When you believe in your own capacity to act, create, and influence your life and the world around you, something clicks. You become unstoppable. Suddenly, the doors to endless possibilities are unlocked. You hold the keys. Use them.
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