Recently I’ve been wondering about who is God? God as a single entity is a core part of the mythos in some religions and in others tomfoolery because how could God be simply one cosmic being?
In my psychedelic wonderings I have experienced the vastness of singularity. The cosmos opened and consumed me into timelines beyond my paradigm of existence. Once I laid face down in the sand at the beach watching the waves roll over me but the waves were vortexes of time; opportunities to climb in and out of current phenomena. In one such instance I saw my brother die, felt the darkness of God, and the heard the voices of the clocks.
In some religions the idea is not that God is an outside entity of which we must pray, bow, and oblige but a spark of magic that lives inside us, as us. When I hear stories about people who murder children for fun or torture animals or any other godforsaken event I wonder if there is a God… I wonder if that idea that God lives inside us, as us, can be true? I wonder about this like I thumb a worry stone or scratch again at the scabs on my scalp… I can’t help it—my trust in god evaporates—my belief in humanity dissipates. For how can we believe there is good in all people?
It makes the argument for there being good and bad people very real. On the podcast We Can Do Hard Things Andrea Gibson who writes the substack, Things That Don’t Suck, spoke about her coming to grips with the prognosis of incurable cancer in her liver. She said I don’t believe people are bad… and when someone who is facing the grief of losing their life slowly, before their own eyes, the grief of their loved ones it’s hard to disagree with them because Andrea is someone so open to her own death that is laughing at all the joy, and crying at all the pain. She is embodying the cosmos as a singularity while experiencing it in a duality.
So I truly considered this idea that bad people didn’t exist. Which is hard to believe when everyone is hustling their politics, their products, their expectations on to each other and the America we are in mirrors Hitler’s Germany and yet…it made me think about a conversation in the car with Cody. We had been listening to an audiobook but I had promptly shut it off when I noticed he was no longer following along.
We chatted for a while about what the book had brought up for us and I had some small insights. But then he pulled out this question, “What if you treasured the smallest shifts?” The answer seemed obvious to me … well things would be more joyful? Duh?
But what if you really believed it? What if you really cherished those small shifts as treasure? The redundancy surprised me. Cody was not one to push a point but my reluctance to give in and give the obvious answer seemed to be where the juiciness was. The obvious answer was if I treasured the small things my life would change. I would have more contentment, more satisfaction, in my life as it was. I wouldn’t overlook or be dissatisfied as easily because a piece of “gold” was still “gold"…
It made me also realize in that moment, as Cody moved me through this block, this wall that wouldn’t allow me to experience more joy from smaller things, that Cody was a God.
Not a God as in
“wow! This man belongs on a pedestal — over looking us all, knowing all, better than you or me…” but a God in the sentiment of God lives inside us, as us.
If God is a singular entity of whom I am often asking silly, mundane, serious, sassy questions to then who the hell am I asking and who is answering? Then God must be the singularity of our combined souls. The cat’s soul, the plant’s soul, the murder’s soul, the nun’s soul, the good, the bad, the ugly, the profound. Because God must encompass it all, its manifestations of self depositing into our bodies, into our earth, in tiny halos.
Gods can be murderous, vindictive, destructive, angry and violent as easily as they can be angelic, benevolent, healers. When we are talking to “God” we could be talking to the singularity or to multi-dimensionality or singling out an aspect of God. So when I sit with a woman who voted for Trump - yes, I am sitting with God - when I sit with a homeless person I am sitting with God - no matter who we are our humanity is infused with godliness but that doesn’t mean the God in which we are working with is the God who will bring to us, or work with us, a healthier, happier, world…
When I pray, I often ask for protection from harm, to be watched over, to guard our hearts, our home, our children. To which Gods am I praying? To which humans can I rely upon to hear these prayers?
What if I treasured each prayer? Each person? As God. In all manifestations as that wholeness is our sacred humanity?
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