F*%k 2020: On gratitude, duality and everything else
I had a whole blog post ready to create at the beginning of December. I have been in my head most of 2020 thinking about the themes of this year. While the collective thought and theme is something like:
“f$#*% 2020”
I think we can all agree but also take a seat and think about what else 2020 did. Here’s a short, not exhaustive list:
There has been life and death
Devastation and rejoicing
Sickness and health
Race and racism
Pride and prejudice
Distance and reuniting
Love and loss
Knowledge and unlearning
Tears, smiles, joy, sorrow
There has been: humanity
For better or worse 2020 has shown us who we are. Humanity has been tested, true colors have been shown, and group think is at an all time high.
My year started with a NYE flat tire as I was excitedly going to get my last workout of the year in. I told myself that I wouldn’t let this moment ruin my day but I also thought if this is a foreshadowing for the year to come WTF. Well I got to use my insurance roadside assistance for the first time, I was able to get my tire replaced for a minimal cost, and continue my day. For that, I was grateful. Who knew that for the next 12 months I was going to have to lean into that gratitude—for sanity,solace,and survival.
My thoughts have been all over the place when it comes to what this year has been. Some days I get mad at myself for not being more productive. I felt bad because I didn’t always reach out to my people. I have been more introspective than I could’ve imagined but 2020 forced the slow down.
Eyes should be wide open right now. Along with your heart and your mind.
Within 2020 I have watched some of the most performative acts happen while also seeing the genuine goodness of humans.
The mental gymnastics have been real.
I have made it to today. I am thankful, grateful, and so very blessed.
If all you did was survive the year, be proud. If this year has been so much more than you could ever imagine, be proud of that too.
If there is one thing I can still settle into, that is counting it all on joy.
On the good, bad, and in between days...sometimes that is all I had in the hard moments.
Here’s to a year that made us all earn some stripes. Don’t take any day or moment for granted.
And that’s on 2020.
xo,
Ashley