Yesterday was a good and gracious day. The LORD God answered many specific prayers in the arrival of my granddaughter. The prayers answered are worthy of testimony, for His glory. The prayers answered also inspired me to reflect on prayers unanswered.
I’ve written before of my own testimony of prayers unanswered regarding my own desire to have children. That testimony requires an addendum, as my son gave me a daughter in his wife and, yesterday, they gave me a granddaughter, blessing me with the gift of my presence at her birth. Even though I believe the story of her birth requires testimony, I found myself hesitating to share it out of compassion for those with prayers unanswered. I know the heartache of pregnancies never achieved. I know the heartache among my friends of preganancies lost. I reflected with my husband, and with a friend who knows that heartache, yesterday about this question of why God answers some prayers and others He does not. I don’t know the answer. I don’t presume to know the answer. He’s been gracious to give me insight in my own life. I pray for that grace in the lives of others.
I am in Numbers in my yearly chronological Bible reading. I noticed for the first time this year that when God orders that a census be taken of the sons of Israel, demonstrating the fulfillment of His promise to Abraham to multiply his descendants, He uses the phrase “according to the number of names” (Numbers 1:2). We resist reading books like Numbers, wondering what they offer us, but then find such gems as these, demonstrating God does not see His creation as numbers. He sees them as names, created in His image.
I came across this phrase in Numbers again today, the day after my granddaughter’s birth, when another census was taken, after the generation that failed to believe God’s promise to Abraham that his descendants would inherit the land He promised to them had died. The new generation was almost but not as big as the first generation numbered in Numbers. There had been loss, and God recorded it. God then explained that, when His promise to Abraham was, in fact, fulfilled, “Among these the land shall be divided for an inheritance according to the number of names” (Numbers 26:53). After this, a family with only daughters asks, “Why should the name of our father be withdrawn from among his family because he had no son?” (Numbers 27:4a). And God responds, “The daughters of Zelophehad are right in their statements. You shall surely give them a hereditary possession among their father’s brothers, and you shall transfer the inheritance of their father to them” (Numbers 27:7).
The reassurance? God knows and remembers the names. He honors the names. Every loss of a child created in His image is remembered by Him by name.
My son and daughter chose a name for my granddaughter that I had chosen, were I ever to be blessed with a daughter. They did not know this. When I told them, before she was born, letting them know they had no obligation to finalize that name as their choice for my benefit, they did, in fact, do that, saying this knowledge, for them, confirmed her name.
My daughter-in-law has significant uterine fibroids that caused much alarm to her prenantal care team. As the size of her uterus grew with her pregnancy, I understood their alarm. Since my husband is a pediatric cardiologist who regularly performs prenatal ultrasounds, I had the opporutnity to witness several ultrasounds of our granddaughter performed by him. This informed my prayers. I prayed to the LORD about how long my granddaughter would stay in the womb. I prayed that my daughter-in-law would not have to have a C-section, because that would greatly increase her risk of bleeding and need for transfusion, hysterectomy, and even death. As the time of her birth approached, I prayed she would go into labor naturally, not having an induction that would increase her risk of C-section. I even prayed for the specific day she would be born! Some prayers He answered, some He did not. I think it’s good He does not answer all our prayers, because we would be tempted to believe their answer was somehow about us and not Him.
My daughter-in-law’s pregancy went to full term. Praise God. She had to be induced. One prayer request fulfilled, another unfulfilled. God led my son and daughter-in-law to a care team and a facility that shared the goal that they avoid a C-section. Their conservative and patient care and concern provided so much peace throughout what turned out to be a long process, where I was blessed to be present.
She got admitted Sunday evening. I do OB anesthesia. I know my expectations when a first time mom gets admitted for induction and I hear her cervical exam. My daughter-in-law’s cervical exam was one where I would expect to be involved in a C-section. This was my first crisis of faith. As I headed to the hotel to sleep while they started the slow process of “cervical ripening,” I reached out for prayer from our associate pastor, because my own pastor husband was on a plane at the time.
When I returned in the morning, she had made cervical change and I had hope. They patiently persisted with this plan, giving her medication every four hours. Her next exam showed no change. Another crisis of faith. Each crisis of faith inspired my fervent prayer. Another spiritual lesson. It is likely when things are going well that we pray less. The next round of medicine brought contractions and cervical change. Hallelujah. They placed a second IV and an epidural, giving me peace with all their preparation for what could be. I like the motto in my own job, “hope for the best, plan for the worst.” They were eventually able to place a catheter that they hoped would bring more cervical change, saying they could leave it in place for up to 12 hours, checking it periodically for when it would easily fall out, indicating adequate cervical dilation.
I went back to the hotel around dinner time on Monday for a few hours rest until I could stay away no longer, late on Monday evening. I was present for at least a couple of these catheter checks, when my specific prayer that it would fall out on the next tug was finally answered. That meant they finally started pitocin around 11 p.m. on Monday night, trying to augment the contractions my daughter-in-law was already having. But the next cervical exam, around 2 in the morning, showed no change. You’re by now familiar with the cycle. Crisis of faith. I have to confess I fully went there, imagining every awful scenario for my daughter-in-law. I believed they could safely deliver my granddaughter, who seemed by all monitoring to be handling all these interventions quite well. I did not know what the repercussions for my daughter-in-law would be.
My son, who had given me the chair-bed in the room, finally fell fast asleep on the floor. He had been attending to all of his wife’s needs and concerns, but when she called out to him and he didn’t answer, I went over to my daughter-in-law to help her. And I looked at the clock. 3:16, the number the Lord uses with me to reassure me. I took a picture of the clock and told my daughter-in-law the story. What a gift that sweet communication from the LORD was.
While she and my son slept, I sat vigil, staring at the monitor that displayed my granddaughter’s fetal heart rate, praying that her cervical dilation would be complete by the next exam. The baby’s fetal heart rate never showed anything concerning during this whole greater-than-24-hour process. But around 4 a.m., I saw it drop, and drop, and drop. I got out of the chair and went to my daughter-in-law’s bedside. I knew the nurse, who had been so very attentive, would enter the room any second, and she did. I said, “I saw it too.” She quickly repositioned my daughter-in-law and suggested a cervical exam. Complete. Prayer answered. By this time, the baby’s heart rate had recovered.
My daughter-in-law was so patient through this long process, never complaining. She just kept saying, “I just want to meet her.” I took a picture of the beautiful smile on her face when she realized she was about to. After all that time, pushing went quickly and my granddaughter was born at 4:40 a.m., with her eyes wide open, shocked, I think, by the abrupt end to the long process of her birth. My daughter-in-law’s bleeding, for which they had everything prepared in case it was excessive, was minimal. The profound grace of God in so specifically answering so many prayers.
My Bible reading this morning reinforced to me that He knows our names. My granddaughter has been added to the number of names in our family, never to be forgotten by Him. He knew it before she was formed in the womb (Jeremiah 1:5). Those names you know that are attached to those you miss, to those prayers He did not answer as you wished? He knows them. He knows you and He knows your heartache. Today, I’m rejoicing at the incredible blessing of God in allowing this little one to safely join our family. He doesn’t always answer my prayers the way I would like. Oh, may I be willing to praise Him even when He doesn’t. And may I be willing to give Him all the praise and glory when He does. Thanks be to God.
Your love for your daughter in law and the new baby come across powerfully. Thanks for sharing. Who can fathom God’s wisdom and sovereignty. Love you, Kim and so happy for Drew and his family
Congratulations on the birth of your granddaughter!!! God bless you and thank you for sharing that beautiful insight into Numbers.