It’s the season of sparkles, jingles, glühwein, hugs. Things that all rekindle your desire for something that you’ve pursued—without much luck—or have considered yourself “not ready” for sometime: a bona fide lover.
Unfortunately, no one is going to wake up this Christmas to find a lover holding up “YOU ARE PERFECT” signs in front of his/her doorstep. Such proclamations of love don’t happen overnight.
What is more likely to happen during this holiday season is that you spot someone cute at your co-worker’s end of year party, have a few drinks with them, feel that you two have a connection, wake up at their (or your) house, hope that this isn’t the last time you’ll see them. Then after weeks of back-and-forth texting, realize there’s no progress—or worse, you’ve been ghosted.
Let’s diagnose the issue here.
Vent if you have to—call that person a narcissistic, beguiling, ambivalent, “I’m not ready for something serious yet” asshole.
Once you’re done, focus on someone who you should know better than anyone else: yourself.
What is your CVP?
Yes, I am going to throw this scary looking acronym at you because you already know what it is. Customer Value Proposition (CVP), when unpacked, refers to your brand identity—the words and images people associate with you. Put simply, CVP is a short statement that compresses and crystallizes your essence as an individual.
For example, Timothée Chalamet, the current heartthrob of the fashion scene, is renowned for flaunting an androgynous allure that redefines masculinity (read more about his style here). He calls to mind a “liminal sexiness”—that’s his CVP. Albeit, it is highly likely that Timothée the person and not Timothée the actor will channel a different CVP to those that he is personally close with.
Know your customer
I prefer the term CVP over brand identity, because it highlights the importance of the customer. Everyone you meet—your family, friends, dates, etc.—are your customer. These people consume your words, actions, presence. Your brand.
Believe it or not, we are all living, breathing brands.
When we go out on a date, we are essentially offering our brand to that person. Depending on what that person is looking for, our brand may or may not sate their needs.
To reference Timothée again, he offers up a fresh, gender binary defying style to the fashion community and fans in a way that makes people realize that they’ve been wanting a svelte homme fatale to seduce them all along.
Back to you.
Let’s revisit the end of year party scenario above. Or basically any situation in which you might meet someone who catches your interest. Sparks will fly if both of you are physically attracted to one another. We’ve felt this emotion before and it’s nicely encapsulated in the lyrics of Doja Cat’s Say So.
For this fuzzy pink feeling to evolve into something deeper and more retainable, we need to understand our romantically affiliated customer. Assuming they’re down for something serious, we should get a good feel for what they want to commit to. Are they an outdoors fanatic with a penchant for mountain climbing? A Netflix binge watcher when it comes to K-drama? Do they crave a discourse on a sci-fi topic such as Dyson sphere?
Assess what’s in front of you with what clarity you can muster (especially if you’ve had a few drinks). If you get the feeling that the two of you might have aligning interests, it’s time to mediate your CVP. Your goal here is to engrain into your target’s mind that you are the “nature-loving, resilient explorer” or the “culture-savvy nerd with an omnivorous appetite”—the more memorable, the better. This is branding, not rocket science.
On the other hand, if your romantic interest is bent on fulfilling their primordial needs, your CVP—which may lie in the realm of personality or intellect—will be of no interest to them. To them, your CVP is reduced to simply looks, a trait that naturally erodes in value over time and is, sadly, easily replaceable.
So before you bemoan how you always seem to get entangled with the wrong people, think about whether they made their needs obvious from the start. Chances are they probably did, in a subtle manner, and you missed it. Or you chose to ignore it in the name of hope.
There’s nothing wrong with hoping. But like any other brand, you want to hope for a rosy future with the right people. Every brand needs a loyal supporter, and meeting the right person takes time.
If you’re slated for an unromantic Christmas this year, grab a glass of Cloudy Bay and rejoice! This is the perfect opportunity for you to (re)define your CVP and re-evaluate your people-reading skills against a backdrop of Christmas jubilance.
Cheers!