Feeling Heard (or Unheard) at Work: Perception vs. Reality
Part II: Research on Good Listening: Perception vs. Reality
What Does “Good Listening” Mean?
Good listening is vital for success in the business world (and in life). Good listening fosters empathy, trust, and mutual understanding, which are critical for psychological safety, innovation, and collaboration. It helps build stronger relationships and supports open communication. It fuels a growth mindset and shared learning, promotes a positive work environment, and leads to shared commitments and better solutions.
But what does "good listening" actually mean?
Much of the literature on the topic of listening, and many training programs and reference materials, focus on the listener's mindset and behaviors during an exchange. However, recent research suggests that whether someone feels heard (or unheard) often goes beyond the listener’s actions during the conversation.
Put another way, how someone perceives their own listening during an exchange (e.g., use of active listening and similar techniques, expressions of empathy, etc.) does not always correspond to whether the other person feels heard.
Feeling Heard (or Unheard) at Work: Research Study on Listening Interactions
One recent study,[1] involving 41 interviews with bank employees who collectively provided 81 stories about listening interactions they experienced at work, sought to understand the employees’ perceptions of feeling heard (or unheard) in workplace conversations.
Key findings from the study revealed three major themes in workers’ stories of feeling heard or unheard:
Employees felt heard when their needs were thoughtfully considered and addressed. Listening attentively is important but may not always be enough for someone to feel heard.
Employees could feel unheard due to active rejection, like having ideas and requests ignored without any explanation. Additionally, a general lack of response from the listener, such as not engaging in conversation or failing to follow through on something promised, could create a feeling of being unheard.
Effective listening may require efforts to connect and reconnect over time. Feeling heard ultimately depends on responsiveness that addresses the needs and expectations of the speaker. Sometimes this extends beyond the initial exchange.
The Purpose of a Conversation: Growing Together vs. Taking Action
The Feeling Heard bank employee study observed that different paths might lead to the same end of feeling heard. For some, engaging in a conversation with a considerate and understanding companion could lead to newfound understandings about themselves or their circumstances, which the researchers labeled as conversational growth.
Others found that their needs were satisfied through the listener acting on their behalf after the initial exchange, which the researchers called feeling heard through action.
The level at which someone feels heard depends upon the listener’s openness and eagerness to meet the speaker’s needs and expectations. Despite positive interactions and “good listening” behavior, when action is needed yet doesn't transpire, people can still feel unheard even though the initial exchange was positive. In these situations, someone’s experience can shift from initially feeling heard to unheard.
Poor Listening Results in Disengaged Workers
In the study, one employee described her initial excitement as she approached her manager with an idea, only to have her idea dismissed without explanation. Her enthusiasm quickly shifted to feelings of frustration and disengagement:
It actually negatively impacted me in regards to the amount of effort that I would give to the organization. Because they didn't care enough about me to hear my opinion and give me a valid no…. It's something valid that's going to help out the business and it was just shot down… at that point I don't think I ever asked her for anything ever again. I didn't approach her for anything other than specific business relating to my office. Nothing to help further the business or increase the name reputation.
The Continuing Increase in Workplace Stress and Decline of Worker Engagement
Susan describes feeling rejected due to the lack of explanation for why her idea was “shot down,” especially since her idea was intended to benefit the organization, not her own self-interests. Her account of what transpired closely mirrors the dialogue between Carmy and Sydney in Episode 3 of the TV show The Bear, discussed in Part I of this two-part series.
Susan and Sydney could be speaking for many employees in today’s global workforce as they describe the frustration, discouragement, and disengagement caused by poor listening.
Indeed, the Gallup survey of worker engagement saw yet another increase in workplace stress and continued high levels of disengagement.[2]
As part of the global survey, Gallup asked employees, “What would you change about your workplace to make it better?” Most respondents liked their work but would change how their manager treats them. Responses include the following:
“I would change the boss.” (Brazil)
“I would like it if the managers were more approachable.” (U.K.)
“I would like there to be a good working environment where we all treat each other with equality and respect.” (Mexico)
“The boss must treat everyone fairly.” (South Africa)
“It would be nice to be able to express your opinions without fear of repercussions at work.” (Spain)[3]
Good Listening Inspires Workers
Another example in the Feeling Heard bank employee study shows how sometimes, good listening is all that is needed. In the study, Greg, a bank employee, describes positive growth when he begins working with a new manager who is more accessible and open to having difficult conversations.
This contrasted his previous experience with a manager who was unwilling to address his problems. Greg describes what happened when he started working with the new manager, who was more willing to have a difficult conversation:
Honestly, he was the first person to listen to the challenges that I was having in that branch. And although he really didn't say anything from a solution standpoint, when I got into my car and I drove to my branch I made a decision right away—whatever it is that I'm doing is not working. So scrap everything that I think I know, and let's look at this for what it is—and it's non-performing.… from that moment on, everything changed.
Sometimes Good Listening Requires Action
As illustrated by Greg's story, the study found that feeling heard was sometimes achieved through conversation alone, while other times, it was linked to action. Interviewees often stated that action was a fundamental part of being heard. In these cases, conversation alone was insufficient to make individuals feel heard.
The Feeling Heard study discusses different categories of action that might be tied to effective listening. One of these categories involved actions that supported personal success. Examples included direct assistance to achieve desired career goals or collaboratively solving personal or professional problems. Support was often associated with helping employees move forward in their career paths.
In one example, an employee, Jessica, described frequent communications with a regional manager who diligently listened and focused on helping her broaden her career opportunities. As a result, the manager eventually worked to make a beneficial career change possible for her.
At that time, having a child and working crazy hours… I'm like, alright, … I can't [keep working these hours]…she was like, what do you want to do Jessica? And she really took the time to listen and [eventually] gave me [mentoring and a different type of position]… She gave me the chance … and I grew with the company, which was a huge opportunity for me. So I don't think I would be where I'm at today if it wasn't for her.
Jessica felt heard and acknowledged during her interactions with the regional manager, who carefully considered their prior conversations and identified the most suitable position and career trajectory for her.
The manager demonstrated sustained attention to Jessica's personal needs and provided tailored insights that led her to a more optimal role and environment. When an opportunity presented itself, the manager reacted promptly to help Jessica move into the new role.
This story highlights another example of action contributing to effective listening: responsiveness over an extended period. In the study, Jessica notes that her listener “would always keep coming back… it's not like she listened 1 day and then totally forgot about me … she would reconnect with me on a weekly basis.”
Conclusion
Communication in the workplace is essential for a successful working environment. Active listening skills are critically important, to demonstrate genuine interest and confirm that someone has been heard before launching into other topics or tasks. Sometimes, though, displaying “good listening” during a single conversation may be insufficient. Effective listening—that is, listening so the other person feels heard—sometimes requires action or follow-through to address underlying needs and expectations.
[1] Kriz, T. D., Kluger, A. N., & Lyddy, C. (2021, July). Feeling heard: Experiences of listening (or not) at work - researchgate. Last retrieved July 11, 2023, from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/353467660_Feeling_Heard_Experiences_of_Listening_or_Not_at_Work/fulltext/60ff5e3a169a1a0103bc3f17/Feeling-Heard-Experiences-of-Listening-or-Not-at-Work.pdf
[2] Gallup, State of the Global Workplace: 2023 Report. Retrieved July 5, 2023, from https://www.gallup.com/workplace/349484/state-of-the-global-workplace-2022-report.aspx.
[3] Clifton, J, (2023, June 21). Why the World Can't Quit Quiet Quitting. Galluup.com. Last retrieved July 11, 2023, from https://www.gallup.com/workplace/507650/why-world-quit-quiet-quitting.aspx.