An antidote to urgency, perfectionsim, imposter syndrome, saviorism, and force
The Liberatory Practice of Honesty is an antidote to oppression
An introduction to this series on Antidotes.
Oppression sucks, right?
The bad news is you have been socialized to use oppression as a life strategy; a practice. You have practiced Perfectionism, stifling your thoughts and emotions, or Saviorism/Workaholism for so long that you have gotten really good at it, right?
The good news is that you can use liberatory practices as antidotes to oppressive practices.
This is the first post of a series where I share how each of my 18 Liberatory Practices are antidotes to oppressive practices like Tema Okun’s White Supremacy Cultural Characteristics, the Cycle of Stimulation and Numbing, Force, Shame, Imposer Syndrome, etc.
Liberatory Practices can be used to disrupt, subvert, undermine, replace, or heal oppressive practices.
I firmly believe that anything that Unleashes Your Aliveness could be considered a liberatory practice. But even though there are limitless liberatory practices, I have found these 18 to be the most essential because they directly disrupt, subvert, undermine, replace, and heal oppressive practices. I’ll share some insights based on how I have used each practice as an antidote but keep in mind that these are just my applications. We live in an infinite universe, and we are each unique expressions of Aliveness capable of innovation, so there are an infinite number of ways to use each practice as an antidote. What will you choose!?!
HONESTY is an antidote to
Urgency
Some things are urgent. Most things are not. Very often, if we’re honest with ourselves, we can admit that the impact of rushing is minimal or nonexistent. We can even admit when rushing undermines our progress. Being honest about urgency gives us permission to be more flexible, helps us notice when a task really is urgent, and helps us attend to fears, worries, or concerns that might be fueling our urgency without our conscious awareness. Rather than soothing our fear with urgency (workaholism), we give loving, patient attention to the fear that is alive in us. We care for all of the parts of ourselves because all the parts of us matter. See Inclusion as a practice.
Perfectionism
Time and space are forces beyond our control. When we admit this, we give ourselves permission to admit what we can reasonably accomplish in the time we were given, with the resources at our disposal. This allows us to give ourselves grace and forgiveness if we cannot do a “better” job, or as good a job as we might like. We can be honest if we feel anger or disappointment that we were not given more time or resources. We can be honest that we want to put more time and love into a project and it hurts that we cannot. If others have unrealistic expectations, we let time and space take the blame rather than shouldering the burden ourselves. “If you would like me to do this additional task, which of my other tasks would you like me to deprioritize?”
Imposter Syndrome
Honesty allows us to be clear about our capabilities. It is unlikely that we suck at everything or that we are the worst at a particular skill. We are likely very capable in many ways, with areas where we can and will learn, grow, and build our capacity. Honesty allows us to create an accurate map of our skillsets and areas for growth. This allows us to take responsibility for the growth we want to create while savoring the success we create with our current level of capacity. Imposter syndrome is a term coined to describe the internalized sexism a group of highly successful female leaders in the 70s were experiencing. Just like cigarette smoke in restaurants didn’t stay in the “smoking section,” oppression does not stay on the side it was assigned. Oppressive practices spread, so now people of all genders can experience Imposter Syndrome. We can be honest that positive attention makes us feel unsafe or uncomfortable. We can honestly reflect on why. We can honestly respond to the wounded parts of ourselves desperately trying to protect ourselves by practicing Imposter Syndrome. We can learn to feel and express the pain anchoring us to oppressive practices. See Harnessing Chaos for information on Practices of Full Emotional Expression which teach us to feel and release painful emotions.
Saviorism (white or brown)
We can be honest that we cannot save anyone. We can be honest that no activist who came before us, saved us. Even though activists and advocates worked for years to dismantle systemic oppression, we still experience it. We can admit to ourselves that while we cannot save anyone, we do impact and benefit others so we can help and support those around us. We can be honest that activism is a marathon, not a sprint, and we are unlikely to fully dismantle any system of oppression in our lifetime. We can be honest that our burnout serves no one. We can be honest that it is patronizing and infantilizing to act like others cannot be agents of their own salvation and that they “need us” in a co-dependent way. We can be honest that we inflate our own egos by insisting that if we don’t act, no one else will, and therefore we are needed, valuable, and exceptional. We can be honest about our shame and insecurity related to our worth and value. We can be honest that the level of need is terrifying and people are hurting. We can be honest that is possible to learn to feel and release our emotional response (fear, anger, grief) to living in a painful world, so we do not practice saviorism to soothe ourselves or burn ourselves out.
Force
We can be honest that force is an ineffective strategy. We can admit that we can only dominate, control, or suppress other people - or life itself - for a matter of time. We can admit that the laws of physics govern our world and so whatever is suppressed will build kinetic energy and rise up to free itself with an equal and opposite force. We can admit that no one can hold a beachball underwater forever. With this honesty, we give ourselves permission to look for more permanent solutions to our problems than force. We can admit when we feel unsafe letting go of force as a strategy. We can admit we don’t know what else to do. We can honor the truth of our aliveness which has been nagging us to learn a new skill, try a new technique, read a certain book, or ask a certain person for advice. We can admit we are not alone and do not have to figure this out by ourselves. We can admit there are thousands of years of human wisdom at our fingertips. We can admit this is a lot, and we might need to rest for a while after admitting all this.