It’s Labour Day 2018. I’m going to die.
I’ve re-gained the fifty pounds I’d lost seven years before and added forty more. I soothe myself to sleep with a drink every night. Rage, disappointment, frustration, and depression sit on me like a heavy cloak. I anticipate a significant illness will give me the wake-up call I need. Perhaps it will then be too late.
I’m awake to my unhappiness but too afraid to take action.
The pain and disruption, the uncertainty and instability that change will cause—the long road of starting over. No map, no understanding of where to go. I’ve been here before, but now I'm older, more established, and more comfortable. I have more to lose.
I work with some wonderful people. I’ve been consumed with building the business for 11 years.
I live with someone who loves me. We have an Instagram life of beautiful holidays, great wine and good times.
How can I do what I need to do?
Just wait for an external sign. Wait until it is the right time. I wait and wait. Is it the right time for the business, my relationship, and everyone in my life?
How will I survive change? How will I survive my life as it is?
My father died of a heart attack the year before. A friend died recently after a short battle with cancer. She tried to squeeze life out of the months she had.
What am I waiting for?
Not only were you brave enough to change, but also to write about it with such courage. I am proud to call you my friend.
Wow, Linda, what a powerful post. I'm inspired by your words, your courage, and your commitment.