As part of my Fucketlist Challenge, I had to choose several things for what is called my ‘X-list.’ A set of self-selected activities to help me toward a specific goal, like learning French: reading aloud in French for 10 minutes daily. Or they are intended to help me develop new habits.
For example, I thought it would be challenging to “say something kind to myself every morning while looking in the mirror”. So, I put it on my X-list for the week. Every day, I had to mark on the grid if I completed the task or activity with an X, having completed it, or a 0 if I did not.
“Say something kind to yourself in the mirror.” Ouch.
I’m aware that when I peer into the mirror, I see my body, face, teeth or hair, but I rarely look into my own eyes. I see past my eyes to my shape, the parts that disappoint and show my age.
I recall the story of David Goggins talking with himself in the mirror before he embarked on a transformation that has made him easily one of the toughest people on the planet. If you don’t know him, check him out. If he’s not your jam, that’s ok. He’s extreme, on purpose.
After reading (and listening) to his memoir, Can’t Hurt Me, a couple of years ago, I had a similar “Is this who you are?” conversation with myself. It was the boot in the ass I needed at that time to propel change in myself.
I wasn’t especially kind when I had that ‘Goggins-style’ conversation with myself in early 2020. I criticized the parts of me that embraced comfort and rebounded weight like memory foam. I called out the stuck part of me who was afraid. I drew on courage and informed my doughy reflection that ‘things were gonna change’.
And it worked, mostly.
It was January 2020, and I’d set a year-long goal of trying different high-intensity workouts each month: boxing, trampoline aerobics, wall climbing, cross-fit, and taekwondo, to name a few. I got as far as March with boxing, cross-fit and a first attempt at wall climbing before the pandemic shut it all down. I managed to scale the climbing wall without having a complete freakout. I was pumped about these new activities and then devastated like everyone else experiencing worldwide lockdowns.
I still got to my goal weight that summer despite the pandemic disruptions. I found other ways to work out — walking and cycling mostly.
That harsh conversation in the mirror months before was impactful. It was the impetus I needed. But tough love isn’t always the right tool.
This past week, compassion took the place of criticism. Stick, meet the carrot.
Looking deep into my eyes, each morning, I said something kind to myself. I acknowledged what I love rather than pointing out deficiencies. What I am rather than what I’m not.
I smiled, uplifted and conspired with the woman I saw in my mirror. We set the tone for our day. This is a new habit I intend to keep.
What kind words will you say to yourself today?
Linda, that is inspirational and horrifying at the same time. Your x-list is my masterday checklist. At one point I had 20 activities I had to complete each day to consider it a masterpiece. Now I'm down to 6 (oops 7).. Write, Workout, Cold Shower, No Alcohol, No Sugar, Stretch and French for 15 minutes. And, when I don't get it done, I don't look backward; just move to the next day with grace, kindness and acceptance. (BTW: I slept in today, no writing....)
A quick, compact statement of your truth, your facts. I chose “compact” since I sometimes spew a most excessive swarm of words. Terrible for the reader; terrible for me. Editing…
Thanks especially for sharing authors and certain activities that kicked your rear into gear. Habit adoption and stick-to-it-iv-ness are now a challenge. I can do better. Thanks so much Linda for another introspective and inspiring post today.