Humane Goal-Setting, Resolutions Not Required
When you don’t love resolutions but still want the alchemy of dreams and roadmaps, try this. Comes with a downloadable spreadsheet.
Two things — first, you readers made the end of this year amazing. My sincerest thanks to my subscribers who continue to engage with this forum, and a HUGE shout out to the new subscribers who’ve joined us since I re-launched last week. ICYMI, here’s that post detailing the kinds of ill-behaved stories you’ll get, the schedule, and the quarterly story coaching workshop benefit for paid subscribers. (Want to get in on that personal feedback? Click here to become a paid subscriber.)
Second, I’ve edited the post quite a bit to update it with the latest information I have at my disposal. I wanted to share the post again since the Google spreadsheet that’s attached to it (and can help you get this work done quickly) has been one of my most popular downloads ever.
If you’re keeping track, this post is off-schedule. The next regularly scheduled post will happen Dec 27. But that would be way late to do this work effectively.
I’ve worked with several coaches in the last year, all of whom agree — don’t wait to hit the high water goals before feeling successful. Reach for the feelings you hope to have when you succeed. That’s what this inventory did for me. Let me know if it does the same for you.
And now for this From the Archive post, originally published November, 2022.
Why take a year-end inventory?
Sometimes there’s a gap between what matters to us and how we spend our time. Most of the time, we’re not aware of the split. Worse yet, when our dreams don’t match our actions, no one is going to point out the disparity. Others will be only too happy to vampire your time and energy.
Closing that divide requires effort, and this time of year that typically means making the dreaded Resolutions. Spoiler: I’m not big on Resolutions. They’re like affirmations, more likely to give me something to feel bad about than affect change. That said, dreams and roadmaps are essential to the alchemy of hope.
So, this year I’m trying out a year-end inventory, a series of prompts meant to be done in short bursts rather than lengthy bouts of teeth gnashing. Each prompt will invite you to review aspects of your life, in order to expand on the positives. A joyful exploration.
As part of the original post I sent weekly prompts via my chat, then made all the prompts available at the end of the month. That list is offered below, use whenever and however works best for you.
I’m not planning on spending more than 15 minutes on a prompt, and suggest you do the same. Go with your gut!
By the end of the month, this holistic approach will help us sort out our priorities according to our values, and also set personal and business goals for the coming year. I hope that, at the end of this 4-step process, we’ll all have a clearer view of how our goals align with reality in such a way that will allow us to dream.
I’ve cribbed these ideas from various ideas in the zeitgeist (value cards, various coaches I’ve worked with, and even recovery), and am happy to change and adapt as we move along. I am as eager to find out what’s on the other side of this as you!
On New Year's Day 2016, I discovered a way to reach for my goals and dream. Not that I knew this was happening. My friend Emily and I simply huddled together on a Florida beach, pens and journals in hand. All I knew then was that there was a gap between the life I was living and the life I wanted.
After years of chasing gurus and ashrams and healers, my life changed rapidly.
The gap took years to close, and became the subject of my new memoir — Blissful Thinking — which is all about the evolution of my meditation practice. The short version is this: I’m a slow learner, but I’m quick to manifest.
After discovering I could “take short moments throughout the day” — dropping the internal dialogue for mere seconds at a time as opposed to sitting for hours on end — I discovered a peace I’d never known. Just the space I didn’t know I needed.
An Anti-Resolution Manifesto
At a certain point, I’d quit making resolutions. The decision to quit was backed up by something I believed I’d learned in recovery, “Plan plans but not results.”
Perfect! I thought. New Year’s resolutions are off the table.
In one sense, avoiding the New Year ritual worked out in my favor because of the way I’d traditionally crafted my resolutions. After identifying something I disliked, I’d put its opposite on my list. The result was a feedback loop focused on all the things I did not want. I was training my attention to focus on what I didn’t like.
Guess what I got more of. Meanwhile, I wasn’t tending to the fires needed for alchemy.
There on the beach with Emily, thanks to meditation and an anti-resolution gusto, I simply conjured all the good feelings I could muster, then thought about what I wanted to change. I wrote that in my journal then tore out the page and set it on fire.
My focus shifted from what I didn’t like to what I wanted more of. That year, I was inspired to rewrite the memoir that wasn’t selling and turn it into Blissful Thinking. I made amazing new friends, and started working a job that paid well enough to support my writing habit. And I met my beloved. I’ve continued to refine this practice, which is what I’m offering here.
If you’ve followed along on the chat, you know this was set up as a monthlong process, but the work can be done over four days.
How to Fill Out the Year-End Inventory
I recommend allotting no more than fifteen minutes to each session. Speed forces me into a gut reaction, there’s no time to dither. If that time limit is a hindrance, modify! The space between responses kept me from obsessing; there’s simply too much going on in December to keep a 15-minute thought dump front and center.
Here’s the full group of exercises in one spreadsheet. Save a copy to make changes.
The Prompts
Establish three to five (max) core values.
Write up a list of accomplishments from the previous year in multiple areas, as well as obstacles.
Dream: after reviewing the previous year’s accomplishments once more, write up a list of what you’d like to reach for in the coming year.** Sandwich that stretch dream between actual accomplishments. Read list. Last year mine was:
>Book published
>Starred Kirkus Review*
>First novel complete
Compare your top findings — those three to five values, your accomplishments and your goals — in order to arrive at a list that shows what to do more of, things that bring pleasure and move in the direction you’ve set. Journal on what an ideal day in that life would look like. (For pointers, check out my online journaling workshop.)
The new work in this step is to add some reasonable, measurable goals like, invest in a writing retreat to improve my craft (which also feeds into my stretch dream).
**This was modified based on my own soul searching and after a goal-setting workshop with the incredible
, the genius behind the Writers at Work Substack (check out her video here).*You can’t do anything but dream of positive reception by critics, and while my Kirkus Review was warm, THE BOOK NOMINATED FOR A PUSHCART!
After going through this process, I came up with a list of “Reinforcements,” essentially a reminder to do more of what I’m already doing that’s working. Whatever I undertake, it must meet these criteria. Here’s what I want to reinforce in the New Year:
find more to love
seek out more of what you truly enjoy doing
give more than you think you can
What I’ve discovered time and again is that I’m generally doing better than my Inner Storyteller reports. And when I allow the happiness that comes from that recognition, I do better with less effort. I unf*ck my magic.
Tell me what happened for you. What did you discover? Did you modify this practice?
Thanks for sharing, LL. I’m going to try this! I’m not a big fan of resolutions either. And what a year it’s been!