As much as it’s a joy to share how much of a loser I am with you all in these ‘You didn’t win this award’ posts it’s someone else’s turn to share their non-winning success story with you all. Being a newbie here I was delighted that after joining a chat with
about collabs here on Substack, and mentioning this series, she loved the idea and wanted to tell her own story of woeful non-winning. So without further ado I’ll let her speak for herself and tell you her tale….Yesterday my friend text me;
“Claire! I got DYCP!”
Yay – I replied. So happy for you and I am.
But…
I’ve applied three times over the past few years and been rejected the same number.
I’ve logged onto the portal and seen ‘decision letter’ instead of ‘offer letter’ and now can’t apply for another three years.
DYCP or to give it its full title Developing your Creative Practice is an Arts Council England initiative to support creatives, writers and artists in their practise. They can deepen and/ or develop their practise. They can be based anywhere in the UK. Last round I tortured myself and researched who got the awards in my region; I won’t do that again.
You can apply for up to £12,000 and spend up to a year developing your creative practise, working with mentors, buying materials, going on trips, absorbing yourself in your art for the greater good. You could be a writer, a musician, a poet, an artist, a potter – so long as you have an artistic discipline you can apply.
If you want to you can have a year off most other things although some of the successful artists don’t work anyway, due to financial affluence or generational wealth. It’s a golden goose and we all know it. Should it be means tested? I absolutely believe it should.
I’ve supported many artists in successful bids but I just can’t get it (yet) myself. The last rejection was the hardest partly because I’d dreamt up what I would do. Partly because decades in, I’m tired. So very tired of rejection.
I’ve been writing funding bids for clients for over 20 years and my nervous system is shot! Of course, in this time there have been lots of successes. Millions of pounds worth of successful bids that have made literal magic happen and I’m so grateful.
I tell my 1-2-1 clients it’s high risk, high reward and that they should absolutely go for it. But right now, I can’t imagine writing one more application…
I’m only 20% confident we’ll get this one…
Last week I received news of another unsuccessful bid. It was for £48k and would have worked to support artists in their local communities in my county for 8 months…
This time I didn’t bother future planning what our lives could look like. When I got the rejection and the line read; “panel noted you could have included more detail.”
I saw red.
I thought I’d protected my nervous system from this rejection by telling myself I was only 20% sure we’d get it. That it’s so competitive now it’s really a lottery not a testament of worth and careful planning.
Flaws
The application form is built on a system that is awful to use.
It asks for character counts not word counts. At the end of each one, after editing my voice and every single word to be a more efficient, shorter version that the form will accept I feel deflated, sad and spent. I copied my perfect characters from google form back into the application form multiple times. At home, on paper, in Starbucks. It felt like a madness.
I read back over sections that made no sense, use abbreviations and codes to make it all fit, hours and hours of proof reading and editing just to tell a story of work that needs to happen in the world and they say;
“More detail please Claire”.
But is this what they actually mean? I don’t think so. I think it’s way more political than that. But this isn’t the place for that conversation.
Shall I give you the detail of the lives that would have been supported and changed for the better? Shall I give you the detail of artists relying on funding bids to eat basic meals, to pay rent. Shall I give you the detail of how conscious I am in making every penny of a budget count while I see plenty of my (well meaning) colleagues wasting theirs… no?
I didn’t think so.
Yet still we try…
Endlessly wrapping our self-worth up in words.
Do they want to know how invisible and broken we feel having dedicated whole careers to this work?
“Rejection piggybacks on physical pain pathways in the brain. fMRI studies show that the same areas of the brain become activated when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. This is why rejection hurts so much (neurologically speaking).”
Source: Psychology Today
I wish they hadn’t said anything – I’d rather have no feedback than something that doesn’t make sense. Feedback is a conversation, not a statement. I blink back tears on the school run and smile through sunglasses at pick up. My brain flicks to how we are going to afford Christmas…
…scarcity, my old friend welcome back!
I’ve asked to meet with Arts Council but they’ve ignored my last three emails so we’ll see.
Neglecting the whole story
But, despite the somewhat ranty start to this article, this is actually a story of hope.
Yours and mine.
A “new engine for culture” is here and you’re on it reading this article nudging for change just by showing up.
It’s called Substack and in the whirlwind of recent rejections it’s kept me afloat.
Sure, there’s time for my work to be rejected here but…
…the platform breeds generosity and support not scarcity.
I’m here showing up and people are paying to be part of that. Readers are sharing my work, saying I’ve helped them, breathing new life into their creative ideas every single day.
And that is worth everything.
Claire Venus
Grateful Creative & Slow Lived Entrepreneur
Claire lives by the Northumberland coast under dark skies with her husband, two children and 5 pet chickens. She loves to write and in Winter can be found cosying by her log burning fire journal and pen in hand in. She’s passionate about our unique lived experiences and the environment and its influence on our work.
Claire is a multi-passionate Engagement Consultant and Mentor who helps creatives and small businesses hone creative voice. Her programmes focus on holistic person-centred creativity, business development and wholehearted living.
Follow Claire on Instagram; @creatively.conscious
Free Substack 5 Day Mini Course; https://www.creativelyconscious.co.uk/get-set-up-on-substack-for-free
Sparkle on Substack; https://sparkleon.substack.com/ (community of folks who want to grow joyfully and sustainably on Substack)
Creatively Conscious on Substack; https://creativelyconscious.substack.com/ (wholehearted living and behind the scenes of business).
If you’ve got a non-winning success story you’d love to share please do get in touch, either in the comments or drop me an e-mail at jess@loadofolbobbins.co.uk
What a beautifully honest post. Thank you for sharing and writing this. I love your conclusion. Let's focus on hope. I agree, Substack is a reason for us creatives to be hopeful. We are creating a new platform, a new engine where we can support each other and create wonderful, magical work that makes our hearts sing.
Thanks for having me Jess! Happy to have found a way to speak more on this important topic. ✨